


The Beauty of Tarnished Gold

by Ixthalia



Series: The True Wealth of the Mountain [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Alpha Kíli, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Female Ori, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Hair Braiding, Healing, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Injury Recovery, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Dwalin/Ori, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Kíli, Recovery, Scenes with Dubious Consent, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2018-04-10 02:06:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 66,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4373048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ixthalia/pseuds/Ixthalia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After he and his men wipe out a caravan of slaver's nearing Erebor's lands, Kili comes across a young omega cowering in the shadows of her cage. She's broken, bloodied, and terrified. As a giver of life, she should have been cherished and protected. Instead she was torn from her home and beaten into submission...all so she could be sold to the highest bidder. Sickened by her treatment, Kili's determined to keep her safe. </p><p>Kili X OFC romance. AU, Omegaverse.<br/>Rated EXPLICIT for mature scenes (violence, hurt/comfort, self-harm, smut). Please read the tags carefully!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken Little Thing

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in an alternate universe in which Smaug never attacked and the dwarves never lost the mountain.  
> Thorin is king and Fili and Kili are his heirs.

Alida was shaken from her uneasy slumber by the violent rocking of the carriage on the rough, uneven country-side path. She pulled the soiled blanket that served as her only source of warmth over her boney frame and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will herself back to sleep if only to escape the nightmare that was her situation. The other girls who shared her prison whined and whimpered from where they lay. Some were too weak to move, many were near death.

All were emaciated, pale, bruised and terrified. One girl, who had tried to fight the men who forced her into the cage, had a broken arm that was festering.

Alida had lost track of the number of days she had spent in the window-less box that served as her cage. When the rogue dwarves raided her village and cut down her family, they had beaten her and dragged her to the cage, tossing her in and slamming the iron door shut behind them. At first she feared they would force themselves on her but then she had overheard them speaking amongst themselves that first night and learned her fate was to be even worse. She was an omega – a fertile dwarven female – and therefore a valuable slave. They weren’t about to damage her value by violating her.

She was to be sold to the highest bidder. But that didn’t save any of them from the nightly beatings their captors unleashed upon them. Her captors called it ‘stress relief’.

Curling up into a ball, Alida let out a low whine as her bruised and broken ribs protested the movement. It had been her turn last night and, while the other girls had watched, the dwarrow men had kicked, punched and flogged her bloody.

She had wept for days after the first night they’d chosen her to bear the brunt of their abuse and she had learnt a great deal since then. Crying and pleading for mercy ensured the night would be long. Instead she shielded her head and neck, stayed quiet and refused to allow even a single tear to slip free.

Not crying became easier with each passing day and now she suspected her well had run dry.

Every few days another girl was shoved into the carriage. At first Alida spoke to them, learnt their names and stories, but that became too taxing as her will was broken down and eventually she stopped trying to comfort them as they wept. Eventually she stopped speaking altogether.

Her captors told her what she was now – filth. She had forgotten the reasons she’d had not to believe them. She now realized they were right – she was filthy, weak, and pathetic. Her only value lie in the pleasure she could give whomever bought her. She was a small, worthless thing. If she found a master with the patience to tolerate her, she would be lucky.

Alida dragged herself toward the door of the cage, closer to the sliver of sunlight that shined through the small gap at the bottom of the door. She gazed at it longingly, wishing she could feel its warmth and yet strangely terrified at the idea of being exposed to it. The world beyond her cage seemed so expansive now; a girl as worthless as her would surely get lost in it.

What energy she had was fading and she closed her eyes, no longer able to hold them open.

If she focused hard enough, she could remember shadows of her life before the cage. She had a family that loved her, a home she had felt safe in, and a future she was looking forward to. But it hurt to think of that life. 

The carriage jerked to a stop and Alida weakly raised her head, pressing her ear to the wooden wall to hear what was going on outside. She heard the ponies nickering loudly and could tell that the animals were anxious. Her captors started shouting to one another and she heard swords being drawn.

Alida summoned up her remaining energy and quickly scampered to the back of the carriage, past the dying girl with the broken arm and two others who were too weak to move from where they lay. She curled up in a ball and pressed her hands tight over her ears.

_‘I am weak. I am filthy. I am worthless. I am no one.’_

Chaos broke out then. It sounded like horses where charging the cage from all directions and she trembled like a leaf in the wind. Swords clashed and screams filled the air. The girls who shared her prison wept and screamed. Those with the energy tried clawing at the walls. Alida stayed still; as motionless as she could muster. When the smell of something burning filled the cage she closed her eyes and tried to remember what her captors had told her.

_‘I am weak. I am filthy. I am worthless. I am no one.’_

Something smacked into the carriage with a mighty force that sent everyone tumbling around the cage as the entire structure tipped and rolled. Alida screamed as it rolled, breaking down into dry sobs when it finally stopped. Her chest and head hurt and it took her a moment to orient herself. 

When she finally managed to open her eyes, she saw that a large hole had been punched in the side of the carriage – giving them a way out.

The girls who could move took it. They dragged themselves to the opening and tumbled out.

Alida saw them running through a blood soaked field. She inched closer to the exit but recoiled when she saw two of the girls struck down by arrows.

Retreating to the safety of her corner, Alida squeezed her eyes shut. With her hands pressed tight over her ears to block out the sounds of slaughter, she curled up into a ball and whispered a prayer to Mahal that the shadows would swallow her up.

~~~~

As the battle died down, Kili took a moment to survey the field. 

They had managed to take half a dozen of the slavers captive but the girls who had bolted from the overturned carriage had been struck down by their tormentors as they’d made to flee. He approached the body of one he suspected was no more than thirty – a child by dwarven standards. 

“Search every carriage!” He shouted to his men, “Make sure none are left behind! Round up any of the slaver scum that remain! They’ll face the King’s justice!”

Dwalin nodded and set about scouring the field for any survivors. When he came upon an overturned carriage, Dwalin paused. He took a closer look inside, searching for the source of the slight movement he’d seen from the corner of his eye. His heart sunk when his gaze fell upon a sickly thin young girl curled up in the corner. As an alpha, he could feel the sheer terror radiating off the omega and backed up so as not to make her feel threatened.

“Hold on there, lass,” he said quietly before turning to Kili, “Kili! We’ve got a live one here!”


	2. Out of the Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili manages to coax the terrified omega from her cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how short this chapter is, dear readers, but I'm already at work on the next - so hang in there! Thanks so much to those of you who've been so good as to comment or leave a kudo! :)

Alida shook violently. She felt urine trail down her leg and clawed at her skirt, trying to hide her shame.

The males looking down at her were alphas; their scents gave them away immediately. The elder of the two had a strong scent that reeked of the adrenaline of battle and bloodshed. There was no anger present, but she paled at the sight of the two large axes strapped to his back. His companion was much younger. His scent held no trace of anger or malice and she relaxed some, finding it a pleasant change to what she had been surrounded by. 

She saw him hand his sword to his companion and make to step into the cage. Alida choked on a sob and clawed at the walls.

The alpha raised his hands.

“You’re safe, my lady, I’ll not hurt you.”

Alida whimpered.

_A lie_ , she told herself, _a filthy alpha lie!_

“The dwarves who hurt you are dead or in chains. They’ll be brought before the King of Erebor, face his justice. I swear to you they will face the headsman.”

He crouched down on the other side of the carriage and, much to her shock, there was a smile on his lips.

She looked away from him, shielding her face with her hands for fear he’d lash out at her. 

“My name is Kili,” the stranger said softly, “I am a Prince of Durin, nephew to the King of Erebor and I will not harm you.”

His companion sighed, “I don’t think she can hear ye, lad.”

“Give her time, Dwalin,” he turned back to her, “Can you tell me your name, my lady?” 

Alida shook her head. She knew she should speak when asked a question by an alpha but she couldn’t find her voice. 

“That’s all right,” he said gently, “Are you hungry?”

Her mouth watered at the mere thought of food but she knew better than to get her hopes up and shook her head ‘no’ despite not having eaten in days. Her captors would often torment her with food, lining her and the others up to watch them eat a feast while their own stomachs grumbled loudly. On the rare nights when they were offered more than just scraps, it always came at a high price – one she had vowed never to pay, hunger be damned. Alida still had nightmares about the night one girl was desperate enough to pay their price…

She noticed from the corner of her eye that the alphas’ smile had fallen.

“You must be, my lady. You’re nothing but bones.”

He reached for something fastened to his belt and produced a flask. When she failed to accept it when he offered, he took a sip himself to show her it was safe; only then did she take it.

Alida drank the water in one swig, unsure if she had ever tasted something so delicious in all her life.

The alpha, Kili, smiled.

“Come, my lady,” he offered her his hand; “Let’s get you fed and cared for.”

She wanted to, Mahal did she want to. She wanted him to be real, wanted him to be telling the truth. 

She didn’t want to die in alone in a cage.

But he could be lying. Alphas did that. They lied and hurt and dominated. Just because his scent was calm and even didn’t mean he couldn’t turn. He could be worse than the dwarves who had torn her away from her old life.

Tears she didn’t know she had left in her sprung to her eyes and she tossed the flask back to him as she scurried on her hands and knees across the carriage floor to the other side of the cage.

“My lady, you don’t have to be afraid,” Kili said in a whisper, “You are safe. I swear it.”

He cautiously made his way closer to her.

Alida gave a keening whine as he neared, her heart pounding like a great war drum. 

He stopped just an arms’ length from her and shirked off his coat, balling it up and offering it to her. 

She peeked up at him through the curtain of greasy blonde hair that covered her eyes. Her mossy green eyes met his dark brown ones and she calmed, breathing his scent in deeply. As much as she wanted to doubt it, to fight it, his scent was calming.   
“I won’t hurt you,” he said, offering her his hand once again.

She stared at him, unsure what to do. 

Maybe if she was good he wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. That was more than she deserved from a master.

Alida finally took his hand.

He smiled and slowly helped her to her feet, touching her as little as he could so as to not scare her, and draped his coat around her shoulders. She took a few unsteady steps as he guided her by the hand toward the light, but her legs were weak and she sunk to her knees.

“I am going to pick you up, my lady, would that be all right?” He tried to meet her gaze but hers was fixed on the filthy ground, “I don’t want you to fall and hurt yourself.”

Alida gave a low whine but ultimately nodded. She didn’t trust her legs to hold her weight and crawling wasn’t a real option. She wanted out of the cage. As greatly as she feared the sun and warmth of the world beyond it, she was willing to face it to be free of the tomb she’d been confined to for so long.

Kili scooped her up effortlessly and carried her out of the cage.

The sunlight blinded her and she buried her face in the crook of the alpha’s neck, squeezing her eyes shut. The scent of a dozen alphas and betas overwhelmed her senses and she bucked in Kili’s arms, trying to break free.

He shushed her, “They won’t hurt you. The dwarves of Erebor do not harm omegas.”

She wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that dwarves would always find a way to harm an omega, but she managed only a grunt. He hoisted her up on his pony and then got on behind her, pulling her tight to his chest before urging the animal forward. She tensed against him, the heat of his chest against her back frightening, but slowly relaxed as the cage that had been her tomb faded away behind her and exhaustion finally claimed her.


	3. First Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bathed and fed, Alida is brought before the King under the Mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter for you all! Enjoy!

Alida woke from a nightmare to the sound of fire crackling in a hearth. She slowly opened her eyes and stretched, arching up from the bed to ease the pinching pain in her back. As she rubbed her eyes, she rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow to better survey her surroundings. 

Despite the fear pooling in her belly, she took it all in with wide eyes. Alida knew at once she was not in the chambers of a commoner. Heavy tapestries hung from the walls and rich silks adorned the elaborately carved four-poster bed she laid on. As beautiful as it all was, Alida felt uncomfortable in it and moved to sit on floor near the hearth. She wasn’t worthy of such fine things, she only dirtied them.

She hugged her knees to her chest as she stared into the fire.

The nightmare had been another bad memory haunting her in her sleep. In it she saw her mother and brothers slaughtered all over again, felt the warmth of their blood splatter across her face and drip down her neck as their bodies fell lifelessly to the ground. She shivered and ran her hands roughly over her face and through her hair, as if to rub a smear from her skin. Even after so long she still remembered how warm their blood had been.

She heard footsteps approaching and caught the whiff of an omega and an alpha approaching her. The alpha’s scent she knew – it was Kili, her new master.

Still she couldn’t help but retreat to the back of the room; everything inside her told her to be cautious with an alpha. She knew she had to be good though if she wanted to be kept safe.

The door opened and the alpha entered.

~~~~

Kili was immediately hit with the omega’s sweet scent. But as sweet and beautiful as it was, it reeked of fear. He took a deep, calming breath, making sure his own scent didn’t make her feel threatened and approached her.

It sickened him beyond words that there were alphas out there that would harm omegas so profoundly. He couldn’t help but sadden upon looking at her. She was so thin and her pale limbs were covered in dark, ugly bruises. Her eyes were dull, without sparkle or light, and dark circles hung under them. Her blonde hair was greasy and matted so badly he suspected some would need to be trimmed to free it of the tangles. The energy she was giving off was that of a cornered animal. She feared him and, he suspected sadly, fully expected him to hurt her as her captors had. 

He stopped near the hearth, careful to give her the space she needed to feel comfortable.

He tried to project in his scent and energy everything that she should already know, that she was safe, secure, and honored.

“You’re in Erebor,” he said in a soft voice as he sat down on a bench at the foot of the bed, “deep in the mountain. This room is a part of my suite. You’re safe here.”

She gave a quick nod to signal that she understood but kept her gaze downcast.

“Can you tell me your name?” He gave a light chuckle, “It feels strange, not knowing what to call you.”

She hated how handsome and warm his smile was. It made her resolve to be on guard falter, made her entertain the notion that he wasn’t like her captors and that wasn’t safe.

She cleared her throat and finally managed to find her voice.

“A-Alida, master.”

Kili’s smile fell and his brow furrowed.

“I’m not your master, Alida. Omegas have mates, not masters. No one owns you here.”

Alida shook her head, panic rising in her heart. Of course he was her master! He took her from the slavers, she was his now! Not that she truly blamed him for not wanting her. He was a prince; she was nothing and no body.

“I’ll be good, master!” She insisted with a weak, shaky voice.

His expression softened.

“I don’t doubt that. I’ll keep you safe, Alida, I promise. But you’re no one’s slave.”

He slowly came closer to her, crouching down by her side and taking her hands in his. He felt compelled to give her some comfort and rubbed his thumbs over her knuckles. When her gaze remained fixed on the floor, Kili brushed her hair out of her face only to see that tears had welled up in her eyes.

How anyone could hurt an omega was beyond him. Under the grime and rags, Alida was a beautiful young woman. She deserved to be protected and honored and he was determined to help her however he could. For now he hoped a bath, fresh clothes and a good meal would do her wonders.

He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. 

“I’ve brought my mother with me; she’s waiting in the other room. She offered to help clean you up and tend to your wounds. Would that be all right?”

Alida’s sadness remained but she nodded and didn’t protest as he helped her to her feet.

Kili called to his mother and she entered the room, gasping and paling at the sight of Alida. The warning Kili had given her couldn’t have prepared her for this.

“Oh, you poor dear!” She exclaimed, her hands covering her mouth as she fought back tears upon seeing her son’s charge.

Kili felt Alida press up against his back, felt her hands clutch the fabric of his tunic as she tried to hide behind him. He guided her to stand beside him, allowing her to grasp his arm tightly.

“Mother, this is Alida.” 

Dis clasped her hands together and sniffled as she smiled.

“It’s so good to meet you, dear. Come; let’s get a bath drawn up for you.”

~~~~

As she sank into the warmth of the tub, a sigh of relief left her and her aches immediately lessened. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d bathed.

The omega, Dis, hummed as she added oils to the water and fetched a hairbrush from the nearby table. 

“Let’s tackle your hair, my dear!” 

Alida hugged her knees to her chest to cover herself as Dis settled behind her on a stool and started trying to loosen the tangles with her fingers. She kept still, even when the tugging on her hair made her scalp sting with pain. 

As exposed as she felt, she was confident she had died and gone to the Halls of her Fathers; for she’d not felt anything as comforting or blissful as what she was feeling now. The warm water, the matts being worked from her hair, and Dis’ soft humming – it was all too good to be true. And far more than someone like her deserved. She would have to thank her new master profusely once she was presentable.

Alida bowed her head, hiding her teary eyes from Dis’ sight. Her own mother used to brush her hair. If she focused hard enough she could recall the song her mother had sung as she’d braided her hair. It was faint, like it was far away and just out of her reach, but it made a shiver run down her spine none the less.

“You’ve really got lovely hair,” Dis said as she worked the brush slowly through Alida’s hair, starting at the ends and steadily working the knots out of her hair, “We’ll get it shinning again, love, don’t you worry! Of course we’ll have to get a good meal in you, too!” She gave a sigh, “My Kili did well in bringing you here. You’ll not have to worry about being mistreated under this mountain, Alida. Here you are a precious jewel.”

Alida didn’t want to upset her master’s mother, she wanted to be good and please him, but she couldn’t help but shake her head; unable to believe her words. She was no jewel, she was no one.

_‘I am weak. I am filthy. I am worthless. I am no one.’_

“You are, Alida,” Dis said softly, her voice cracking as she spoke; “I know you’re scared and you don’t have to say a word to me if you don’t want to. But whenever you are ready, dear, I am here. As is Kili; he is determined to see you made healthy and well.”

Alida sniffled but said nothing.

Dis sighed again and Alida glanced at her over her shoulder, fearful she had angered the woman.

She was surprised to see tears streaking down the woman’s cheeks.

Dis brushed them aside and ran the brush through the section of Alida’s hair she’d managed to free of tangles.

“I think we’re going to be lucky, my dear, these tangles are coming out nicely. I doubt we’ll need to cut any of your hair at all.” She paused to fetch a vial of cream and started working it through her hair, “We’ll get you tidied up; I think I’ve got a few dresses small enough to fit you until you gain more weight. We're having a meal prepared for you and then, if you’re up for it, my brother would like to speak to you.”

Alida tensed.

Dis patted her shoulder, having seen the muscles in Alida’s shoulders twitch.

“My brother, my son…they only want to help you,” Dis said softly, giving Alida’s shoulders a reassuring squeeze, “You truly are safe here, my dear.”

Safe.

It was a word that felt as foreign as the warm water that was rolling over her thin body. Foreign and yet strangely comforting, like she wanted it to be real.

And that was terrifying enough on its own.

“Come here, my dear,” Dis said with a bright smile as she helped Alida from the tub, “let’s get you dried off and tend to your wounds. Then we’ll see where that son of mine ran off to.”

~~~~

After inhaling the modest meal of soup and bread the servants brought her, Alida allowed Dis to help her dress. 

The dress Dis gave her was far too fine a thing for the likes of her. It was silk, a beautiful shade of blue, and detailed with lace and tiny embroidered lilies. The chemise was made of thin cotton, clean and crisp. Even bound tightly the bodice was loose and she felt like she was swimming in fabric. Dis put no braids in her hair, such a thing was far too intimate for her to do, and instead pulled her hair back in a simple but functional knot that kept her hair out of her face. Alida didn’t like it but said nothing. With her hair pulled back she couldn’t hide behind it and she felt exposed.

Dis led her from the rooms of her new master down a corridor lined with heavily detailed carvings that went as high as she could see. She risked a glance upward but could not see at what point the images ended.

As she followed Dis, Alida wondered where her master was. 

He was a prince, a far better master than she could have ever hoped for. She had to show him she’d be good. If she did that, surely he would keep her safe.

Dis stopped suddenly and Alida noticed they had come to the end of the hall. Guards standing nearby stomped their spears upon the ground and clasped their hands across their chests, saluting Dis. A set of large gold-plated doors opened and Dis urged her forward, smiling as she grabbed her hand and walked with her into the large room.

A massive stone table running the length of the room dominated the space. 

Alida made it a few steps into the room when she was hit by the overwhelming scent of alphas. She looked up and saw who was waiting for her at the head of the table and stopped in her tracks. 

“Alida?” Dis said gently, “It’s all right.”

But it wasn’t.

Alida jerked her hand free from Dis’ grasp and sank to her knees, shaking so violently she could scarcely stop herself. 

_‘I am weak. I am filthy. I am worthless. I am no one.’_

The scent of the alphas nearly overwhelmed her and while there was no anger present, the scents were strong and laced with intense emotions. Through the haze of it all she felt him, her master, nearing her. As he neared, his scent blocked out those of the other alphas. Alida took a deep, steadying breath. 

Comfort, he was sending out waves of comfort.

Alida looked up and saw her master kneeling before her. He was handsome, she realized, having truly looked at him for the first time. His dark hair held few braids. One, behind his right ear, marked him as a prince and an heir of Durin. He had no real beard, just stubble, but she hardly paid that any mind. He had big, beautiful dark brown eyes and full lips she couldn’t help but stare at. 

“My lady, are you all right?” He asked quickly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Alida sank away from his touch and dropped her gaze to the ground. She shouldn’t be looking at him, not without his leave. It was wrong.

Kili withdrew his hand and gave her an apologetic look.

“My brother and uncle,” Kili said, gesturing behind him to the two alphas whose scents had reduced Alida to a quivering mess, “I’ve told them about you and they’d like to ask you some questions about the dwarves who took you. Would that be all right?”

Alida, still trembling, nodded.

“Yes, master.” She whispered so only he could hear.

Kili sighed, “I’m not your master, Alida but I’d like to be your friend.”

Friend? Alida didn’t know what to make of the word. 

Kili continued, “And if you don’t want to do this, if you need time, say so and I’ll walk you out of here.”

Alida bit down on the inside of her cheek and thought for a moment. She didn’t want to trust him, she didn’t. He hadn’t hurt her yet, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t. He was an alpha and they were all bad, all liars. But his scent…she couldn’t deny how it calmed her. He’d fed her, clothed her…

Maybe if she kept being good be wouldn’t be like the ones who hurt her.

“And go where?” She asked quietly.

“Wherever you want, wherever you’d feel safe,” Kili slowly reached out and touched her hand. 

Alida flinched but didn’t pull away.

She nodded and allowed him to help her up, clutching onto him as soon as she was righted. To her relief, he didn’t try to push her away. He merely draped his arm lightly over her shoulders and guided her toward the awaiting alphas, allowing her to set their pace. Dis followed behind them silently, a small smile on her lips.

Kili lightly shook her shoulders, encouraging Alida to look up.

“This is my brother, Fili,” he said, pointing to the golden-haired alpha before gesturing to a raven-haired dwarf with a crown of gold upon his brow, “and my uncle, King Thorin. Your majesty, Fili…this is Alida.”

Fili bowed, “My lady.”

Alida buried her face in Kili’s tunic.

He shushed her, rubbing her shoulder tentatively as he pulled out a chair for her and urged her to sit. 

“We understand it is taking a great deal out of you by being here, little one,” Thorin said as he shifted through the sheets of parchment strewn about the table, “And you don’t need to speak, just point.”

He placed a map in front of her.

“Where are you from, my lady?” Fili asked.

Alida looked to Kili.

He nodded, hoping to encourage her, “Go ahead.”

She swallowed hard, looked to the map and pointed.

“Ered Luin?” Fili said in surprise, looking to his uncle, “We’ve heard nothing of an attack by slavers, have we?”

Thorin shook his head, “No, we haven’t.”

“But how can that be?”

Alida shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She could feel the colour drain from her face and bowed her head as she tried to regain control of her breathing and steady the frantic beating of her heart. 

“Alida?” Kili asked, her discomfort twisting her scent.

Panic rose through her and she gave a weak gasp as she reached out for Kili’s hand, squeezing it as tightly as she could manage.

“What’s wrong?”

Alida bit her lip hard enough to draw blood.

Kili knelt beside her. 

“You’re safe, Alida.” He assured her, “Is…is the settlement…”

She shook her head and paused for a moment to find her voice.

“M-My home…it wasn’t a part of the main settlement,” she said in a quiet, pained voice, “I…lived in a smaller village in the north. We…we weren’t in the mountainside…”

Kili patted her hand.

“Still, you’d think the elders of Ered Luin would have told us if one of their villages was attacked,” Fili said with a heavy sigh, “And yet there was nothing mentioned in their last missive and no raven received in over a month…”

As the King and Fili soft in hushed voices, Alida began to rock in her seat. 

Kili noticed and moved his free hand to rub her shoulder, hoping to give the traumatized girl some comfort. The moment his skin touched hers though she stopped and her gaze snapped to him, as if she had just realized he was there and was surprised. She looked him in the eye for one brief moment before averting her gaze and wincing as though physically pained. 

Her home…

_Her eldest brother sprinted to her side; blood gushing from the gaping wound in his arm as he called for her to run to him, only to be taken down by an axe-wielding slaver who laughed as his pray hit the ground. As he fell, Alida saw his dark and lifeless eyes and her heart shattered into a hundred pieces. His blood splattered across her face and she screamed so loudly she thought Mahal himself could hear her cries…_

Alida leaned forward and broke down weeping.

That was enough to distract Fili and Thorin, who were rendered speechless at the sheer pain in the omega’s wail. As alphas they were hypersensitive to the emotions of omegas. Her pain was so sharp, so intense, that they both felt a twinge of pain in their chests.

Kili quickly stood and looked to his mother but when Dis moved to help, to ease Alida up from her seat, she only became more agitated. He caught Alida’s hands as she flailed in a pitiful attempt to keep Dis at bay. To say her display pained him would be a horrible understatement. Her hair had been worked loose from its knot and fell over her shoulders in a tangle of messy waves. Her face was twisted in pain and tears streamed down her cheeks freely. She was wringing her hands together as anxiety consumed every part of her.

Dis hurried Fili and Thorin from the room and ordered the approaching guards back, leaving her youngest son alone with the sobbing omega.

“Alida!”

When she didn’t respond to her name, Kili felt himself panic and shame settled over him. He was an alpha – it was ingrained in him to protect and comfort an omega. It was what she deserved and not being able to give it to her made him feel weaker than he ever had before. Unsure of what else to do he jerked her up from her chair and pulled her into an embrace.

She weakly fought him for only a moment before letting go and relying on him to hold her upright as she wept. He gave off waves of protective energy and pushed himself to give off what she needed – calm, comfort, safety, respect. When her tears didn’t abate, Kili tightened his hold on her and prayed to Mahal he wasn’t doing more harm than good.

Eventually, when his tunic was completely saturated with her tears, she calmed enough to catch her breath. Clearly exhausted and shaken, she was utterly spent in his arms. He hushed her, telling her over and over again that she was safe, as he shuffled her up and into his arms. She whimpered but gave no real protest, though he could tell she was afraid. 

Kili hugged her tighter to him and carried her from the great hall, careful to shield her from the gazes of others as much as possible. He said he would bring her somewhere safe and he was more determined than ever to find that place for her.


	4. No More Cages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Thorin discuss the newest omega under the mountain and Alida prepares for a move.

Kili watched her as she lounged on the bed. Her hands curled up into fists and her hair a wild mess, Alida lay on her stomach, her face hidden in the pillows as she sniffled softly. He’d watched her silently for some time, allowing his scent and energy to calm her where words had failed.

When her breathing evened out, she peeked up at him.

Her eyes were puffy and red. 

“I’m sorry…” She muttered under her breath, sniffling as she rubbed the tears from her eyes.

Kili smiled, “Don’t be, Alida. You did so well, you were so brave.”

She shook her head as a new wave of tears overcame her.

“I’m not. But I’ll get better,” she said in a rush, so very eager to placate him, “I’ll be good!”

Kili was at a loss as to what to say. He’d never met an omega as damaged as Alida. In Erebor, omegas lived a protected and comfortable existence. It sickened him to try to think of what the slavers could have possibly said or done to warp her mind such. He didn’t know what to say to reassure her or how to even begin healing her wounds. 

Just three days ago his life had been normal and relatively simple. He would spar into the small hours of the night, drink with his friends at the tavern, and see that the small tasks Thorin set out for him were completed. But Fili was the heir and as such, Kili had always had more freedom. He still had his responsibilities but the pressures Fili lived with on a daily basis meant nothing to Kili. He never expected to be the caretaker to an omega, let alone one as hurt as Alida. He wasn’t sure anything he’d be taught about omegas would help him to help her.

But that didn’t mean he was about to give up.

“Can you tell me what happened, Alida?” He asked as gently as he could, well aware he was treading on sensitive grounds but eager for context.

He reached out and rested his hand on the bed, a silent and gentle offer of comfort.

Alida glanced to his hand and then away, focusing instead on the tassels of the pillow she was lounging on. 

“Is your family dead?” Kili said when she made no move to answer, “If you have family living, we would return you to them –

“Dead,” she said tersely, “All dead.”

“You’re certain?”

Alida tensed; her body so rigid she could only take short, shallow breaths. Kili watched her and knew then that she was sure because she had witnessed it.

“Mahal…Alida, I’m so sorry…”

It wasn’t a pain Kili could comprehend or relate to. He’d spent his life in the safety of the mountain as an heir of Durin. He’d lost his father many years ago but he still had Fili, his mother, and Thorin. He wasn’t alone. 

Alida was.

“Rest,” he urged her, drawing a blanket from the foot of the bed up and over her shaking form. 

He had to speak to his mother. She had bathed, fed, and clothed Alida and Kili was eager for her opinion on how the omega was doing. But he also knew he had to speak to Thorin and he was wary to hear what his uncle had to say. While he had no doubt Thorin would send the captured slavers to the headsman, he had a strange and unsettling fear that Thorin would take Alida from him.

Perhaps it was his alpha instincts. He felt compelled to care for Alida, to keep her safe as he had promised, but these weren’t normal circumstances. She was an omega in need of serious care and he had his duties to consider, as loathe as he was to admit it. Thorin might not give his blessing; he could place Alida in the care of the betas in the den.

As brief as she had been in his life, he didn’t relish the notion of her being taken from him. Her true scent, hidden under layers of fear and anxiety, was intoxicating. He wanted to help her get better, to be her friend and not her ‘master’. He wanted to see her smile freely and accept his small touches without flinching. He wanted her and that was as terrifying as it was invigorating.

Kili stood to leave, not wanting to offend her with his changing and muddled scent, and was surprised when she reached up and grabbed on to the hem of his tunic, keeping him from retreating.

“Master Kili…”

He touched her hand and gently pried her fingers free of the cloth.

“I’m not your master, Alida. I meant what I said – I want to be your friend.”

She seemed unsure but said nothing.

“I have to speak to my uncle, but I’ll be back to see how you’re doing. No one is allowed in these chambers without my leave and there are guards at the door, so you’ll be safe.” He said with a bright smile, “Rest now, Alida. I’ll bring you back something to eat, but sleep for now.”

Alida nodded and curled back up under the blankets. 

She watched him leave, exhaling only when the door closed behind him.

~~~~

“It’s not appropriate,” Thorin said in a low and commanding voice, “That omega cannot reside in your chambers, Kili.”

Dis sighed, “Brother –

“She feels safe there, uncle,” Kili said undeterred, “I’ll not take that away from her.”

“She’s in no state to choose you of her free will, Kili. The slavers’ broke her, warped her thinking. She thinks you are her master, for Mahal’s sake!”

“I know, uncle. I’m working on that, I swear. And I’ve not claimed her; I wouldn’t, not with how hurt she is. You know I wouldn’t!”

Dis placed a hand on her son’s shoulder and squeezed. 

Kili looked to his brother for support and Fili stepped forward with a nod, ever at the ready to have his brother’s back. Thorin didn’t let him get a word in though.

“But you want to,” Thorin stated plainly, “If your mother and I can smell it on you, you can be certain she can, Kili. Slavers break omegas and it takes a patient and dedicated alpha to help them heal.” His voice softened some, “And you, my boy, are not known for patience.”

Kili fell silent, his head bowed. He couldn’t argue his uncle’s words. He’d always been free-spirited and reckless and, up until now, he’d always laughed it off when confronted with it. Now he wore it like a mark of shame. He wanted to help her – couldn’t Thorin see that?

“My brother wears his heart on his sleeve,” Fili said confidently, walking to Kili’s side and playfully smacking his arm, “But he knows the worth of omegas and he’d be good and gentle to her.”

Thorin sighed, “You don’t understand, lads. She isn’t a puppy you can pawn off on another when things get difficult. If she’s ever to heal she needs the consistent presence of an alpha in control of his urges. Even then we can’t say for certain she’ll ever be able to make a healthy bond to an alpha,” he shook his head, “She thinks you own her Kili.”

Kili paled.

“I’ve done nothing to –

“I know, lad,” Thorin said quickly, “I know. But we can’t have her staying in your chambers when she thinks herself no better than the rug you wipe your feet on.”

Kili swallowed hard and nodded.

“You bathed and clothed the girl, Dis, spent time with her,” Thorin said, “How is she truly?”

Kili looked apprehensively at his mother, eager and yet terrified to hear what she had to say. 

Dis sighed heavily, seeing the sad look in her youngest son’s eyes, “Someone beat her something awful; she’s all bruises and bones. Damned beasts beat ‘er more than they fed her, that’s for certain.” 

Kili knew Alida hadn’t been treated well, he remembered all too well the state she was in when he found her, and yet he cringed at his mother’s words.

“The betas in the den could help her, love. She’d not be surrounded by the scents of alphas and that alone could do a world of good for her.”

“I…I promised her I’d keep her safe. She’s going to think I’m tossing her aside, mother.”

“Most likely, yes. But I can be there with you, when you tell her.”

“And we’re not saying that you’re never to see her, lad,” Thorin added, “Give her some time to get settled and learn from the betas what you can do to help her.”

“What about the slavers, uncle?” Fili asked with a quick look to his brother.

“Shave them, behead them, and be done with them,” Kili spat angrily, “I saw what they did to Alida and the others; they deserve nothing less.”

“I agree, lad,” Thorin said, “but we need to find out who their buyers are. We gain nothing if we behead them before learning what we can.”

Kili growled, the thought of the justice he promised Alida being delayed sparking his anger.

“We don’t want this to happen to anyone else, brother,” Fili said delicately, having felt the shift in Kili’s energy as his anger peaked, “We owe those they have killed that much at the very least.”

“What do you propose?” Kili grumbled. 

“Dwalin is trying to get what information he can from the slavers, but they’ve revealed little so far. I’d like to speak with Alida, when she’s had time to rest of course, to see what she can tell us.” Thorin said.

“I don’t think it’s fair to ask that of her,” Dis said, her voice wavering with worry, “She’s traumatized, Thorin.”

“I’m not proposing we interrogate her tomorrow, Dis. Go and help Kili bring her to the den, we can discuss the matter of the slavers later. Nothing is happening tonight.”

Fili and Dis made to leave, bowing low to Thorin, but Kili lingered.

Dis gave him a concerned look but Thorin waved her on, wanting to give Kili the chance to speak freely.

When the door closed behind his mother and brother, Kili turned to Thorin with a sigh.

There was a moment of silence as Kili struggled with what to say and Thorin allowed him it, watching him carefully as he paced the room. 

Thorin could feel Kili’s emotions running high and yet he was pausing, thinking before he spoke when he would usually bare all. Kili had always been quick with his words. He was passionate in all things and as such he never felt the need to censor his words. As much as it irritated him at times, it was also what Thorin loved about Kili. He truly did wear his heart on his sleeve. 

Kili stopped his pacing and looked to Thorin with desperate, pained eyes.

“Uncle, I swore to Alida that they would pay…”

“And they will, Kili. I swear,” Thorin said as he closed the distance between them, clasping the younger dwarf on the shoulder, “We need answers before we deliver them to Mahal’s justice.”

Kili nodded as he mulled over his uncle’s words.

“You worry still?” Thorin said when he was answered only by more silence.

“I…I don’t want her to go to the den,” Kili admitted, his voice barely above a whisper, the admission too shameful to speak any louder than that, “I know it’s what’s right, what will stand the best chance of helping her. I know all that. But…I don’t want her to go. I don’t want her out of my sight…”

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of, lad.”

Kili’s gaze snapped to him, his shock etched plainly across his face.

“How can it not be?” He questioned, chest tight and hands shaking as he tried to rein in his anger and disgust with himself.

“You are an alpha, lad, you’re compelled to protect omegas. Alida needs more protecting than most.”

“And I want to protect her,” Kili said in a rushed breath, “But I don’t want her to see me as one of them!”

Thorin grabbed Kili by the shoulders and made him look at him.

“You are not like them,” he said firmly, leaving no room for argument, “She’s hurt, Kili. The abuse she’s suffered has made her more submissive than omegas typically are. It only makes you more determined to defend her.”

Kili nodded as he tried to let his uncle’s words sink in.

“Calm yourself, Kili. So long as Alida is willing, you can visit her every day,” Thorin gave a small, short chuckle, “as you don’t shirk your duties, that is.”

Kili managed a laugh and looked to his uncle, gratitude and love shinning in his dark eyes.

“Go,” Thorin said with a smirk, nodding to the door, “Your mother is waiting for you.”

~~~~

Alida sat on the edge of the bed, her hands folded neatly on her lap. She kept her gaze fixed on the ground as she wept, her shoulders shaking as the alpha's words sunk in.

“What have I done wrong, master?” She managed to ask through her tears, “I’ve tried to be good!”

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Alida, not a thing,” Kili assured her, “I promised you I’d keep you safe, yes? You’ll be safer and more comfortable in the den.”

“It’s where the unwed and orphaned children live and are cared for, my dear,” Dis interjected, hoping to help allay the girl’s fears, “No alphas are allowed in unescorted and it is guarded at all times.”

“You could make friends,” Kili offered with a smile, “And I’d visit as often as you’d allow me to.”

As often as she’d allow him? Alida didn’t know what to make of that. His words implied she had power but that couldn’t be right. She was filthy omega scum, nothing and no one – didn’t he know that?

She began wringing her fingers nervously and jumped in surprise when Kili’s hands covered her own, stopping her anxious fidgeting. 

“Alida?”

Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest. He had touched her before, had carried her from the wreckage of the slavers caravan and from the great hall, but this was the first time she’d actually allowed herself to feel his touch. She could feel callouses on his fingers but his touch was soft and warm and gentle. 

“You’ll forget about me…” 

Kili shook his head.

“That isn’t going to happen, my lady.”

“It will,” she said, her chin quivering, “It will. It’s just another cage…just another…”

Her fear and sadness hit Kili hard in the chest, nearly knocking the wind from him.

He reached out slowly so as not to startle her, placing two fingers under her chin to guide her to look up from his hands.

“No,” Kili said with a small growl, “No more cages for you, my lady, not ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to go slow, because someone as traumatized as Alida isn't 'fixed' overnight but let me know what you think! Her personality will start to shine through more as the chapters go on, once she realizes her self worth. Thanks for reading and to everyone kind enough to leave me a comment :)  
> \- Ixi


	5. A Fresh Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida settles in to the den and makes a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter but I've already started the next one so don't worry! Also, FYI, this story is a part of what will be a series that will focus on Thorin, Fili, Kili and their omegas. So yes, that means two more stories (at minimum) with a Thorin X OFC and a Fili X OFC pairing are in the works.

The omega den of Erebor was unlike anything Alida had ever seen. A sizable antechamber was cordoned off into smaller rooms with huge curtains to provide privacy. There were numerous plush lounges and a hearth that kept the room comfortably warm. The beta who was giving her the tour, Bofur, explained that it was the only place in the den where alphas were allowed. Off the main room were the private baths that drew water from the natural springs found deep inside the mountain, a small but well stocked library, and the sleeping chambers. 

Every omega had their own chamber, Bofur explained, and were free to leave the den whenever the wished so long as they took one of the beta guards to act as their escort. 

Bofur led her to the room that was to be hers and she lingered in the doorway, unsure what to make of the opulence of the space. It wasn’t as large as the one she’d had in Kili’s chambers but it was just as richly decorated. The bed was dressed in crisp white sheets embroidered with swirls of silver and blue. There were shelves along one wall to house her possessions, a trunk at the foot of the bed, and a large wardrobe she thought would be impossible to fill. It was all too much.

“Prince Kili told me to make sure ye had everything you needed,” Bofur said with a warm smile, “Is there anything ye find to be lacking, lass?”

Alida shook her head without hesitation.

“It’s too much,” she said softly, unable to pull her gaze from the room she had been given. 

“Nonsense! The Prince insisted ye get a fine room. Now, the others are eager to meet ye but I’ve asked them to keep their distance and allow ye time to get settled. If ye need anything don’t hesitate to ask me or one of the other guards. We’re here to make sure ye’r comfortable and cared for.”

She nodded, “Thank you, Master Bofur.”

“Ah, none of that, lass,” he said with a bashful grin, “I’m no one’s master. Now, get yourself settled and I’ll have Ori bring ye a bite to eat. Ye must be starvin’.”

~~~~  
Ori, it turned out, was an omega like her. 

She’d entered Alida’s room with a beaming smile she was obviously trying, and failing, to rein in. After setting down a tray of sweet cakes and cider, she crossed the room to sit in the chair opposite Alida. She was bubbling with excitement and Alida couldn’t help but smile a little back at her.

“Bofur said to give you space and time but I can’t leave without saying hello,” she said as she tried to push a sweet cake on Alida, “My name is Ori, it’s so good to meet you!”

Alida accepted the treat, “T-Thank you.”

“I hope you come to like it here. It can get dull but taking care of the little ones keeps you on your toes and the library is quite nice!”

“Are there many of us here?” Alida asked, taking a small bite of the sweet cake to appease her guest.

“A dozen now that you’ve joined us, including two dwarflings. Did they have omega dens where you’re from?”

Alida shook her head.

Ori’s brow furrowed in confusion, “Then where did you live?”

Alida shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“With…with my mother…and my brothers.”

Alida fell into silence, staring down at her hands and avoiding looking at Ori as much as possible.

“I’m sorry, it was rude of me to pry,” Ori said with a frown, seeing she had overstepped, “I hope you’ll come to like it here. If you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask; if I can’t help I’m sure your suitor can.”

“My…my suitor?” Alida stammered; confused as to what the other omega could possibly mean.

Ori smirked, “The prince! Lena mentioned she saw him escort you here! You’re so lucky, Alida, to have the favor of one as kind as the prince!”

Alida shook her head, “I…I don’t. He…he’s my master.”

Ori tried to conceal her shock as much as possible. Bofur had warned her that Alida had been traumatized by those who had stolen her and that her views of the roles of alphas and omegas had been skewed. He seemed to think she’d be able to help Alida and Ori hoped he was right, but the defeated look in Alida’s eyes was troubling. How could she possibly help someone who was so hurt?

Ori patted Alida’s folded hands and smiled, “Alida, he’s not. I know it must be hard to believe, given all you’ve been through, but omegas have no masters. You’re not property or some dwarf’s plaything. I don’t expect you to believe me, but I want to be your friend and I want to help you.”

Alida chewed frantically at the inside of her cheek as she scampered to make sense of the strange omegas words.

That Kili could possibly be her suitor was absurd. He had been kind to her yes, but he was a prince and she was no one. He’d killed her old master, which meant he was her new master. It was as simple as that. But while she couldn’t believe that, she found herself wanting to believe that this girl truly did want to be her friend.

A friend…it seemed a strange and foreign idea, one that was difficult to wrap her mind around. Surely she didn’t deserve this girl’s kindness?

“I…I don’t deserve…”

“You do,” Ori said gently, “But we don’t have to worry about it all right now. Eat and then, if you’re willing, I’d love to show you the library!”

Alida bit her lip and nodded, reaching for another sweet cake and listening quietly as Ori chatted away.

~~~~

The next morning, Bofur escorted Alida to the den’s antechamber. She hoped it was her master coming to visit her, as he said he would, but was disappointed to find the burly alpha who had been there when her master had rescued her.

He cleared his throat, “Lady Alida, Prince Kili sent me ‘ere on his behalf. My name is Dwalin.”

Alida gave a nod but said nothing.

Dwalin gestured to a beta that stood at his side carrying an armload of fabric swatches and a satchel overflowing with rolls of parchment and lengths of ribbon.

“The Prince has commissioned a seamstress to prepare dresses for ye. And he’s sent a letter,” he produced a neatly folded leaf of parchment from his breast pocket and offered it to her, “He insisted I watch ye read it and bring a message back to ‘im.”

Alida took the letter and looked at it as if it were utterly foreign, turning it over in her hands a few times. She ran her fingers over the wax seal that bore a stylized ‘K’ and the emblem of the House of Durin.

“Do ye need me to read it for ye, lass?” Dwalin asked under his breath when she made no move to open it.

Alida shook her head. Her mother had taught her to read both Westron and her native Khuzdul when she was a young girl, she was merely unsure if she wanted to read it. 

With Dwalin’s gaze weighing heavily on her, she broke the seal and scanned the letter.

_My lady,_

_I am deeply sorry for not being able to see you after your first night in the den but I’ve commitments to the king I can’t shirk regardless of my want to see you. Please allow the seamstress to take your measurements; she is to prepare a selection of gowns for you. My mother assures me she is skilled, so I hope her work is to your liking._

_I promise to come and visit you as soon as I can get away from the jabbering counselors and politicians that are hounding me (they are impossible to escape!). I truly hope you are comfortable; please tell Dwalin if there is anything you’re lacking.  
Yours,_

_Kili_

_P.S. Truly, these dwarves are impossible to escape. They are painfully dull – please send someone to rescue me, if at all possible._

Alida smirked, and then bit her lip hard to conceal it. She ran her fingers over the crudely drawn flower he’d sketched at the end of his letter and glanced up at Dwalin, folding the letter back up and tucking it in one of the pockets in the skirt of her dress.

“I…I thank Master Kili for his kindness,” she said finally, “It’s all too much. Please…tell…tell him I look forward to his visit.”

Dwalin bowed, “I will do so, lass.”

“And…”

He looked at her expectantly, brows raised but otherwise silent.

Alida blushed and looked to the ground, “And tell him…tell him that I am regretfully unable to arrange his escape. I hope that he is able to find the time to visit me soon.”

Dwalin looked confused but nodded, leaving with a quick bow.

Much to Alida’s relief the seamstress worked quickly and efficiently, taking measurements without manhandling her too much and asking few questions as she worked. She thrusted a pile of fabric swatches in front of her, demanding that she pick those that she liked. She picked simpler patterns, ones she hoped weren’t as expensive, and the seamstress departed without as much as a nod.

Alida retreated to her room and pulled the letter from her pocket. Her lips twitched into a small, brief smile as she opened the chest at the foot of her bed and tucked the letter safely inside.


	6. Hounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nightmare wakes Alida and Kili goes to her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for an unpleasant flashback at the very beginning of the chapter!

_Alida didn’t look away – she knew better than that. She didn’t cover her ears either, that would only get her another beating._

_She watched, like a good girl, as her masters circled their latest victim like vultures over a carcass. She watched as they kicked and beat her with the sheaths of their swords. She watched as they tugged her hair and tore at her shirts, spitting in her face and calling her filthy names. When the girl’s ribs snapped audibly, Alida watched stone-faced and shaking. And when the poor girl pleaded with those standing by to help her, Alida was a good girl - she watched, good and silent as the beating was renewed.  
Blood splattered Alida’s bare legs and she jumped slightly, whimpering as urine trickled down the inside of her legs._

_They didn’t stop until the girl lie nearly motionless, so badly beaten she could scarcely weep. How she was still alive Alida had no clue. She whispered a prayer to Mahal that the girl would slip into an endless sleep that would take her far from the hell they were in._

_When they could get no more enjoyment from the broken girl, they started circling Alida and the others._

_One of the slavers grabbed a fistful of Alida’s hair and jerked her head back with such force she tumbled to the ground, a startled yell leaving her lips._

_“Ye think ye’r too good for us, whore?” He taunted, kicking her in the stomach and laughing when she cried out._

_“Ye know, I think she does,” another hissed, “bitch thinks she’s hot stuff!”_

_“Fuck her, Naldri!” Another snarled, kicking dirt in Alida’s face, “That’ll show her her proper place! On her knees –_

_“Shut up, you fool! Do ye want to get paid at the end of this or not? Bitch ain’t worth a thing if you lot lay a finger on ‘er!”_

_Alida choked on a sob, breaking down into tears on the ground as her captors loomed over her. She could hear them laughing and screamed when one of them grabbed her by her ankles and dragged her back to the cage._

_With a heave, the slaver tossed her into the cage and slammed the door shut._

_“Learn ye’r place, bitch. Ye’r weak, filthy. Worthless piece of trash, you ain’t no body!”_

~~~~

Alida shot out of bed and screamed so loudly her ears rung and her throat seared with a raw pain. She could scarcely hear the confused cries of the others omegas ringing out around her or the pounding on the door to her room. All she could hear were those of her tormenters and they sounded so horrifyingly real she was certain they were in the room with her.

Eager to find a safe place to hide, Alida threw back the sheets of her bed and hurried across her room on her hands and knees, searching for a dark, safe corner. A small degree of relief settled in her when she found just what she was looking for and she wedged herself into her hiding place just as the door to her room burst open.

She looked up to see who it was who had broken through her locked door and she wailed in terror, seeing his face in place of Bofur’s. 

Bofur tried to calm her.

“Alida! Girl, clam yourself!” He urged as he made his way toward her slowly, “Y’er all right!”

But she couldn’t hear his words and as memories assaulted her she broke down into a fit, raking her nails over her arms and neck with enough force to draw blood. She could smell the humid musk of the cage, the ripe scent of her own filth mixed with the sweat of her captors and the half-rotten food they’d tossed between the bars of the cage. Over that she could smell the burning of pipe weed that signalled an end to her captor’s meal and the start of the nightly beatings. She felt like she was going to be sick.

A gentle hand settled on her knee and Alida jumped in surprise, wide-eyed and hyperventilating until she was able to register through her panic that it was Ori who now knelt before her.

“Alida?” The worried omega spoke softly, “Alida, can you come with me?”

She shook her head vehemently. 

“I’m not angry, and neither is Bofur.”

Alida gave a pained whimper.

“You had a bad dream, yes? It was just a dream, you’re safe.”

No! Alida thought angrily, it wasn’t a dream. Something so real couldn’t be ‘just’ a dream. 

Ori smiled softly, “Prince Kili is here to see you. Bofur ran and fetched him. He’s concerned and he’d like to see you, but you’ll have to follow me to the antechamber. He’s not able to come back here.”

Alida went white at the mention of her master. He’d been so kind to her up until now, had given her his time and seen to her care, but surely this would earn her his ire. He’d beat her, Alida was sure of it.

“I…I can’t….”

“Please, Alida?” Ori pressed, “I swear he’s not angry with you; everything is going to be all right.”

Ori touched Alida’s hands and slowly pulled her up to her feet, praising her sweetly when she managed a small step out from her hiding place. 

“That’s so good! Come now, you can hold my hand!”

Alida proceeded gingerly to the doorway to her room, stepping over the bits of wood that had come away from the frame when Bofur had pushed through. They paused so Alida could steady her breathing and Ori rubbed her arm and smiled, silently encouraging her to take another step.

~~~~

If not for Bofur and Dwalin holding him back, Kili would have stormed into the den in search for the terrified omega, rules be damned. As it was, it was agony for him to wait for Ori to coax Alida to the antechamber when all he could smell and feel was her fear. He paced the room despite Bofur urging him not too, eyes fixed upon the door to the sleeping quarters.

He’d been fast asleep when Dwalin had woken him at Bofur’s behest, telling him between panting breaths that Alida was in distress. Kili hadn’t hesitated; he’d quickly tugged on his tunic and boots, not bothering to even straighten his sleep-tousled hair before taking off down the corridor. He had forgotten his exhaustion from the day, all he cared about was getting to the den.

And now they were asking him to wait.

“Calm y’erself,” Bofur cautioned, “Y’er going to scare her, lad.”

“He’s right,” Dwalin added when Kili’s pacing didn’t slow.

“I need to see her.” Kili snapped; his eyes dark and primal.

“And ye will, but ye’ll do no good if ye scare her worse than she is already, lad.” Dwalin reasoned.

Bofur nodded in agreement.

With a sigh, Kili stopped pacing and tried to calm himself. He knew they were right but it was impossible to ignore how ripe her fear was. Even from a distance he could smell it, could feel the sharp and stabbing pain flaring up in the center of his chest. He wanted to hold her, to mark her and cover her in his scent and keep her safe. That she felt such fear in a place he’d left her made guilt rise in him and he gave a low, pained growl.

“Easy,” Dwalin warned, having felt Kili’s shift.

“She may be scared, Kili,” Bofur said gently, “but she isn’t in real danger. She’s safe.”

Kili nodded and took a deep breath.

“What…what should I do?” He asked, unashamed to be asking the beta for guidance.

Only betas could be entrusted with the care of omegas in the den and as such the position was one that carried a great deal of respect. The scents of betas did not intimidate like an alphas could, which allowed them to live closely to omegas in crucial stages of their development. With Alida as fragile as she was, Kili was eager for any and all help in making her comfortable and ensuring her health and happiness.

“Calm her as best ye can so she’s willing to drink some tea, the herbs will help put ‘er to sleep. Ori and I can see ‘er back to her bed then and she’ll be likely to get better sleep.”

“And what…what about after that?”

Bofur’s brow arched, “Whatever do ye mean, lad?”

“She thinks I’m her master, Bofur,” Kili said sadly, almost as if it were a dark confession, “I don’t want her to. I want…”

Kili lapsed into silence.

Bofur, thankfully, knew what the young alpha meant. 

“I know, lad. And I’d be happy to teach ye how to relax around ‘er so as not to scare her. But right now let’s just worry about getting ‘er calmed enough to accept the tea. One thing at a time, ye see.”

Just then the door to the sleeping chambers creaked open, revealing a freckled, ginger-haired omega.

Dwalin tensed up, squaring his shoulders. 

“Lady Ori,” he spoke in a gruff, almost hoarse voice, “ye’ve had success?”

The omega gave a shy smirk and stepped into the room, leading Alida forward by the hand.

Kili’s heart sunk at the sight of her. She had her gaze fixed upon the ground and, though her hair was hanging in her face, he could tell she had been crying. She looked so small; standing there in nothing but a thin cotton nightgown that was far too big for her. That, coupled with the fear she was radiating, made him desperate to comfort her.

“My lady…”

She let go of Ori’s hand to wrap her arms around herself.

Her chin trembled as she struggled to maintain what little composure she had.

“Master…I…I’m so sorry! Please, please don’t send me away!”

“Alida –

“I didn’t mean too!” She continued undeterred, desperation thick in her voice, “I’ll do better! I swear! I’ll be good! Please, please don’t hit me!”

He winced at her words, unnerved that she truly thought he would do something as deplorable as strike her. 

Her breath hitched and she started to cry, looking away from him as if to prepare herself for his strike. Instead, Kili approached her slowly; managing to rein in his urge to run to her and gather her up in his arms. 

She jumped when he pulled her into a gentle embrace.

He knew the risk he took in touching her so boldly but he knew of no other way give her comfort and silence her heartbreaking pleas. She didn’t fight as she had when he’d held her in the great hall when panic had overcome her but he feared that was only because she was just so exhausted.

“Is this all right?” He asked as he rested his chin atop her head, “If it isn’t tell me and I’ll release you.”

Alida was silent for a moment and he could feel her unease, her fear, but she nodded.

And while he was relieved that she didn’t pull away, it saddened him to realize that her fear remained. His embrace didn’t alleviate her fears like he’d hoped. She was confused and clearly still expecting a beating.

“I’d never hit you, Alida,” he whispered, “And I’m not going to send you away. I told you I’d protect you and I intend to keep my word.”

Alida sniffled and he rubbed her back, only to wince upon feeling the ridges of her spine and protruding ribs. 

“Sit with me,” he said, gesturing to a lounge on the other side of the room, “Bofur and Ori will stay in the room, you’re safe.”

Alida sniffled and nodded, allowing him to guide her to the lounge by her hand. When she’d sat down, Kili fetched a blanket from a nearby chest and wrapped it around her shoulders. The room was a comfortable temperature and her skin hadn’t felt cold, but her thin nightgown left little to the imagination and while he suspected she was too distraught to notice, he wanted to maintain her modesty.

She murmured her thanks under her breath, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand and pulling the blanket tight around her.

Kili sat next to her and watched her carefully before speaking. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and risk upsetting her. He shot a quick glance to Bofur, who gave him a reassuring look from across the room where he stood with Ori and Dwalin. 

“I’m sorry they woke you,” Alida said softly, “You deserve your rest…”

“You’re in need of rest more than I am, my lady,” he paused and smirked, “I’m sorry I couldn’t visit you earlier. Dwalin gave me your message though.”

Alida nibbled the inside of her cheek to conceal the smile that threatened to show.

“You don’t have to visit me…”

“I want to.”

“And the dresses…you didn’t –

“I wanted to, Alida,” Kili assured her, “You deserve pretty dresses, a warm bed…”

Alida shook her head, clasping her hands over her face to conceal the tears threatening to fall. 

“Did the slavers tell you that?” Kili asked, unable to hold back the words, “That you are undeserving of pretty things, of basic comforts?”

She nodded.

“And your dream…was it about them?”

Again she nodded.

“My lady…”

She choked on a sob.

Kili sighed heavily. 

He gently grabbed her thin wrists and eased her hands down from her face. 

“Oh, Alida…”

Her pretty green eyes were swollen from crying and her freckled cheeks were flushed. Tear streaks ran down her face and over her lips. He could see exhaustion in her eyes, both from the night’s events and the hell that had been her life for Mahal only knew how long. It infuriated him that even now they hounded her, denied her the rest she so badly needed.

“You don’t need to tell me what you dreamt. But whatever you saw, whatever happened to you, it will never happen again.” Kili said firmly, needing her to believe the truth in his words, “You don’t have to tell me anything; though I hope one day you’ll trust me enough to.”

Alida was quiet, the only sounds in the room were her sniffles, but finally she nodded.

Kili saw Bofur approach carrying the promised cup of tea and turned to Alida.

“Alida, Bofur’s bringing you some tea. I need you to drink it all up, all right? It will help you sleep.”

She looked uncertain.

“You need your rest.”

Alida shivered and grabbed his hand as he stood.

“Don’t go,” she pleaded, “Please…”

Kili squeezed her hand, “You need your rest.”

She pouted and relaxed her hand but Kili didn’t let go. He ran his thumb over her knuckles and shushed her.

“Drink the tea, my lady, get some rest. I’ve got a meeting with the king in the morning I can’t get out of but in the afternoon I’m all yours,” he smirked, “We can have lunch together, maybe I can show you more of Erebor? If you’d like, that is.”

Alida thought about it for a moment and he allowed her it, handing her the tea Bofur had passed him.

She held it awkwardly and finally looked up to Kili, albeit briefly, unable to truly look him in the eye.

Kili could have sworn the red flush on her cheeks darkened.

“I’d like that,” she took a small sip of the tea, “Could…you maybe stay, master? Until I fall asleep?”

He smiled and sat back down next to her.

“Of course, my lady.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - Alida and Kili spend some time together :)  
> Huge thanks to everyone who has been kind enough to give me a kudo or leave a comment - they all mean so much to me!


	7. A Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida prepares for her afternoon with Kili and reveals a small glimpse of the abuse she suffered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay in updating, dear readers! Work has been kicking my ass lately :/  
> So here's a longer chapter for your enjoyment! I intended to write Kili and Alida's 'date' as one chapter but I got carried away in the set up so their actual 'date' will be in the next chapter :) Which I am so excited to write!

When Alida finally woke in the later part of the morning she felt more relaxed and refreshed than she had in months. Feeling strangely uplifted, she kicked free of the tangle of blankets around her legs and sat on the edge of her bed, rubbing her eyes as she glanced around the room. 

She saw that someone, likely Bofur, had made a quick repair of her door and tidied up some of the mess she’d made the night before. 

There was a light tapping on her door and Ori poked her head in, smiling brightly when she saw Alida was awake.

“You look like you’ve had a good sleep,” she said as she entered the room, carrying a tray full of delicious smelling food, “That tea did wonders for you!”

Alida accepted the meal Ori offered with a nod, digging eagerly into the eggs and sausage and shovelling it into her mouth with little grace. 

Ori chuckled, “I’m glad you like my cooking! I hadn’t a clue what you’d like, spent the better part of the morning trying to figure it out!”

Alida looked down at the plate and blushed. 

“I’m sorry, I –

Ori raised her hands to stop her and smiled, “Don’t ever apologize for enjoying a good meal, Alida! I’m glad you like it, truly!”

“I…thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” Ori sat down beside her on the bed, elbowing her playfully, “Better eat up quickly anyway, we’ve got to get you ready for your day with the prince!”

Alida felt a strange fluttering in her stomach. Everything that happened the night before seemed like a dream. She couldn’t believe she’d acted the way she had and that her master hadn’t punished her. And then he’d hugged her. She’d thought it was a trick at first, the calm before the storm that would be the beating she deserved, but it had never come. And instead she’d actually started to enjoy the embrace, had even felt a small degree of security. But when he said he’d spend the afternoon with her, she didn’t believe him. She didn’t want to believe anything he said; he might have been kind to her so far but that couldn’t last forever. Nothing did.

She’d do something wrong, step out of line in some small way, and then he’d run out of patience and kindness. Alphas had their limits.

“I…I don’t think he’s actually going to, Ori.” Alida admitted with a sigh, “He just needed me to take the tea…”

“Nonsense,” Ori said gently, “I saw the way he looked at you. He meant every word he said.”

Alida sat the tray aside and fidgeted, wringing her hands together in her lap as she stared at the ground.

“Alphas lie,” she said in a whisper, glancing up to Ori with a sad, pleading look in her eyes, “and they hurt. I’m…I’m tired of waiting for it.”

“For what?”

“For the punch,” Alida said with a small shrug, “or the kick…the slap…I know he’s going to, I just wish he’d get it over with…”

“He won’t, Alida,” Ori insisted, her voice gentle but firm, leaving no room for Alida to protest, “He’d never lay a hand on you, it’s not who he is. He said he’d spend the afternoon with you and he will. Do you want to? Spend time with him that is?”

She blushed but nodded.

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry yourself over!” 

Alida shook her head. 

“Ori,” she said in a pained whisper, “I don’t know what to do…I’m not good company. He’ll see that…he’ll forget about me.”

“Well, I think your fine company,” Ori said with a smile, “And hardly the forgettable sort.”

Alida managed a small smile at Ori’s kind words. She could tell the omega was being sincere; she truly doubted Ori had a malicious bone in her body, but her doubts remained. 

Ori patted Alida’s hand.

“Don’t fret over it, Alida. You’re going to have fun today, you’ll see! Let’s get you bathed and dressed, I’ll even help you with your hair!”

Alida’s gaze shot to her quickly, surprised by the weight of Ori’s offer.

“You…you don’t have to.”

Ori’s smile never wavered.

“I want to, Alida.”

~~~~

Ori led Alida through the sleeping chambers to the den’s baths. If not for Ori being her guide, Alida was certain she’d have gotten lost in the winding corridors. The den was far larger than she’d first thought.

The baths were large and made of polished stone. They were filled with water drawn from deep under the mountain using pipes concealed in the stone, Ori explained as she fetched towels from a small room set off from the main chamber. When she returned, she sat the towels down on a nearby bench and began stripping off her clothes.

Alida hesitated but followed suit, thankful that it was only her and Ori in the baths. She knew she was far too thin and the scars on her back and arms stood out against her pale skin. 

“The baths are busiest in the early morning,” Ori said as she removed her slippers, “You’re welcome to come here whenever you’d like of course. Everyone’s been told to allow you your privacy until you get more comfortable.”

Alida waited until Ori’s back was turned, tugged off her slip and scurried into the water, eager to conceal herself. Ori on the other hand took her time and folded her clothes neatly on the bench before joining Alida in the bath. 

“I hope you have fun today,” she said as she handed Alida a bar of soap, “Prince Kili was so worried about you last night, I’m sure he has something exciting planned for you today!”

Alida accepted the soap with a small smile and ran it over her shoulders and down her arms as she thought on what Ori had said. Her master had seemed genuinely concerned about her. He hadn’t struck her like she’d expected after all and while the threat remained, it had been a relief. A disarming one, but a relief all the same.

Perhaps Ori could give her the insight she needed to stay in her master’s good graces? She knew she still needed to be a good girl if he was going to keep his promises.

“Do…do you know him well?” Alida asked, hoping Ori could shed some light on the strange alpha.

“We grew up together. He used to get his brother and me into such trouble!” She smiled fondly, “Once he roped us into stealing all the sweets from the kitchen. We failed miserably of course. Three dwarflings are hardly stealthy with their arms full of sweet rolls and pies!” She laughed, “Lady Dis caught us, gave Kili a right scolding!”

“You were…friends?” Alida asked, confused. 

The princes were alphas and Ori was an omega…how could they be friends?

Ori nodded, “Still are. I moved into the den after I came of age. I could have stayed with my elder brothers of course, but they were so overprotective it was suffocating! I still see my brothers of course; we’re not prisoners here, Alida. And the princes, I see them as often as their duties permit. We don’t get into the trouble we did as dwarflings though,” She paused, noticing that Alida was fidgeting, “Did you want to know about Prince Kili, Alida?”

When Alida blushed fiercely and nodded, Ori gave a beaming smile. 

“You already know he’s the King’s nephew of course. His elder brother, Fili, is King Thorin’s heir. They’re very close, Kili and his brother, almost always at each other’s side despite having different duties.”

Alida thought of her brothers and felt her chin quiver. They’d been dead many months now and yet she missed them just as fiercely as she had her first day without them. They’d all been close, the three of them. As the youngest, she’d been determined to do everything they did and more often than naught that meant getting into trouble with them. Whatever adventures Nalain thought up, Alida was ready and eager to join in; whatever pranks Ketain plotted, Alida was the first at his side.

But now they were dead, gone. 

And it only hurt to think on such memories. 

“The Prince is a fine with a sword,” Ori continued, “but the bow is where his talent lies. He’s very skilled.”

That piqued Alida’s interest and she glanced to Ori, eager to hear more. 

“The bow?” 

In her settlement bows had only been used to hunt where traps had failed. And she could hardly say anyone she’d seen had used the weapon with any degree of skill. She found herself wondering if he’d ever allow her to see him use the weapon, but quickly dismissed the notion as foolish. He’d already been far too kind to her; she wasn’t about to ask anything of him, no matter how small.

Ori nodded, “His father taught him enough to pique his interest, and then Mister Dwalin tutored him after.”

“After what?” Alida asked, unable to rein in her curiosity.

“After his father died;” Ori frowned, “killed in an orc ambush near the Iron Hills. Kili and Fili were both dwarflings.”

“Oh…”

Ori shrugged and moved to help Alida with a stubborn tangle in her hair, “It was a long time ago. I don’t think Prince Kili has many memories of him though, but he’s never really talked about it.”

Alida glanced at Ori over her shoulder.

“Will he be angry?”

“Who?” Ori asked.

“My master,” Alida clarified in a low murmur, “will he be angry at you for telling me these things?”

“You want to know, don’t you?”

Alida nodded, “I don’t want to get you in trouble though…”

Ori chuckled as she weaved a simple braid of friendship into Alida’s hair.

“Oh, Alida! I rather suspect he’d be very flattered that you want to know more about him! Any alpha should be humbled to have the attention of an omega as lovely as you, even a prince!”

Alida didn’t shake her head, she didn’t want to wreck the braid Ori was working on, but she gave a small pained whine of distress. She wasn’t bright or fair to look upon, not like Ori was. If Ori noticed her discomfort, she had the good grace not to call attention to it. 

Ori continued.

“Prince Kili’s very courageous,” she laughed and gave a small snort, “Impatient and brash at times, yes, but he means well. He’s a good dwarf, and a fine prince.”

Impatient. 

That word scared Alida. She knew she’d need a patient alpha if she was going to avoid beatings or punishments far worse than a backhand across her cheek. A new fear settled in the pit of her stomach and she bit her lip to stop its quivering. She’d have to try extra hard if she wanted her ‘kind’ alpha to stay that way.

“So…what do I do?” Alida asked, looking at Ori with sad, pleading eyes.

Ori smiled, “Relax, for one. You can hardly enjoy yourself if you’re as tense as you are.”

Alida gave a meek nod.

Ori sighed. She hadn’t meant her advice to sound like an order, but that was clearly how Alida had taken it. 

“You’re safe, Alida,” Ori reminded her as she draped a finished braid over her shoulder and started on another, “Both with me and with the prince. Talk to him; get to know him for yourself. You’ll see that I’ve told you the truth.”

“But what if –

“Alida,” Ori said gently, “just try. I know you’re hurting but give it - give him - a chance. They’ll be no more pain for you under this mountain.”

~~~~

Alida followed the two heavily-armed guards that were to act as her escorts down the corridor to the royal wing where she was to meet Prince Kili. 

Ori had lent her one of her own gowns, a dress of light green and white silk with silver brocade. Alida had tried to refuse the dress, had insisted it was too fine a thing to lend, but Ori would hear nothing of it. It was a little big on her but Ori had used pins to hide the excess fabric and tied the bodice tight. She’d had outdone herself on Alida’s hair as well, pulling it up and out of her face with pearl pins and braids. Alida had hardly recognized herself when she’d looked in the mirror; she felt like she was in someone else’s body. 

Her escorts stopped and knocked on a door.

Alida heard her master’s voice beckoning them inside. She swallowed hard and tried to remember Ori’s words of encouragement as the doors opened and her escorts stepped aside to allow her into the room.

The room was quiet and dimly lit, the only source of light being the heart and a few flickering candles.

She saw her master sitting at his desk, his attention entirely focused on the sheets of parchment strewn across the table. She noted that his braids, as few as he wore, were dishevelled. When he looked up from his work, she saw dark circles under his eyes and was immediately hit with overwhelming guilt.

She’d interrupted his night with her fit and he was exhausted because of it.

Alida gave a stiff curtsey.

“M-Master…”

She heard shuffling and looked up to see her master approaching. 

Much to her surprise there was a beaming smirk on his lips. Even his eyes seemed brighter.

“My lady,” He reached out and took her hand, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles, “Thank you for coming,” he looked up, “You look well rested!”

Alida bowed her head, averting her gaze from her master, “I’m sorry, master!”

Kili stood and looked at her, brow arched in confusion.

“Whatever for?”

“My fit…last night,” Alida said with a pout, “I kept you from your rest!”

Kili was quiet for a moment and then laughed.

“Mahal, Alida, you’re not the cause of my exhaustion!”

“I-I’m not?”

Kili shook his head, and then led her by the hand to his desk. He flipped through the stack of reports on his desk with his free hand. Truly there were so many on his desk Alida could scarcely see the polished wood of the desktop.

“The king bombarded me with what must be all the reports, petitions, appeals, and proposals to have come to Erebor in the last month in our meeting this morning!” He gave a heavy sigh, “I’m not sure what I did to earn this; Fili’s the heir after all, this is his sort of work!”

Looking down at the scope of her master’s workload, Alida nibbled the inside of her cheek. Surely she could not expect him to spend time with her now? Not after having seen just how busy he was. 

“You…you don’t have to keep your promise, master. You’ve got so much to do, I’m hardly a priority.”

Kili squeezed her hand and looked down at her fondly, “Nonsense! I’m eager for a distraction from this honestly, and besides, I’m not about to break a promise to you.”

“I…thank you,” she said in a whisper after the initial shock of his words had worn off, “Thank you, master.”

She felt a shift in his energy, smelled a change in his scent, and risked a small glance upward only to see that there was a hurt look on his face. It startled her. There was a softness present, a sincerity that she wasn’t sure how to process. 

“I’ve a request to make of you, my lady,” he began gently; “I’d ask that you not call me ‘master’.”

Alida made to speak but he shushed her.

“You have no master, Alida, because you need none. When you call me ‘master’…I feel as vile as the filth that tore you from your home in the Blue Mountains. I know it’s what feels right to you…but please, please…could you just call me Kili?”

Alida trembled slightly. What he asked made no sense. He was her master, why couldn’t she call him thusly? 

“I…I don’t understand…you killed my old master, so you became my new one.”

Kili watched her carefully, wary to throw too much at her at once but desperate to never hear her call him ‘master’ ever again. 

“I promised I’d keep you safe, Alida,” he flicked his finger under her chin, coaxing her to look up, “You’ve done so well, but you mustn’t push yourself. Don’t rush to make sense of it all. Trust me in this, my lady. I swear to Mahal I’m not leading you astray.”

He smiled when she looked up at him.

“Ki-li,” he prompted, “I’m Kili. Your friend…not your master.”

His alpha instincts demanded he comfort and protect her. He took a steadying breath, a faint growl emanating from deep inside him, and focused on the omega before him. Taking a risk, he leaned forward and pressed a brief but firm kiss to her forehead.

Alida gasped and stiffened but somehow managed not to flee or crumble to her knees. Her heart thundered wildly in her chest and she suddenly felt as though all the wind had been knocked from her. A punch she knew how to deal with, a kick she could endure…but a kiss? What was she to do with such a thing?

She wasn’t prepared for how overwhelming such a small gesture would be. It was chaste, she knew, no self-respecting alpha would desire her let alone one as honorable as a prince; but it was so comforting, so warm, she was rocked.

Seeing her reaction, Kili quickly stepped back. 

He hung his head in shame. If Thorin or his mother had witnessed his actions, he’d be banished from ever seeing Alida again; he was sure of it.

“I’m so sorry, my lady, please forgive me…”

Alida pressed her hand to her chest to try to physically calm the frantic beating of her heart. After a few tense minutes, she was finally able to take a deep breath and the pain in her chest lessened.

By some miracle, Alida was able to find her voice.

“It’s all right,” she managed in a whisper, “I know…I know you weren’t going to hurt me.”

“You do?” Kili asked hopefully.

Alida nodded, “When…when Master Naldri would hit me, he’d smell…different…”

Hot and musky, a scent so powerful it was enough to make her nauseous. 

“And his energy…dark, heavy….” She shivered, “Nothing like you…”

Kili swallowed his fury and managed to suppress the fierce growl that was brewing in his chest. Her words offered a small glimpse into the hellish treatment she’d endured and, Mahal preserve him, he didn’t think he was strong enough to hear any more, not yet at least.

Reining in his anger and projecting an aura of calm and steadfast protectiveness, he looked at her.

“And that scares you,” Kili realized, seeing it unspoken in the gleam of her eyes.

Alida nodded.

“Do you…still want to spend the afternoon with me? If you’d rather not…”

Alida considered his words. Though she still didn’t know what to make of his kindness, nothing about him reminded her of her old master. His scent, his energy…it was all different. He was safe; or at least that was what her omega instincts were telling her. The instincts she’d honed in the many months she’d spent in the caravan however urged caution, submission, and subservience. It was a conflict strong enough to give her a headache.

Through all that inner turmoil, Ori’s words from earlier in the day returned to her.

_“…give him a chance. They’ll be no more pain for you under this mountain…”_

Alida nodded.

“I think…I’d like that very much, your highness.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone whose left a comment or a kudo! I'm so glad people are enjoying this story!!! You all rock!


	8. Bumps in the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida and Kili's day together doesn't go quite as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay, dear readers! I rewrote this chapter a few times. I really wanted to make sure I wasn't going too fast, considering Alida's past traumas, but at the same time show some degree of promise or progress. I hope it's to your liking!
> 
> ****CHAPTER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SCENES/FLASHBACKS OF VERY MATURE SUBJECT MATTER; INCLUDING A SHORT FLASHBACK OF RAPE THAT COULD BE TRIGGERING TO SOME! THAT FLASHBACK IN PARTICULAR DOESN'T INCLUDE A GREAT DEAL OF DETAIL BUT PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

Nervous seemed too small and simple a word for what Alida was feeling. What she was feeling settled in the pit of her stomach, a furious fluttering that tightened her chest and made taking a deep breath difficult. It scared her, but not in the way she’d known fear up until this point. 

Kili led to her to a sitting room off of his office and pulled out a chair at the table for her. He summoned the servants and soon enough there was a plethora of food before her. Her eyes widened at the sight of so it. On the table before her was more food than she’d had in the months she’d spent in the slave caravan combined. Fruit, seared fish, fresh-baked breads and a vast assortment of sweets – it made her mouth water. She glanced at her bare plate and then to Kili, who was busy filling his plate.

He looked up, having felt her gaze upon him and gave her a concerned look.

“Is something the matter, Alida?”

She gave a small shrug.

“It’s…been some time since I’ve seen so much food,” she muttered, the words feeling foolish somehow, “I’m not sure where to begin…”

“Wherever you’d like,” he reached across the table and squeezed Alida’s hand, “You’re never going to have to worry about when your next meal will be, Alida. You’ll be deprived of nothing under this mountain.”

Alida looked down at his hand upon hers and gave a small, quick smile. It was a small, innocent touch but one that would have terrified her in the caravan. It still unnerved her some but the protective, safe energy her master was giving off soothed her. She found herself, in that simple moment, wishing beyond hope that this was real – that he was real. She remembered the strange feeling of his lips pressing to her forehead and felt her heart flutter at the memory. She still didn’t know what to make of it – of any of it really – but it felt…good. Very good. Her smile grew and she bit down on her lip in an attempt to conceal it.

“I wish you’d do that more often…” Kili said in a sad, soft voice that caught Alida off guard and pulled her from her worries.

She glanced back to him, “Whatever do you mean, your highness?”

Kili gave a short chuckle, “Smile. It looks good on you.”

Alida blushed fiercely and looked down, toying with her fork in an attempt to avoid the heat of his gaze.

“Aaaaand it’s gone,” Kili said with a laugh.

He’s so handsome when he laughs; Alida found herself thinking, much to her embarrassment, such a beautiful smile…

She tore her gaze away from him, scolded herself inwardly for thinking of him in such inappropriate ways, and hurried to do what was proper for one of her lowly status.

“I-I’m sorry – 

“Don’t apologize for not smiling, Alida,” Kili said, flabbergasted, “Mahal knows life’s not given you much cause to smile. I hope that will change. But I’m proud of how far you’ve come. You’ve not been here long and already you’ve done so well!”

Alida hadn’t a clue how to respond. Kindness, praise…it was so foreign and yet so freely given by him.

“I…thank you, your highness.”

“You’re welcome,” he gestured to the food she’d yet to touch, “Come; eat your fill, my lady.”

With a quick smirk and a nod, she did as he said. She picked at her food, trying a little of everything and forcing herself to go slow so as not to offend her master or make herself sick. 

After a few moments of strangely comfortable silence, Kili spoke.

“I confess, I’d like to ask you about yourself and your life but I don’t want to upset you,” he frowned, setting down his goblet and absentmindedly tracing its detailed lip with his thumb as he considered his words, “I know there’s a lot of pain in what I’d ask.”

Alida set down her fork and gave a small shrug, “I’ll answer whatever questions you have, your highness.”

“Because you want to or because you feel you must?” Kili countered, unsettled by the cold and detached tone of her voice, “Alida, I’m not commanding you. You can say no and I won’t be angry with you.”

She said nothing and Kili caught her nibbling frantically on the inside of her cheek, something he’d noticed she did whenever she was deep in thought or nervous. While it pained him for her to be so anxious, it was a habit he found strangely adorable.

An idea struck him and Kili leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and smiling. He’d completely forgotten about the heaping platters of food before him; he was entirely focused on her.

“What if I go first?” He asked hopefully, “Would that be all right?”

Alida nodded; the barest hint of a smile on her lips.

“All right, good,” he thought for a moment, “You already know I’m a prince. King Thorin is my mother’s elder brother. She had another brother, Frerin, who was the middle child, but he died long before I was born. Fili and I are close to Thorin though, he helped mother raise us, taught us how to hunt and fight.”

Taking a chance, and hoping to avoid an awkward silence, Alida said the first thing that came to mind.

“Ori…said you favor the bow…”

Kili’s eyes widened in shock and he stammered slightly as he hurried to regain his composure.

“You…spoke to her about me?”

Alida tensed, expecting anger, “Is…that wrong? I…please don’t be mad at her.”

“Mad?” Kili questioned, “Mahal, why would I be angry?”

“We…were speaking about you. It wasn’t right. I asked…it was my doing…”

That surprised him. The idea that she had asked Ori about him was encouraging. She wanted to know more about him, wanted to know if she was truly secure in her new home – he could understand that. And he was deeply flattered too. He couldn’t wrap his head around her expecting him to be angry however.

“Alida, my lady, I’m not angry!” He assured her, “I swear I’m not! I’m flattered; you wanted to know more about me, yes?”

She nodded quickly, embarrassed by the admission.

“You can ask me anything, Alida. I don’t want you to doubt that. Ori, she’s been a good friend to you?”

“Yes…she’s been very patient. She…said she grew up with you.”

Kili smiled fondly and nodded, “That she did, poor girl. Fili and I roped her into so much trouble as dwarflings I thought she’d die of embarrassment long ago!”

“Really?”

He laughed.

“Ori was the cautious one, always trying to rein Fili and me in from whatever insane plot we were wrapped up in. She could sway Fili easy enough most times but I’d never hear any of it; they’d blink and I’d be off somewhere I shouldn’t be, neck deep in trouble.”

It wasn’t hard for her to imagine him as a dwarfling terrorizing the halls with his antics, laughing as he dragged his brother and poor Ori into trouble. It made her think of her own brothers and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, silently wishing the memory away. It lingered despite her efforts and she vividly recalled running through a corn field with her brothers, their arms full of potatoes and carrots, their laughter blocking out the curses of the irate farmer chasing them. She recalled leaping into the pond with them and erupting into an uncontrollable fit of laughter when Ketain was so badly startled by a frog he screamed like a maid.

Kili noticed and his smirk faded.

“What is it?”

“I…it’s nothing,” she muttered.

_His blood splattered up her skirt and bodice, up over the exposed skin of her neck. Its warmth startled her and for a second the chaos around her was gone and the world was silent. The clashing of swords and the ringing of screams returned once his body hit the ground before her. Alida caught a glimpse of his dead eyes, his face splattered with blood. She screamed and screamed and screamed…_

“Alida, what is it?” Kili said gently, “You can tell me.”

_She screamed his name as the slavers dragged her away. She fought against their hold, clawing at them wildly, desperate to get back to his side. Nalain….Nalain…Nalain…._

When she remained silent, Kili feared the worst.

“Have I said something to upset you?” He asked; his voice devoid of the cheer it had held not moments ago.

Alida quickly shook her head, “No…no, your highness…it’s just…”

He could see she was deep in thought and bit back the urge to pester her with more questions, instead allowing her the time she needed to gather her thoughts. 

Alida took a shaky breath and spoke.

“What you said, your highness…it…it reminded me of someone…”

Kili watched her carefully and spoke only when the ever-so-slight trembling of her chin eased.

“Who?”

He felt the panic rise in her and quickly tried to calm her with his own energies. When that did little, he moved his chair closer to her and took a hold of her trembling hands. He hushed her, murmuring words of comfort under his breath in Khuzdul.

“You’re safe,” he reminded her in a whisper, “Breathe, my lady.”

She managed to take a deep breath and he smiled and praised her.

Kili smiled, “Good, Alida, that’s very good.”

Alida gave a long sigh and allowed herself the comfort of her master’s scent. 

“My brothers,” she managed in a whisper, “What you said…it reminded me of my brothers…”

Kili fell silent, the weight of her words hanging in the air around them.

“They loved their pranks,” she said, her voice wavering and eyes glistening with unshed tears, “I was their shadow…”

He cracked a small smirk, “You were the Ori of your group then?”

She shrugged, not really wanting to get into who she had been.

“What were their names?” 

“Hmm?”

“Your brothers?”

Alida swallowed hard, her throat feeling strangely tight.

Why did he care? Why did he want to know anything about her? Ketain and Nalain were dead and she might as well be too. 

She pulled her hands away free of his and roughly rubbed her watery eyes. Her head hurt and she pressed her fingers to her temples, barely registering Kili’s worried gaze.

“Why do you care?” Alida asked, panic ringing loud in her voice, “Why do you want to know anything about me? Why am I even here?” She wrapped her arms around herself and lowered her voice, muttering more to herself than Kili, “I don’t understand…you make no sense…”

“How do you mean, Alida?” Kili questioned when her voice drifted off.

She gave a heavy, frustrated sigh and looked away from him as her chin quivered.

“M-Master Naldri hit me, hurt me. He and the others…they said whoever bought me would do the same. They said my new master would…use me…they said that was all I was good for and that I’d need a patient master to put up with me!”

Kili felt sick to his stomach. He knew of course why slavers targeted omegas, why there was such a sick demand for them, but it was difficult to hear it from Alida. The thought of her suffering such a fate…it made him even more thankful that he and his men had intercepted the caravan. Still, it hurt. That she expected him to hit her, to…take her…

He wanted her to understand, to know without a doubt that the life the slaver’s threatened her with was never going to happen. Mahal, how was he supposed to make her see that she was safe?

“Alida –

“Ori says you’re safe, she said to give you a chance, she said there’d be no more pain! But that can’t be right!” She chocked on a sob, “It can’t be…”

She rocked forward as she cried and, not knowing what else to do, Kili rubbed her back.

He watched her weep and cursed himself for pushing her. Everything she had been through couldn’t be fixed in so little time. She hadn’t been ready and he’d ignored that. He wished he knew what to do and say around her to make her feel secure…to make this right.

“Alida...the dwarves who kidnapped you told you lies about yourself.”

Her breathing calmed and she looked up at him, confusion evident in her glassy eyes.

“You don’t deserve to be hit or threatened and you’re no dwarf’s plaything,” he brushed away the tear streaks on her cheek and smiled softly, “You are a beautiful young woman who deserves to feel safe. You don’t need a ‘patient’ master…you need a friend and that’s what I want to be for you.”

He could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn’t believe him, not entirely at least.

“I want to help you, Alida. I don’t know how but I’m willing to try. Do you…do you want to return to the den?”

He couldn’t blame her if she wanted to call an end to their day and return to the den. It had hardly gone as he’d hoped and he didn’t want to draw it out any longer if she wanted to be free of him.

_Mahal, how I’ve messed this up…_

“I…don’t know if I can trust you,” Alida admitted, “Alphas lie.”

“I haven’t lied to you.”

“Not yet,” she said under her breath, tensing as she looked to him.

Kili sighed and she saw his lips quirk up into that handsome smirk she liked.

“Not ever, Alida. I’m not like the dwarves that hurt you,” he took her hand in his and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, “I’m so sorry I upset you. I really do want to get to know you, but I shouldn’t have pushed you. I hope you’ll tell me more once you’re ready.”

Alida nodded.

“Do you want me to escort you back to the den? We don’t have to go to the market unless you want to.”

“The market?”

She used to love visiting the market with her mother and brothers, but that was a long time ago. She was a different person now. And then there was the lingering question of trust. 

Could she trust him? He hadn’t hurt her, nor had he lied to her to the best of her knowledge…perhaps he wasn’t like the other alphas? 

She nibbled on her bottom lip as she considered the risks.

“The one I thought we’d go to is one of the smaller ones in Erebor,” Kili said when she remained silent; “I didn’t want to overwhelm you. And we’ll have guards with us.”

She gathered her courage and nodded.

“I…all right.”

~~~~~

The marketplace was bustling with life and laughter. Everywhere she looked there were vendors and she found herself wondering what the larger markets in Erebor looked like. 

She tightened her hold on Kili’s arm as they went down a particularly congested path.

He looked to her and smiled. 

“It’s all right, Alida.”

Her gaze darted all around her, “There’s so many people…”

“There are. Erebor is home to many dwarves.”

“Does it ever make you feel small?”

“Hmm?”

“Being one of so many…”

Kili shook his head, “Do you feel small here, Alida?”

She shrugged, “Sort of…I-I’m not sure.”

Kili pulled her close and shot her a warm smile.

“You’re not alone, my lady. Come, I promised you I’d be all yours this afternoon and I intend to make sure you have a good time.”

~~~~~

Somehow they ended up in the lavish wing of the market, where every stall was draped in rich silks and satins. She’d lost track of all the twists and turns they’d taken, but Kili seemed to know where he was going. When she questioned where they were going, he merely smiled back at her and urged her to be patient.

They finally stopped in front of a tailor’s shop. He asked the guards to wait outside, which they did without question.

She followed him inside and jumped in surprise when, a young dwarven woman she suspected to be the tailor’s assistant, shrieked and dropped into a dramatic bow, dropping the armful of fabric she was carrying in the process.

“Y-Your highness! I-It is so good of you to grace this humble shop with your presence!”

Kili didn’t seem phased by the young woman’s reaction.

“Dear lady I’m looking for your mistress, is she available?”

The girl nodded quickly and scurried to the back of the store without another word.

Alida looked up at Kili. She said nothing but her eyes told him plenty.

“Not one for surprises are you?” He laughed, “We’re here to pick up the dresses I had ordered for you.”

“They’re already done?”

Kili shrugged, “One of them, yes. Mother did say this seamstress was the very best.”

“May I ask how many did you ordered, your highness?”

“A few. Mother said every young lady should have a dress for every occasion.”

Every occasion? Alida couldn’t fathom what he meant. In Ered Luin she had one good dress she wore to parties, but that was it aside from the three simple dresses she rotated day-to-day. 

Alida shook her head, “I can’t ask you to do all of this. It’s all too much, and it had to be expensive…”

“I want to. It makes me happy to give you nice things, Alida.”

The seamstress finally appeared, her assistant trailing behind her with a large bundle in her arms, and bowed. 

“Prince Kili, it’s so good of you to come.”

“Thank you, dear lady, for being so prompt in starting my order. My mother’s faith in you was well placed. I’m eager for my lady to receive her gowns.” He looked to Alida and smiled.

“Ah, of course,” the seamstress reached out to Alida, beckoning her forward, “Come, dear, let’s make sure it fits, shall we?”

Alida quickly looked to Kili, who nodded.

“Go ahead, I’ll wait here.”

“Oh, no, no, no!” The seamstress exclaimed, wagging her finger at Kili, “I must witness your reaction to my work, your highness! I slaved over this gown for hours; I need to see your face at the moment of reveal!”

Much to her relief, he didn’t protest. The idea of being alone with the two women in the back of the shop didn’t sit well with her and she was glad that her master would be close should she need him.

They followed the seamstress into the back, where Kili sat on a lounge and Alida was ushered behind a curtain in the same room.

The seamstress hung the new dress of to the side and moved behind Alida to begin quickly and roughly unlacing her bodice. It was enough to cause Alida to jump and attempt to pull away.

“My dear, you must remain still if we’re to get this done!” The seamstress said in a huff.

Alida knew she was being foolish, the woman was merely trying to do her job and she had met her before, but her unease remained. She gave a small whine and forced herself to remain still, though an involuntary shiver shot down her spine that caused her to tremble slightly. Rather abruptly, she felt sick to her stomach. Somehow the sound of the laces coming undone was incredibly loud, the memory of a terrified girl’s pleas coming back and hitting her full force.

_Alida watched in horror as her captors tore the pleading woman from the arms of her fellow omegas and tossed her to the ground. Two of the slavers held her down, one taking her arms and the other her legs, as a third tugged at the laces of her corset. They pawed at her like animals, laughing as she wept and hiking up her skirts as their comrade tore the remnants of her blouse away and settled between her legs…_

“Is there a problem?” Kili asked from the other side of the curtain, picking up on the omega’s unease.

_Tears trailing silently down her cheeks, Alida stood still and obedient with the other omegas as their captors stood guard. She shook violently, bile rising in the back of her throat._

_When the final slaver had had his turn with the girl, Master Naldri approached and dumped a large bowl of gruel on the sobbing omega. “Here,” he sneered, “food for a fuck; that was the deal.”_

_His men hooted in delight as the abused girl scooped the slop of her stomach and ate it greedily, weeping as she went. Master Naldri crouched down beside her and said loud enough for all to hear, “I’m not without mercy, filth.”_

The seamstress sighed in frustration, “The lady is merely a touch fidgety, your highness. It’s no matter.”

“Alida,” he approached the curtain, “Are you all right?”

“Y-Yes, your highness.”

A pause, and then, “I don’t believe you, my lady. May I draw back this curtain?”

Alida managed a muttered ‘yes’ and, ignoring the seamstress’s protests, Kili pulled back the curtain. His gaze fell upon Alida, who stood trembling on the small platform surrounded by mirrors, her bodice half-way unlaced and eased down over her shoulders exposing her chemise and offering him a generous glimpse of her cleavage. 

He swallowed hard.

“Give us a moment, dear lady,” Kili told the seamstress, glaring at her when she hesitated. 

When she finally retreated, he looked back to Alida, who was clutching the bodice of her dress up in an attempt to cover herself. 

She looked so crestfallen and his heart sunk deep into the pit of his stomach. So far, the day he’d planned for her was hardly the fun and exciting time together he envisioned. 

“Talk to me, Alida.”

“Too…too fast, she moved too fast,” she said in a shaky breath, “Don’t want to be here…please, master…”

Though he thought it wasn’t possible, his heart sunk even deeper.

There it was again, ‘master’.

“We can leave, Alida, that’s all right. Ori can help you try the dress on later.”

She nodded quickly.

“Can…can I help…umm…lace you back up, my lady?” He stammered, the words tumbling from his lips with no grace whatsoever. 

He saw the unease in her eyes.

“Mahal, I’m so sorry, Alida,” he whispered, his voice thick with sadness, “I meant today to be fun for you and it’s been nothing but. Let me help you, my lady, and then I’ll get you back to the den.”

She looked up meekly at him.

“No…I’m sorry…I keep messing up. It’s just…bad memories,” her voice caught in her throat, “B-bad, bad, bad…”

Kili shushed her, “In the past, my lady. Not here or now. Now you are safe,” he shot her a smile he hoped would brighten her mood, “And you’ve got me to protect you.”

Her nerves eased some but Kili could tell she was still unsure, uncomfortable. 

“Let me help you with the laces, Alida, then we’ll get you back to the den.”

She shifted her arms, fumbling with the front of her dress. There wasn’t any way she could do them herself and she didn’t want the seamstress to touch her again. The woman’s movements were too jerky, too quick. 

So she nodded and tried her best to remain calm as he stepped behind her. 

“Tell me if it’s too tight,” he said as he began tightening the laces.

He worked as quickly as he dared, not wanting to startle her with sharp tugs but also not wanting her to feel exposed any longer than necessary. 

When he was finally finished, he took Alida by the hand and led her back to the front of the store. Her grip on him was firm and he whispered words of praise and reassurance to her as they walked.

The seamstress and her assistant were there waiting and it took great restraint for Kili not to lash out at the sight of the older woman’s scowl. 

“My lady isn’t feeling well,” he said firmly, “You will deliver the dresses to me directly and not bother Lady Alida any further.”

“But –

“I will ensure they are delivered to her,” he growled, “Good day, ma’am.”

~~~~~

It wasn’t until they neared the edge of the market that finally Alida spoke.

“Forgive me, master…”

“There’s nothing to forgive, my lady,” he sighed, “Today was my fault.”

She glanced up at him, confusion evident in her eyes.

“I’d meant for today to be so much fun for you, Alida. I wanted to spoil you, get to know you a bit more if I could. Instead…well, it wasn’t what I wanted for you at all.”

Alida wasn’t sure what to say. No one had ever tried so hard to make her happy. 

While she wracked her mind for something to say, a gentle whining from a nearby stall caught her attention. She stopped, jerking Kili to a halt, and peaked around him to search for the source of the sound.

“Alida?”

He looked in the direction she was and saw an elderly couple sitting at a stall, a wooden box sitting on the ground by their feet. 

“Would you like to go over?” he asked when her gaze didn’t falter from the box.

Alida nodded and they approached.

Before Kili had a chance to greet the couple, Alida squealed and dropped to her knees. At first he was afraid she was hurt or scared, but then he saw what had caught her attention. Nestled in the box, in a bed of straw, was a litter of puppies. 

Kili laughed, in complete awe of what he was witnessing. Alida looked…happy. She was actually smiling as she reached in and gently picked up one of the pups, cradling it to her chest as if it were the most precious thing she’d ever seen. It seemed smaller than its siblings and was a whimpering puff of black and white fluff. Its ears poked up in a way that was almost comical and it stared at Alida with big blue eyes, its tail wagging wildly.

The elderly man laughed, “I see your lady has found a friend, your highness!”

“I do believe she has,” Kili smirked and watched Alida intently.

“Would they lady not prefer a healthier pup?” The older woman asked with caution as she smoked her pipe, “That pup is the runt of the litter. It’s a miracle he’s survived this long.”

Alida quickly shook her head and looked up at him with panicked, pleading eyes. 

“No! He’s perfect,” she hugged the pup tighter to her chest, looking down at him, “I could…I could take care of him…”

“He’s the one you want, then?” Kili asked, digging into his pocket for the required coin.

“You’d get him for me?” Alida asked in disbelief, “But…you’ve already done too much, master. This is too much…”

Kili handed the couple double what they asked for the pup and smiled down at Alida.

“It’s a small price to see you smile, my lady.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that chapter was longer than I expected it to be! Thank you to everyone who has commented/left a kudo! It means so much to me :)


	9. A Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida has a good day; Kili...not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I'm back! I'm so, so, so sorry it took so long for me to update!!! Life has been...well, not a lot of fun lately. I'm trying to get back into my stories as a way to reclaim some of my sanity, so hopefully I'll be more active here and on FF.net. Thanks for hanging in there, dear readers!
> 
> *******WARNING: This chapter contains a scene in which rape, torture, and other unpleasant topics are mentioned (not in great detail mind you). Please be keep that in mind as you read.

The week following her day with Kili passed quickly and she unfortunately saw very little of him in that time. He sent notes through Dwalin, each of which she read and filed away in the trunk at the foot of her bed. There were apparently a dozen meetings and other duties detaining him and while she could understand that, she was having trouble understanding why he felt the need to justify himself to her. He was a prince and her master; if he never wanted to see her again he certainly wouldn’t have to give her a reason.

Still, it pleased her every time Dwalin brought her one of his notes and she found herself looking forward to them. While they weren’t a substitute for his presence, it was reassuring to know he hadn’t forgotten about her.

She was sitting at the foot of her bed reading his latest note, the puppy he had bought her curled up in her lap when Ori bounded into her room.

“Good morning, Alida!” She leapt onto the bed and ruffled the puppy’s fur, “and Fallon, of course! Another note from Kili?”

Alida nodded, “He can’t see me today.”

“I’m sorry,” Ori said with a frown, “I know you were hoping to see him.”

She sat his letter aside and smiled down at Fallon as he started nibbling on her fingers. 

“I…I was. But at least he hasn’t forgotten about me.”

“There was never any risk of that happening, Alida.”

Alida shrugged, “I know you think that, Ori –

“It’s not what I think, it’s what I know.”

“Still…it could. I don’t want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed…”

“I understand your reservations, but I don’t think he’d do that to you. He’s taken a great deal of interest in you. If he didn’t enjoy your company or hope for something more with you, he’d have distanced himself from you the moment you were settled in the den.”

“Something more?”

Ori nodded, “Such as courtship.”

Alida immediately felt a rush of warmth upon her cheeks and looked away from Ori. 

“He doesn’t want…that…not with me…”

An alpha of his quality deserved an omega of equal standing and grace. 

Even before being captured, she had neither. The simple farming community she grew up in was nothing like Erebor. She wore rough wool dresses her mother made and helped her tend the fields while her brothers worked the mines. Her life was not one of silks and satins, nor was it a fairy tale where a handsome dwarf would swoop in and save her. 

Ori sighed and reached out, grasping her hand and offering her a sweet, apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, Alida, I really don’t mean to upset you. It just hurts, hearing you beat yourself up.”

Alida shrugged, “I speak the truth.”

“Nonsense!” Ori stood and put her hands on her hips, “Come, we’re not going to sit here and wallow! We’re going to have fun today, mark my words!”

“Oh, really?” Alida asked with a small smile, the determined look in Ori’s eyes brightening her mood despite her best efforts to resist its pull, “What do you have in mind?”

“Well, why don’t we go and see my brothers? Nori can be a pain at times and Dori’s a mother hen but they mean well – and Dori makes a delicious apple pie!”

“Is it…I mean would it be all right? For us to leave the den?”

“You already have.”

“Yes, but before that was with the Prince.”

“We’re allowed to leave the den, Alida. We’ll take one of the den’s guards – just as a precaution – but Erebor is safe. We won’t venture down to the mines or the armoury of course; my brother’s live in a neighborhood not far from here and they would love to meet you!”

Alida had to admit the idea was appealing. She trusted Ori and as cautious as she was of the world beyond the den, the thought of stretching her legs a little made her smile. And her master would be proud of her, she thought, for taking such a step. 

At least, that was her hope.

“All right, Ori.”

Ori squealed in delight and pulled Alida into an embrace. 

“Oh, they’re just going to love you!”

~~~~~

In the deepest reaches of the mountain, soldiers of Erebor dragged their prisoner down a dank corridor. They showed him no care or concern, making no attempt to avoid the murky puddles of water or the quagmire of muck and mud that covered the path. It was a level of Erebor’s dungeon system scarcely used, as its conditions were damp and miserable, and yet Thorin deemed it appropriate for the slavers Kili had brought back in chains. It was a ruling that was met with no objections.

The guards heaved the prisoner through the doorway at the end of the corridor and roughly tied him to a chair positioned in the center of the room, binding him so tightly the chains and rope bit painfully into his skin.

One guard dumped a pale of dirty water over his head, startling the dwarf to alertness. 

“State y’er name,” Dwalin commanded, glaring down at the dwarf from where he stood.

When Thorin had expressed his desire for answers from the slavers, Dwalin had promised him such. After days in this sparse cell, Dwalin was confident dwarf was ready to talk. Others might have beaten the man into submission, tortured him until he his screams echoed throughout Erebor, but Dwalin was no monster. The slaver had simply been given a mere taste of the hell he had subjected their victims too. In truth, they deserved far, far worse.

“State y’er name, I’ll not repeat myself again, lad.”

“Naldri,” the dwarf answered, a smug grin on his lips.

The scribe Balin had supplied hastily scribbled down the dwarf’s name, glancing up from the parchment expectantly.

Dwalin nodded to the scribe before continuing. 

“Ye lead the slaving caravans?”

Naldri shook his head.

“Who’s in charge, then?”

Naldri said nothing.

Kili shifted in his place next to the scribe, clearly finding it difficult to do nothing in the face of the slaver’s stubbornness. Dwalin had protested Kili’s involvement and Thorin had had reservations of his own. As eager as he was for answers, Kili anger was only inflamed by his affection for Alida. In the end it was agreed Kili could observe in silence, that Dwalin had the lead, but still his unease remained. Dwalin was certain Kili would not want to hear some of what the slaver had to say.

“Ye forget ye’r life is at stake here, boy.”

“I’m dead regardless of what I tell you, dog.” Naldri spat, dark eyes shooting Dwalin a vile look, “Don’t think me an idiot. Your “king” will have my head either way. I’m not about to sing for the likes of you.”

“Oh, ye will,” Dwalin cautioned, “Ye’r right; you are a dead man. But you can face Mahal with a shred of honor, ye’r beard intact; or we can send ye to him beardless, baring the mark ye deserve.”

That caused Naldri to pause and pale. He swallowed hard but remained stubbornly silent.

“Speak, and no lies if ye value ye’r hide,” Dwalin growled, “Come now, before my patience wears thin, boy.”

Tension was thick between them and just as Dwalin made to motion the guards to take him away, Naldri spoke.

“What is it you want to know?”

Dwalin turned on his heels, “Where was the caravan headed?”

“The Iron Hills; we were to meet our contact just outside the city, along the River Carnen. From there the stock was to be smuggled into the city, with each being taken to the home of the dwarf who’d bought ‘er.”

Sensing Kili’s rising anger, Dwalin cut to the point.

“And who was ye’r contact?”

Naldri gave Dwalin an annoyed look, “There’s never any names, no real names at any rate. Boss sent us a missive, said we were to gather up a fresh group of fertiles and have ‘em to the Iron Hills for a dwarf he called ‘Peddler’.”

“These ‘fertiles’,” Dwalin said with a scowl, hating the way the word felt leaving his lips, “What were ye’r instructions with ‘em?”

“Feeding them clearly wasn’t on his list of priorities,” Kili hissed under his breath, seething at how the dwarf spoke of those he victimized.

Dwalin shot him a warning glance.

“Peddler didn’t want ‘em spoiled. We weren’t allowed to mount ‘em, it’d lessen their value, eh see?” He laughed under his breath, “We were to teach ‘em their place though.”

“And what was their place?” 

“On their knees,” Naldri said without shame, “Beat one – with all the others watching – and they’d all learn the lesson. They needed to know what they are – filthy and weak.”

When the slaver began to laugh, Dwalin felt every hair on his body stand on end. He looked to Kili, who was just barely reining himself in. Dwalin could feel the anger rippling off the young prince in waves. It was strong enough to send a shiver down his spine, and he was an alpha, same as Kili. He looked to the slaver, Naldri, and saw a knowing spark in his eye.

He motioned to the scribe and made to lead Kili from the room when the slaver spoke.

“We did…sample the wares, despite what Peddler said…”

Dwalin’s blood ran cold and Kili went still, his gaze cast down and his dark hair obscuring his face.

“There was this one, a simpering little thing we snatched near the mountains to the west. Was always crying about how damn hungry she was. One night, I told her we’d give ‘er more food if she let us all have a go at ‘er, ye see.” Naldri sighed, “That was a damn good night…made the others watch, ye’ know, let them see what they were in for.”

Dwalin grabbed Kili’s arm and whispered, “Kili, don’t.”

“We tossed ‘er aside, she wasn’t worth nothin’ after all and there were more villages to ravage, more fertiles to fill our caravan.” He gave a long, lude groan, “There was this one fertile though; thin little thing with pretty green eyes and long blonde hair…Mahal’s beard, I wanted to mount that bitch –

Kili was on the slaver before Dwalin could react, knocking him backwards in his chair and pelting the man with his fists until blood was flying and the sickening crunch of bone breaking echoed throughout the room. 

~~~~~

Kili could scarcely feel Dwalin’s attempts to pry him off the slaver, nor could he feel the searing pain of his skin splitting with every landed punch. 

He saw red; knew only the warmth of blood on his hands and the thundering pounding of his heartbeat as adrenaline sent him rushing forward.

It was a fury he’d never before experienced and he was lost in it.

Multiple hands grasped him and managed to pry him off the slaver, heaving him backwards and blocking his attempts to get back to his prey. Dwalin practically tackled him, and used the full force of his body weight to push Kili from the room.

As the door closed behind them, Kili fought against Dwalin’s grasp, a feral growl escaping him. 

“Stop! Kili, stop!”

Pinned to the wall by Dwalin, Kili’s adrenaline suddenly plummeted. His arms felt heavy and his knees went weak. The commotion around him dimmed and he felt as though he were underwater. It was like every ounce of energy was sapped from his body in an instant. 

Were it not for Dwalin, he would have crumpled to the ground in a heap.

“Hang on, lad,” Dwalin managed between gasps, exhausted himself, “I’ve got ye.”

Kili made a weak attempt to get past Dwalin.

“No more of that.”

“Dwalin –

“Alida isn’t in danger,” Dwalin reminded him, his tone firm, “She’s alive and well, that prick will be dead soon and your mother is going to tan ye’r hide once she hears what ye’ve done.”

Kili gave a short chuckle.

“Come on, lad, let’s get those hands of ye’rs looked at.”  
~~~~~

The reservations she’d had about leaving the den evaporated the moment she stepped into the apartment Ori’s brothers shared. The scent of freshly baked apple pies filled the room and everywhere she looked there were doilies, flowers, and family portraits.

Dori was warm and welcoming, and had ushered her into the sitting room with a smile, quickly running off to fetch her a cup of tea. Nori was a bit more surely but he warmed up as soon as he saw Fallon and had fussed over the little puppy the entire time. It was refreshing and somehow alien, to be around males and not be afraid. 

By the time they left, Alida felt better than she had in a very long time. She felt like she was walking taller and she was very eager to tell her master how well she had done.

“See?” Ori said with a smirk, “I told you we’d have fun today!”

Fallon barked from his place in Alida’s arms.

She laughed, “I suppose you were right, then.”

“I’m so proud of you, truly Alida. You did so well – and Kili is going to be thrilled when he hears of our little outing!”

“I hope so,” she leaned in closer to Ori and whispered, “You’re certain he’ll not be mad?”

Ori laughed, “Positive.”

~~~~~

“What in Mahal’s name were you thinking?” Thorin bellowed as he paced about the room, “Can you not restrain yourself, boy?”

“Thorin, you’re not helping,” Dis said as she cleaned and bandaged Kili’s hands, “Why you let him down there in the first place – 

“He was given an order! I trusted him, told him that he was only to observe –

“Did you really think he’d be able to obey that order?” She sighed.

Kili winced as Dis cleaned away the dry, dirty blood caked to his knuckles, “I tried to, mother.”

“Not hard enough,” Thorin grumbled.

“He’s an alpha, Thorin, what did you think he’d do when an omega was threatened? Especially one he’s so taken with!”

“She’s in no state to even consider taking a mate and I’ll not have my nephew bound to a pauper’s daughter!”

Dis interjected before Kili had the chance.

“Thorin!”

“This isn’t the time or the place,” Dwalin said with a heavy sigh, “Calm ye’rselves; the slaver at least spoke. We learned more than I thought we would.”

“Yes,” Thorin said as he crossed his arms, “He revealed a great deal before Kili gave into his taunts like a child.”

“He beat her,” Kili snarled, brushing away Dis’ attempts to calm him and standing from his seat on the edge of the bed, “He slaughtered her family in front of her! He starved her and broke her down until she thought she wasn’t worth a damn thing! He made her and the others watch as he raped one poor girl and he told me he had eyes for her, Thorin!”

The room was silent. Dis had closed her eyes and Dwalin walked away, retreating to a secluded alcove at the other side of the room.

Thorin just looked at Kili.

“She was next, uncle.” Kili said quietly, “That piece of scum doesn’t deserve a damn trial; he doesn’t deserve the hole he’s been tossed into. Have his head and be done with this farce.”

Kili fell back onto the bed weakly, his shoulders slumped forward. He was exhausted and in no mood to speak further. Thankfully, Thorin merely turned and left, with Dwalin following soon after.

Alone with his mother, he let out a breath he felt he had been holding since he first stepped into the room with Naldri.

Dis returned to the task of cleaning Kili’s wounds.

“Did the slaver really say those things?” She asked quietly.

Kili nodded. 

“Then I’m glad you did what you did, my dear,” she said, “Thorin will call for his head soon enough, you’ll see.”

Kili scoffed, “And what of Alida?”

“Hmm?”

“He won’t see me bound to a ‘pauper’s daughter’…”

“Is that what you want?”

Kili thought of Alida, of how scared she was of the world and how she called him ‘master’. The slavers had tried to break her down into something weak, but Kili couldn’t help but marvel at her resilience and strength. Beyond her physical beauty there was that – something so strong in her that the slavers could not beat out. At the very least he wanted to keep her safe, perhaps be her friend. To hope for more seemed greedy. Alphas had already deprived her of so much.

And yet hope for something more lingered.

“I…I want the chance to earn her affections.”

Dis smiled, her eyes gleaming with unshed tears. She pinched Kili’s cheek and brushed back the wild strands of his hair that had fallen forward into his face.

“My sweet son…a chance you’ll have.”

“Uncle – 

“Is not going to deprive my son of a chance at happiness,” Dis smirked.

Kili managed a smile and squeezed Dis’ hand as tightly as he was able, more grateful than words could express. He had no idea how anyone was going to sway Thorin, or if Alida would ever entertain his affections but it was reassuring to have someone on his side.

Dis finished cleaning Kili’s hands, finally standing and gathering up the blood-soiled cloths she’d accumulated in her efforts.

“Now, off to the baths with you, my dear. You’ll not stand a chance if you reek as you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Scenes you'd like to see happen? Constructive criticisms? :D Let me know! I love reading your comments - each and every one means a ton to me!  
> \- Ixi


	10. Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida has a very, very bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS VERY DARK AND CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS SELF-HARM!!!!!! 
> 
> N/A: I am so, so sorry it's taken me so long to update, dear readers! Life's been kicking my butt these past few months and I've had a hard time writing anything of any quality. I'm trying to get myself back into it, so hopefully this chapter is to your liking! *fingers crossed* I'm hoping to delve right into writing the the chapter soon so I'm going to try really hard to update ASAP!
> 
> Thank you for your continued support and patience!!!!
> 
> \- Ixi

Kili parted ways with his mother and made straight for the baths, more than eager to cleanse himself of the scent of the slaver. It clung to him like tar and he knew he would have to scrub hard to be entirely clean of it. 

The pain flaring from his knuckles was no longer dulled from adrenaline. They ached fiercely and even the smallest movement of his fingers caused pain to shoot up his arms. 

He groaned upon realizing he would likely have to pay Oin a visit.

Despite the pain, he didn’t regret his actions. The slaver deserved far worse and Kili’s only regret was that he hadn’t fought harder against Dwalin’s attempts to stop him. 

The scuffle was still a blur in his mind. He recalled in detail every foul word the man had spat in the moments before but as soon as Alida was brought up it was as if time had sped up. Rage like that had never come over him before. He’d always been passionate and he knew he could be reckless at times, but what had happened in the dungeons was something else entirely. 

As he was struggling to process all that had occurred, he caught a familiar scent in the air and stopped in his tracks.

Alida?

Kili’s confusion soon turned to panic. 

What was she doing outside of the den? Was she lost? Scared? 

He was suddenly desperate to find her, to be by her side. He hurried down the corridor with renewed purpose, moving briskly and trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach as he searched her out.

The slaver’s words echoed in his mind and Kili broke out into a run.

He sprinted around the corner and skidded to a stop.

Ahead of him, standing in the middle of the hallway, was Alida.

Kili couldn’t help but smile upon seeing her.

She was stunning, even in the simple dress she wore. Her golden hair, once greasy, fell in gleaming waves over her shoulders. He noticed sadly that she was still trying to hide behind her bangs but the sickly pallor she’d had upon their first meeting as improved dramatically. It was stunning just how much her condition had improved. 

She truly was a vision, one he could easily gaze upon until Mahal welcomed him home.

But something was wrong. He could smell it in the air, a scent growing more intense by the minute. It was nearly enough to make him gag.

And it was coming from Alida.

Ori and a guard from the den were at Alida’s side, but one look into her eyes told Kili that she wasn’t aware of their presence. Her mind was elsewhere, the dark look in her eyes was proof enough of that. 

Kili made to close the distance between them but stopped abruptly as he realized what exactly that sickening scent was. It shamed him to admit it had taken him so long to recognize it.

It was fear; pure, wild, heart-stopping fear.

~~~~~

Alida wanted to run but her feet remained rooted to the ground. She clutched Fallon to her chest tightly and though she felt the pup’s worried gaze upon her and heard his whine, she couldn’t look anywhere but at Kili. 

Though her eyes told her it was the prince, his scent spoke of someone far worse and she was immediately transported back to the cage that had been her world. She could smell urine and rotten food. She could hear her captors laughing and the wounded omega moaning as infection wracked her body. 

She vaguely registered Ori tugging on her sleeve.

“Alida?”

She took a step backwards.

_She fought against the rough hands that dragged her from the group of omegas and threw her to the ground. The laughter of the slavers drowned out her sobs and pleas for mercy. From the corner of her eye she saw her master circling her like a vulture. There was a smile on his face and a club in his hand._

_She had just enough time to cover her head with her arms and curl up into a ball before the blows started raining down upon her._

_The club connected with her arms and legs, sending shooting pain throughout her frail body. She screamed and tried to get away from him._

_He kicked her back, causing her to arch and leave herself vulnerable. Another dwarf booted her in the stomach and Alida wheezed as her breath was torn from her, leaving her gasping desperately for air._

_As quickly as it started, it was over and the world around her was quiet._

_Her entire body ached and she tasted blood in her mouth. Alida tried to stand but her hands gave out under her and she hit the ground with a thud. She murmured a quiet prayer to Mahal, begging him to welcome her into his halls before the caravan arrived at its destination, pleading with him to just take her home now before she suffered any further._

_She could endure no more._

_Footsteps approached and Alida trembled, a strained whimper leaving her involuntarily._

_Her master grabbed a handful of her hair and pressed her face to the ground. He’d knelt down next to her and had pressed his lips to her ear._

“Alida?”

She was jerked back to the present by the sound of Kili’s voice.

He’d taken another step towards her and she made to back up, only to bump into the guard who’d been accompanying her. 

Before Kili could order him not to, the beta made to steady her, grabbing her elbow to keep her from falling. 

A heart-wrenching, shrill scream left Alida and she spun on her heels, charging past the guard and Ori and sprinting down the corridor with Fallon clutched in her arms. Ori and the guard stood motionless at first, gobsmacked by what had just happened, but Kili chased after her without missing a beat.

He called after her, begging her to stop but she kept going. They sprinted past one of Erebor’s minor kitchens and down a corridor Kili knew to be a dead-end. But just as he thought perhaps there was an end to his chase, Alida made a quick turn and bolted into an opened door, pushing it close behind her.

~~~~~

The moment she had the door closed she slid the bolt home, locking it. She placed Fallon down on the ground and looked around her, searching for anything she could use to reinforce the door. The storage room was small and contained barrels of grain and wool along with numerous rolls of richly dyed fabrics and shelves full of various clay pots. Her stomach sunk as Kili’s tentative knocks on the door became pounding strikes and she searched harder. Tucked into a corner in the back she found a chair and quickly jammed it against the door, under the handle.

She fell to her knees and crawled backwards across the dusty floor until she was pressed up against one of the shelves. She clasped her hands over her ears to block out the sounds at the door and wept.

Fallon sat near her feet, watching her and whining softly.

~~~~~

“Kili, you need to breathe,” Dis soothed, grabbing her son by his shoulders to steady him.

She had coaxed Kili further down the hall and away from the storage room Alida hid in, hoping to calm him. She had arrived with Dwalin after finally getting what had happened out of the panting guard who’d been sent for them.

Kili swatted her hands away, “We need to get to her! Take down the door, she’s – 

“Terrified,” Dis finished for him, “Kili, my dear, she is terrified.”

“Why?” Ori asked in a whisper from her place next to Dwalin.

Dwalin’s gaze fell to the soft-spoken omega and he gave a heavy sigh, “Kili and I were in the dungeons this morning, having words with the slaver scum who hurt ‘er.”

Ori gasped.

“You reek of him, my love,” Dis said as gently as she could, “That you smelt of him must have been horrible to her.”

Dwalin nodded, “Must have been as if that scum was standing right before ‘er.”

Ori made a pained sound and glanced down the corridor, “Poor Alida…”

“Kili, you need to go bathe, my lad,” Dwalin said sternly, having seen the spark of defiance in his eyes, “She’ll not calm down while ye reek of that filth.”

Kili tensed, clearly fighting with himself as to what was the right thing to do, but ultimately nodded.

“Bring Bofur back with you, my dear,” Dis advised, “In the meantime, Ori and I will see if we can get her to open the door at the very least.”

When Kili left, heartbreak clearly etched upon his face, Dis had Ori and Dwalin stay where they were and moved back to the storage room in which Alida had barred herself.

She took a moment to consider what to say and then, clearing her throat, she spoke.

“Alida?”

Silence answered her.

“My dear, it’s Dis; Kili’s mother, remember? I’m so sorry he scared you, dear.”

She continued.

“That dwarf who hurt you? He’s locked up tight, deep in the mountain and far from you. Kili went with Dwalin to see him, to…speak with him. That’s why Kili carries his scent. He was headed to the baths when he bumped into you.”

Dis heard shuffling from the other side of the door.

“Alida? My dear, we’re all very worried about you. Kili is beside himself. Please, let us help you.”

~~~~~

From inside the storage room, Alida wept. 

She was relieved the scent of her former master had retreated, but deeply shamed that she had carried on as she had. 

She should have been braver. It had been Kili standing before her after all; her eyes hadn’t lied to her. It was silly that a scent could terrify her so. 

But even as she tried to tell herself that, Alida trembled violently. She felt her hands go numb and her chest tightened so suddenly she choked for breath. Her mind raced with worry, conjuring images of her former master slipping from his cell and finding her in the mountain. She felt his hands tighten around her throat and his lips press against her ear, his voice whispering all the foul things he wanted to do to her.

Alida screamed and whipped the first thing she could grab at the door.

The clay pot shattered, sending fragments everywhere. Fallon yelped and retreated to the far corner of the room, his tail between his legs.

She could hear Dis’ concerned voice questioning her from the other side of the door but she paid it no mind. 

Her former master lurked in the shadows of the storage room. Everything she brushed up against was his hand; every creak of the floor was him getting one step closer to her.

Desperate to be beyond his grasp, Alida reached for a shard of jagged ceramic and, before she could second guess herself, pressed its edge into the tender flesh of her wrist. She dragged it up the inside of her arm, exhaling the breath she’d been holding only when she reached the bend of her elbow. 

From beyond the door, Alida heard heavy steps approach the door and a deep voice join Dis’.

“Ye open this door right now, girl,” Dwalin said slowly, “Ain’t nothing to be gained from lockin’ y’erself in there.”

Alida repeated the same action on her other arm, whimpering as blood covered her hands.

Dwalin’s voice boomed, “Alida! Girl, don’t ye dare!”

~~~~~

He threw himself against the door so hard the frame cracked and buckled. 

Dis tried to stop him.

“Mahal’s mercy, what’s come over you, Dwalin? You’re not helping the poor girl!”

Dwalin pushed her back.

“Blood,” he growled, “I smell blood.”


	11. At the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida is near death, Kili is broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****CHAPTER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
> 
> A/N: Here's another chapter, folks! Smaller, but look at me updating so promptly! ;P

It was quiet. The world around her had dimmed and there was peace where fear once stood. 

It was getting difficult to keep her eyes open. Her eyelids felt heavy and all she wanted to do was go to sleep. She felt herself slump to the ground, felt the warmth of her blood flowing down her arms, and she wasn’t scared.

Not anymore.

She knew Dwalin and Dis were screaming at her, pleading with her through the door, but she was too tired to be bothered. Even the high-pitched wail from Ori didn't stir her.

She wished they’d stop though. She wished they’d all just leave her alone. 

She wanted her mother. She wanted her brothers and that simple farm that had been her world. There was nowhere safe beyond that farm.

A weak sob escaped her lips.

She just wanted to go home.

Was that too much to ask?

Fallon licked her knuckles and she weakly lifted her fingers to graze his nose. 

She managed a small smile and rolled onto her back. Blood had now soaked through the fabric of her dress and stained her hair. The smell of blood was heavy in the air, but beyond it she caught the scent of something familiar and safe approaching.

Kili?

Confused, Alida used what little strength remained in her to turn to face the door. 

What was he doing?

She remembered the first time they’d met, when he’d helped her from the cage and promised her he would never hurt her. She remembered when she’d broken down in front of his uncle and brother and he’d held her. And when he’d kissed her forehead…

Tears welled in her eyes.

He’d tried, she knew he had. That meant more to her than she could ever express.

But it wasn’t safe in Erebor.

A lazy tear streaked down her cheek.

He’d understand.

He was better off anyway.

She heard him scream and squeezed her eyes shut.

Someday he’d see that.

~~~~~

Screaming, Kili pushed his mother and Dwalin aside and threw himself against the door with as much force as he could muster. He had smelt the blood from down the hall but now the stench was so strong he had to fight not to vomit. 

“Alida!”

He slammed into the door.

“Don’t you dare!”

Again he struck the door, this time sending a shooting pain across his shoulder. 

He ignored it.

“Alida! I beg of you!”

Growling, Kili struck the door and it finally gave way.

And the sight before him made bile rise in his throat.

Alida was lying on her back, her hands red with blood. She was so pale and so still he feared he was too late.

“Mahal…please no…”

He felt his knees go weak.

He choked on a sob, gasping her name as the wind was knocked from him.

Dis pushed past him and fell to her knees at Alida’s side. She tore a strip of fabric from the hem of her skirt and pressed it to Alida’s wrist. 

“Dwalin!”

He pushed past Kili and scooped Alida up into his arms.

“Clear the way, lad!”

They hurried down the corridor, Dwalin carrying Alida awkwardly as Dis and Bofur attempted to bind the wounds on her wrists. Ori sprinted ahead with Fallon in her arms, shouting for help; pleading for someone to summon Oin. 

The entire way Kili spoke to her. He begged her to open her eyes, to say something, but she remained silent. 

When they finally burst through the doors to Oin’s chambers and stirred the old dwarf from his mid-day nap, Kili thought they were too late. He felt his chest tighten as his heart was ripped from his chest.

_No….no…Mahal, no…_

Oin rolled up his sleeves and barked orders to them as he quickly fetched his supplies, demanding only those capable of helping remain.

Dis and Ori jumped to Oin’s aid and Bofur made to urge Kili from the room. 

It was enough to jar Kili from his stupor. 

A new desperation overcame him. The very thought of leaving her now felt wrong in every way. He needed to be with her.

“No!” He pushed against the dwarf, making for Alida.

Dwalin hooked him around his midsection and heaved him out of the room without as much as a grunt. Bofur quickly closed the doors behind them as Dwalin worked to hold Kili back and talk sense to him.

“We can’t help ‘er lad,” Dwalin said as he jerked Kili back from the door, “She’s with those that can!”

“No…no,” Kili growled under his breath, far beyond all rational thought, “I need to be there! I can’t leave her –

Bofur stepped in.

“Kili, you’re only going to hurt yourself, lad.”

Kili shook his head. Tears were now flowing freely down his cheeks. He felt like he was going to be sick and he took a deep breath in the hopes of settling the nauseating feeling that was washing over him.

Bofur looked beyond him to Dwalin.

“I’ll fetch Thorin; he’ll need to know what’s happened.”

Dwalin nodded, “Aye, I’ve got him.”

Kili made another attempt for the door, crying Alida’s name as he grasped for the handle.

Dwalin quickly pulled him back but Kili tripped in the process, falling to the ground. The pain in his shoulder flared, and he felt something pop and shift as the throbbing plateaued, and he let out a low wail as the weight of everything hit him.

Every fibre in his body demanded he protect Alida; and what had he done?

He’d failed as an alpha; he’d failed as a friend.

And now he was going to lose her.

Dwalin and Bofur looked at him with pity and pain etched on their faces. Never had they seen him so hurt.

Bofur shot a questioning look to Dwalin, unsure if it was wise to leave when the young dwarf was so distraught. 

Dwalin shook his head, “Thorin needs to know, go.”

Bofur hurried from the room without further protest and when the door closed behind him, Dwalin crouched down beside Kili, placing his hand on the young dwarf’s back.

“Kili…lad,” he said quietly, “She’s a strong, stubborn girl; more so than she knows. This will not be the end of ‘er.”

~~~~~

Kili wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Oin finally stepped into the small antechamber that had become a tense waiting room. Thorin and Fili had arrived not long after Bofur had left, the three of them having sprinted to the clinic the second Bofur had told them what had transpired. It had taken them longer to get it out of Kili.

Oin wiped his hands on a soiled rag and sighed, “She lives.”

An audible sigh of relief filled the small room.

“Mahal’s mercy, Oin,” Thorin said with a smile, “You are a blessing, my friend!”

“It was touch and go,” Oin said heavily, “A moment later and the poor lass might not have made it.”

“Is she awake?” Fili asked, squeezing Kili’s shoulder.

Oin shook his head, “Won’t be for some time, I suspect. I’ll not rest easy until she wakes, either. Nothing is for certain till then.” He looked to Kili, “Ye can go in lad, y’er mother is with her now.”

Kili said nothing but stood quickly and brushed past Oin to do just that. As Thorin, Fili, and Bofur spoke amongst themselves, discussing what had happened, Dwalin approached Oin.

“Oin,” he said stiffly and quietly so no one else would hear, “Lady Ori….”

Oin gave a small, knowing smile.

“The lass is resting in a separate room. Could hardly stand after we had Alida stabile, she was so worn,” Oin fiddled with his trumpet, “Brave one, that Ori.”

Dwalin grumbled under his breath, “Brave, indeed.”


	12. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili stands vigil, Alida wakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have another chapter, dear readers :)  
> Your kudos and lovely, encouraging comments have spurred me onward and I cannot that you all enough! I hope you enjoy! We're getting to some really juicy stuff, guys ;) and I for one cannot wait to write it!
> 
> \- Ixi

At first glance she looked so peaceful. Her golden hair fanned out around her on the pillow in a halo, her pale skin looking like porcelain and her full lips a rosy red. She looked as though she belonged in a scene in one of the paintings he had seen in the marketplace in Dale, a beauty from another world only the imagination could conjure. 

It was only upon closer inspection that the truth was revealed. 

Her chest rose and fell slowly and the bandages wrapped tightly around her wrists were tinged red. She looked exhausted, as if she’d never had a restful night’s sleep in her life. Any weight she had put on since coming to Erebor had vanished and she appeared small and vulnerable.

Kili had to resist the urge to reach out and pull her into his arms. He knew doing so would hurt her and yet touching her seemed the only way to assure himself she was of the living.

Dis watched Kili from her rocking chair at the foot of Alida’s bed. Though Alida was by no means out of danger; her immediate concern shifted to her son. She could feel the hurt radiating off of him and her heart ached.

When she realized his feelings for the traumatized omega went beyond that of friendship, Dis was overjoyed. It was her deepest wish that her sons find happiness with mates of their own; that they start families and give her grandchildren. Alida was more complicated than the average omega, her wounds ran deep. Dis’ only wish was that she had realized just how deep they ran before anyone had been hurt.

“Mother,” Kili began in a shaky voice, his gaze downcast, “when will she wake up?”

She reached out and squeezed his hand, “When she’s ready to, my dear. Oin gave her a tonic to keep her in a deep sleep. She went through an ordeal, she needs her rest.”

“Why…why did she do this?”

“Kili –

“Why?” Kili’s voice cracked, “I’d sooner die that hurt her!”

“I know that, love,” Dis’ chin trembled as she fought to contain her emotions and maintain a strong front for her son, “But when she saw you…it was him she smelled. It obviously brought back a lot of painful memories.”

He clenched her hand tight and Dis ran her thumb over the back of his hand, trailing lightly over his cracked knuckles.

Kili sniffled, “She’ll not want to be near me at all after this…I’ve lost her, mother.”

“No,” she said quickly and sternly, leaving no room for debate, “so long as life remains in her there is a chance to make this right, my dear. She was scared, but not of you. And you’ve the chance to help her through this.”

“How?” Kili’s chin quivered, “I…I can’t lose her, mother. I _promised_ her she’d be safe, I _promised_ and I failed her.”

“Kili, you didn’t –

“She wanted to die,” he said through clenched teeth, tears streaming down his cheeks, “How much more evidence of my failure do you need?”

He tugged his hand from hers and roughly wiped away the tears from his cheeks.

“How could I have been so foolish as to have allowed his scent upon me? Dwalin knew I shouldn’t have been there but I was too stubborn, too proud to listen,” he spun on his heels and punched the wall, causing his already battered knuckles to split open once again.

Dis stood and quickly grabbed a clean bandage to press to his hand.

“Kili, stop this now!” Dis admonished, “Your poor hands – 

“It doesn’t matter,” Kili muttered.

“Yes, it does!” Dis insisted, “Alida wouldn’t want you to behave like this!”

“Alida?” Kili gasped in a voice wracked with pain, “She wouldn’t care! How could she? I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing, mother. I don’t know how to help her; so far I’ve only made things worse!”

Unsure of what to say, Dis pulled Kili into an embrace. The heartbroken alpha resisted at first, then clung to her and wept.

~~~~~

It was quiet, and Alida thought at first that she had passed into the halls of Mahal. Relief became uncertainty however as she rolled over and opened her eyes to find herself in a room she did not recognize. 

There was a fire burning in the hearth nearby and heavy blankets had been pulled up around her, cradling her. It was clear that she was still in Erebor and in one of the richer parts of the mountain if the elaborate detail in the woodwork of her bed was any indication.

She slowly sat up, wincing as pain flared across her tightly bandaged wrists. She had been redressed and was wearing nothing but a thin cotton nightgown. Feeling exposed, Alida pulled one of the blankets up as she scanned the room.

Fallon was sleeping soundly at her feet, nestled amongst the many furs that had been tucked around her. But the pup was not the only one in the room with her. Not far from her bed, slouched in a chair and fast asleep, was Kili. 

His hair was dishevelled and Alida could see a tangle or two, even in the dim light. Though he was asleep, he looked pained; as if his mind was racing even in dream. 

The sight of him made her uneasy at first. The stinging pain in her wrists was proof enough that what had transpired hadn’t been a dream and she knew he had to be furious with her. Still, she couldn’t help but give a small smile. He smelt as he should. He felt as he should. Safe, warm, caring, strong…it was as if all was as it should be.

And yet it wasn’t.

Biting her lip, Alida slowly cast back the blankets and made to slide from the bed. She had to get away, far away; beyond that she didn’t care what happened. She just couldn’t stand the idea of seeing disgust in his eyes and hearing anger in his voice.

She had to leave before it was all taken from her.

Just as her toes touched the ground, Fallon stirred from his slumber and stumbled towards her, barking in delight at the sight of her awake.

It was enough to jerk Kili from his slumber.

He instinctively reached for a dagger tucked in his belt.

Alida jumped and slipped back under the blankets, pulling them up to cover herself. His gaze fell upon her immediately and he hurried to calm her while clumsily attempting to conceal the weapon.

“Alida, it’s all right,” he cast the dagger down on the chair before taking a step closer to her, “you’re in one of the bedrooms in my mother’s chambers. We brought you here to rest and heal.”

As he drew closer, Alida saw that his eyes were red and puffy, as if he had been crying. His clothes were a mess, his tunic askew and exposing a sliver of his chest where the laces at the neckline had loosened. When he was only steps from the bed, Alida saw disbelief in his eyes; felt an energy coming from him she could not place.

It startled her, but it did not scare her.

She watched him carefully as he approached, wracking her mind for what exactly it was she felt coming from him.

He sat down on the bed next to her and tentatively reached out, offering her his hand instead of blindly pulling her into his arms like he so desperately wanted to.

Alida looked at his extended hand, then back at him before cautiously placing her hand in his. 

Kili let out a shaky breath, one he had been holding for some time.

“You’re alive,” he whispered more to himself than her, “Thank Mahal…”

He slowly brought her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss to her knuckles, going slow as to savor the warmth of her.

His fingers grazed the edge of the bandage at her wrist and he visibly winced.

“Does it hurt?” He asked when the tightness in his chest had lessened.

Alida shrugged.

“I…I owe you an explanation,” Kili said, reluctantly letting go of her hand.

He gave a heavy sigh, running his fingers through his tangled hair as he wrestled with what to say.

Alida lowered her gaze and adjusted the blanket she was holding against herself so it was tucked under her chin.

“You owe me nothing,” she said quietly.

Kili shook his head, “You’re wrong.”

She said nothing, so Kili pushed on.

“I went to the dungeons with Dwalin,” he began, “I assisted him in…questioning the leader of the slave caravan we freed you from. I needed to see him with my own eyes, to hear for myself his confession. The slaver he…spoke of you. He told us what he did to you…what he wanted to do to you.”

Alida looked at him with wide, panicked eyes.

“I’m not dirty!” Alida insisted, reaching out to grasp his hand, “You don’t need to get rid of me!”

“Alida –

“He didn’t have me,” Alida said, her eyes gleaming with tears, “I swear I’m untouched! I’m yours! I’m –

Kili shushed her. He squeezed her hand, tears brimming in his eyes. It pained him beyond words that she thought so little of herself, that she believed that was her only worth.

“You belong to no one, gimlíth.”

Startled by the raw emotion in his voice, Alida calmed some. 

Gimlíth. He’d called her gimlíth. 

Kili managed a quick smirk, “And I told you before – I’m never going to send you away.”

Alida looked down at their hands. It was then she noticed the dried blood on his knuckles.

“You hit him…”

Kili swallowed hard, “I wanted to kill him, still do. That slaver…he deserves to die for what he did to those omegas…for what he did to you…and I would have killed him had Dwalin not pulled me off of him,” he visibly tensed, “He…he said he wanted you.”

Alida felt her breath catch in her throat.

“And when I heard that I…lost it,” Kili laced his fingers with Alida’s, savoring that small contact and focusing on it while he spoke, “If he had…if he had forced himself upon you Dwalin would not have been able to hold me back. I’d have killed him with my bare hands.”

He reached out and gently touched Alida’s chin, urging her to look at him.

“No one would have been able to hold me back, Alida, not even Mahal himself.”

Much to her surprise, she saw tears trailing down his cheeks. 

“Mahal, I wish you believed me,” Kili muttered as he hurried to wipe the tears from his cheeks, “You…you can’t think I’m like him, Alida. Do…do you really think I’m going to hurt you? That I’d…that I would….”

Kili couldn’t even bring himself to speak the words, the idea was so unsettling.

Taking a deep breath and mustering what little courage she had, Alida spoke.

“Yes…at first. I know now you’re not like that. I believe you’re honest and kind-hearted. You wouldn’t hurt me. But I’m still afraid…”

“Of what?” Kili asked in a pained voice, “Tell me so that I might help you!”

Alida trembled with the weight of what she was about to say. Her chin quivered but she pushed on; something deep down telling her she needed to.

“I’m afraid this isn’t real. That I’ll wake up in that cage and that Ori, Fallon, Lady Dis…you…will have just been a dream,” she rubbed the tears from her eyes, “I’m afraid my old master will break out of his bonds and find me.”

“He would have to get through me first,” Kili said sternly, a low growl resounding in his voice.

Alida shook her head, “It wasn’t right…”

“What wasn’t?”

“His scent,” Alida whispered, “on you. It wasn’t right. Please…please don’t go to him again!”

Though she spoke softly, her words rocked him to the core. He merely stared at her, mouth agape and without a clue as to what to say.

She continued.

“You’re safe and warm and…and smelling him on you…it hurt. I felt sick. Please don’t go to him again!”

Kili, having finally found his voice, spoke.

“I won’t. I promise, Alida,” he reached out and gently grabbed her wrist, turning it over to reveal more of the bandage that wound up her forearm, “I need you to promise me you will never do this again, gimlíth. If you are upset or scared I want you to come to me.”

Sniffling, Alida nodded.

She lightly ran her fingers over his bloodied knuckles.

“Alida?”

“Hmm?”

“I’d like to hold you,” Kili said softly, “would that be all right?”

Alida blushed and shifted slightly on the bed, but nodded.

“You’re sure? I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just…I thought I lost you.”

Though tear streaks gleamed on her pale cheeks, she gave a quick smile and leaned forward without saying a word to embrace him. It was something she needed too, the reassurance the simple gesture of an embrace could bring.

Taken completely off guard, it took Kili a moment to register what had happened before he reciprocated. But when he did, he felt all fear leave him with the fluttering of his heart. 

The blanket she had been clutching had fallen as she’d moved, leaving only the wool of his tunic and the thin cotton of her nightgown between them. The feeling of the warmth of her skin, even with fabric between them, stirred something in him. He could feel the weight of her breasts against his chest and realized she wasn’t wearing a breast-band. He rubbed her back soothingly, fighting the urge to run his fingers through her hair and breathe her scent in deep.

Desperate not to scare her, he stomped down the flickering embers of desire that had threatened to ignite and instead relished the tickle of her breath against his shoulder and the small sigh that left her as she relaxed against him.

She was alive.

Perfect and warm and mercifully alive!

Kili held her tighter as that truth repeated itself again and again in his mind.

“I was so scared, Alida,” he confessed, “When I saw you lying there so pale….and there was so much blood…”

He felt her grasp on him tighten.

“I’m sorry I put you through that,” she said in a voice so soft it immediately soothed him.

“And I’m sorry I scared you, that was the last thing I wanted,” Kili took a deep breath, “It hurt…I felt your fear, Alida.”

“Felt it?”

Kili nodded into the crook of her neck, “As clear as day, as if it were my own.”

Alida didn’t know how to process what he was saying. The hurt in his voice, the tears on his cheeks…he was speaking the truth. 

She felt faint and slumped against him, suddenly finding it very difficult to so much as keep her eyes open. 

“Alida?” Kili gasped, easing her back down onto the bed.

She was practically limp in his arms.

“Hmm,” she hummed, looking at him through half-lidded eyes, “’m tired…”

“You lost a lot of blood,” Kili glanced over his shoulder, eyeing the door, “I need to fetch Oin –

“Stay…” She insisted, her voice soft but unwavering.

Kili smiled fondly. He adjusted her so that she was more comfortable, slipping a pillow under her head and pulling a quilt over her small frame.

“I need to fetch Oin, gimlíth, but I can stay with you while he checks you over, if you’d like me to.”

Alida nodded as she nestled into the blankets, weakly squeezing Kili’s hand as she drifted off.


	13. Certainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida testifies, Kili tries to keep himself occupied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay, readers! I'm working full time now and have been having a rough time in general lately. Somehow I forced myself to write and get another chapter presentable for you all *hallelujah*  
> Enjoy! Comments are VERY much appreciated, folks!

Alida fidgeted in her seat, alternating between playing with the lace on her sleeves and rubbing the bandages on her wrists. The calm, even energy Thorin gave off was helping ease the tension in the room, but the fluttering of her nerves was a powerful thing and she couldn’t help but feel like she should flee the room.

Sensing her nerves, Dis reached out and squeezed her hand, offering her an encouraging smile.

“It’s going to be all right dear,” she assured her, “we’ll get this testimony business over with then go and see Kili.”

Alida nodded, taking a deep breath to prepare herself for what was to come. 

Thorin sat ready to hear her testimony and Balin sat nearby, quill at the ready.

She had wanted Kili to be present, but Dis had advised against it. Kili was still young, she’d explained, and unaware of how to calm his energy when his passions flared. Thorin had agreed and the young alpha had been sent elsewhere with the promise to be fetched the moment the meeting was over.

“I’m sorry this is needed, my lady,” Thorin began, looking to Balin to proceed.

“You can begin when you’re ready, my dear,” Balin said gently, dipping his quill in ink, “Take your time.”

Alida sighed. She didn’t want to speak about it, she wanted to find Kili. He’d get her to a safe place and she could forget about all she’d lost, shrug it off as if it had all been a horrible dream.

But there was no getting out of it, she knew. The only way her old master would pay was if she spoke.

So she did.

“They came out of nowhere. I didn’t see them at first; I only heard the screams of those they killed as they entered our village,” she said quietly, gazing off as she slipped back into the worst day of her life, “My mother was the first of my family to die. She was working the fields near our home. I saw them strike her down.”

Alida blinked back tears.

“My brothers were next. Ketain,” her voice caught the moment she spoke his name and she took a moment to compose herself before continuing, “Ketain when they sacked the smithy…and Nalain as he ran to my aid…”

She fell silent, the only sound in the room being the scrawl of Balin’s quill across the parchment.

Dis held her hand tightly.

“In the caravan…they had us living in filth. We were hardly fed and received little water. Every night they beat one of us…one night they….they claimed one girl in front of us all, to show us all what would be expected of us when we were given to our new masters.”

Thorin hung his head and muttered a curse under his breath.

“They made you watch as they violated her?” He asked, fury bubbling up in him that he quickly squashed for fear of upsetting her.

She nodded, “Yes.”

“Mahal’s mercy…” Dis gasped, her hold on Alida’s hand tightening.

Alida’s gaze continued to be distant. She wasn’t looking at anyone in the room; instead she was focused on the hearth beyond Thorin. When the pain in her chest flared, she thought of Kili and it eased, allowing her to draw breath and continue.

“Omegas died along the road. The girl they…claimed…she died a week after they first used her.”

“They killed her?”

Alida slowly shook her head, “She made a noose from the fabric of her dress…she freed herself.”

“How did you survive?” Thorin asked after the weight of her words had sunk in.

Alida merely shrugged.

“I honestly have no idea, your majesty.”

“You’re strong, my lady, there is no denying that,” he shot a quick glance at Balin before continuing, “The dwarf we captured, tell us of him.”

“He taught us what we were.”

“And what is that?”

“Filth,” Alida spat, “Weak and worthless, good for nothing but bearing dwarflings. He liked beating us, and he laughed as he took that poor girl.”

Tears were now cascading down her cheeks, though she paid them no mind.

“So many times I thought he would kill me…”

Now trembling, she lapsed into a silence she felt no desire to pull herself from.

Dis rubbed her back.

“This is enough, Thorin.”

He nodded, not willing to push the traumatized girl any further. 

He’d heard enough to seal the slaver’s fate. 

“You may go, my lady,” he stood and gave bowed, “and thank you for your time, know that I will see to it that justice is served and the loss of your family avenged.”

Dis quickly escorted Alida from the room, rubbing her back as they went.

She only spoke when the door closed and they were alone in the hallway.

“You were so brave, my dear, you did so well,” she said in a soothing voice only a mother was capable of, “let me get you back to the den –

“No,” Alida said quickly, stopping in her tracks, “I want to see him…please?”

Dis knew of whom she spoke and smiled, “Of course, Alida, come.”

~~~~~  
Kili winced and recoiled as the flat of Fili’s blade smacked his shoulder.

“You’re not in top form today, brother,” Fili said with a smirk, circling him for another attack.

When he urged Kili to keep himself occupied while Alida was with Thorin, he thought sparing would be enough to distract him. It wasn’t working clearly, as Kili was fighting as though he’d only just clutched a sword.

“Dwalin would be ashamed!” He teased, laughing as Kili pouted.

They continued their dance; Kili dodging while Fili pressed his assault.

Eventually, Fili caught a glimpse of a familiar face in the stands of the training arena and smiled.

“It seems you’ve got an admirer, brother,” Fili grinned, “despite your poor display!”

Kili turned and saw their mother sitting beside Alida in the stands. Dis was smiling proudly, Alida looked solemn but her gazed was fixed upon him intently.

He smiled, unable to contain his relief upon seeing her.

Fili laughed, “Oh no, you’ve got it bad, brother!”

Kili spun, swinging his sword in a wide arch which Fili easily blocked.

“Sloppy, brother,” Fili chided, “remember what Dwalin taught us!”

Kili pressed onward, growling with each swing. His blade struck Fili’s just right, knocking him off guard. Kili lunged forward, hitting Fili with his shoulder and sending him tumbling forward.

Fili caught himself easily enough, rolling away from his brother before springing to his feet, blade raised to renew his attack.

“Clever, brother!”

“Do you ever shut up?” Kili said with a grunt as their swords connected again.

Fili smirked, “Not when you make teasing you this easy!”

They continued until exhaustion urged them to pause. 

Sweat dripped from Kili’s brow. His body ached and he knew there would be more than a few bruises to show come morning for his poor attempts against his brother, but all it took was a single glance up into the stands for the bitter sting of his defeat to be eased.

“Tomorrow?”

“Hmm?” Kili turned to his brother.

“I said rematch tomorrow?” Fili said, punching Kili playfully in the shoulder.

Kili saw his mother and Dis approaching and smiled.

“I’d never miss it.”

Dis was first to reach them and she quickly moved to place a kiss on Kili’s cheek before moving on to Fili.

Just as he was about to tease his brother, who was whining and attempting to dodge his mother’s kiss, Alida scurried over to him and grabbed his hand.

Startled, it wasn’t until she had nuzzled into him that he found his voice.

“Gimlíth?”

Fili and Dis immediately turned to him, though Kili hardly registered their shocked looks or the knowing smile they shared between each other.

“Are you all right?” He asked softly, trying to meet her downcast gaze.

But Alida kept her eyes fixed on the ground.

“I want to go somewhere safe…” She whispered, cheek pressed to Kili’s shoulder.

Kili looked to Dis, who nodded.

Kili smiled and mouthed ‘thank you’ before turning his attention back to the omega clutching him.

He squeezed her hand, “Come.”

~~~~~

They walked down the corridor hand-in-hand. Alida didn’t even care where they went; she was simply elated to be near him again.

“You were very brave,” he said with a gentle smile, “speaking to Thorin of the horrors you’ve endured.”

Alida said nothing but moved closer to him, holding onto his arm with no care that he was covered in sweat and grime from sparring.

“And I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you…”

“Lady Dis was very kind; she said I did well.”

“I’ve no doubt of that, Alida. Was my uncle patient with you?”

She nodded, “He was quiet as I spoke. He…he apologized. He said he would see justice done.”

“He will, of that I am certain.”

Kili stopped at the door to his chambers.

“I’ve got to change, I must smell foul.”

Alida smiled. It was true, Kili did smell as though he’d spent the better part of the day sparing, but she did not find it off-putting. 

“I do not think so.”

Kili snorted as he unlocked the door to his chambers and held it open, allowing Alida to enter first.

“Perhaps Oin should re-examine you.”

“Huh?”

Kili smirked and lightly flicked her nose, “Your sense of smell is off, gimlíth.”

Alida blushed, “I assure you, prince, I’ve received a clean bill of health.”

Kili shot her a feigned look of doubt before smiling brightly.

_Oh, Mahal, did she ever love that smile…_

“You can wait here, Alida, I’ll just be in my room,” he made to enter his sleeping quarters and paused, “I’ll leave the door cracked, all right? So we can still talk.”

Alida nodded and he disappeared into his room.

For a moment, she could only hear him scurrying about his room. She heard something topple over and Kili curse and gave a light laugh.

“Hearing you laugh is well worth the sore toe, I suppose,” Kili quipped as he hurried about.

“Perhaps you should refrain from kicking your furniture, prince?” she offered, a smile on her lips.

Kili laughed and she felt her own smile grow.

After a few moments of silence, Alida spoke again.

“Did you have a good morning?”

“I did,” Kili said as he tugged on a clean tunic and began his hunt for a belt, “I was worried about you, but Fili said I should keep busy.”

She nervously bit the inside of her lip, her cheeks warm with her blush.

“You…were impressive, your highness.”

“That is kind of you to say, but Fili was going easy on me.” 

Kili emerged from his room wearing a crisp, clean tunic and trousers. He was wiping his neck with a damp cloth, which he tossed aside without a care as to where it landed. His hair was a mess, his braids in tangles, which he tried to tame with his fingers.

“Guess he didn’t want me to make an arse of myself in front of you.” Kili said with a wink.

Her cheeks now a flaming red, Alida looked away from him quickly.

“I suppose embarrassing myself in front of a beautiful woman isn’t so bad if it earns me even one of her smiles,” he took a step closer to her and affectionately grazed her chin with the tips of his fingers, “you’re blushing.”

The heat of his gaze was foreign to her and she shifted on her feet, unsure what to do with herself or the feelings rushing through her.

“I am…unaccustomed to flattery, your highness.”

Kili withdrew his hand, sensing her unease, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

He stepped back, running his hands through his hair as he sighed.

Again he apologized.

“You’ve had a horrible day and here I am flirting with you,” he muttered with a frown, “or making a sad attempt to…”

Alida made to speak but Kili interrupted her.

“I should have been there with you.”

His eyes, so intense and fiery not a moment before were now dark and sad. He felt ashamed, she realized, and immediately she felt compelled to allay his fears. He had done so much for her, believed in her when she was in the darkest of places and been nothing but kind to her since they first met.

“You were.”

Kili looked uncertain.

“You’ve been kind to me, more so than I deserve,” she shrugged, “my old master told me I’d need a patient master but you’ve…been as a friend to me. I wouldn’t have had the strength to testify in front of the King without your kindness. And I’d be dead now if I had not crossed your path, of that I am certain.”

Kili simple stared at her, so startled by the weight of her words that he could scarcely find his own.

“Did I speak out of turn, prince?” Alida asked when Kili made no move to speak.

Kili slowly shook his head, “Mahal, no.”

“Then…what is it?”

Kili couldn’t put it into words. She wasn’t ‘fixed’ but the omega that stood before him was strong, a mere shadow of the terrified girl he found cowering at the back of a cage. And after all she’d been through, all the misery she had endured…she considered him friend.

Unsure what to say, Kili stepped forward and embraced her. 

She jumped slightly at the contact but made no attempt to move and instead leaned into him. Slowly she nestled her cheek on his shoulder and brought her arms up around his waist. When she did he held her tighter and she pressed her face into his neck, savoring the security and warmth he provided.

Alida let out a ragged sigh.

She never thought she’d feel safe with an alpha again, but here she was in the arms of one and not looking for the nearest exit.

When she felt him kiss the top of her head, she nearly choked on a sob.

Master, friend…whatever he was she didn’t want to leave him; nor did she want the moment to end.

“What do you want to do?” Kili asked, his lips not far from her ear, “I’m yours the rest of the day. We could visit the marketplace, or perhaps you’d like to see the library or the smithy?”

She sighed, her breath tickling Kili’s neck.

“Can we stay here?” she asked in a whisper-soft voice, her fingers digging into the fabric of his tunic.

She didn’t want to leave him. Since speaking to Thorin she felt as though some weight had been lifted from her shoulders. However in its place was a bizarre feeling that she was exposed, vulnerable. The vast expanse of Erebor was too dangerous. 

Safety was only where he was.

Kili’s breath caught in his throat, “That…might not be proper, Alida.”

Alida gave a heartbroken, low whine.

“I…of course, prince. I forget myself.”

Alida made to pull away completely from him but Kili stopped her, gently taking hold of her hand and urging her back into his arms.

“Stop, that isn’t what I meant,” Kili whispered as he hugged her, “you’re a lady, and an unmated omega. It would be improper of me to –

“We’ve been alone before,” she pointed out, “we’re alone now.”

“And if Thorin knew he’d have my head,” Kili said with a groan.

“I won’t tell, promise.”

Kili laughed, “I don’t know how I feel about you having to keep a secret to keep me out of trouble.”

Alida, sensing she wasn’t going to win and not wanting to appear as desperate as she felt, relented and pulled back. 

“Alida?”

She forced herself to smile, hoping it enough to reassure him.

“It’s all right,” she adjusted her sleeves, making sure her bandages were covered, “would it be all right if I returned to the den now?”

Kili looked hurt.

“Alida…”

Panic and embarrassment sent her heart beating wildly and she quickly made for the door.

“I’d like to see Ori and Fallon now.”

“Stay,” he blurted, deafening the cautious voice inside of him that urged patience and obedience. 

If Thorin found out then damn him and the consequences– Kili wasn’t strong enough to deny Alida anything and he was too selfish to let her go.

She turned and looked at him, her chin trembling ever so slightly, “You don’t want me to…”

Mahal, the look in her eyes…

“I do,” Kili said softly.

He slowly approached her, reaching out to take her hand and guide her back closer to him. She didn’t resist his pull but looked at him intently, confused as to what he was doing.

He pressed his forehead to hers and sighed, “Tell me what you need, gimlíth.”

Alida bit her trembling lip. She could feel his sincerity and something else she couldn’t quite place. It felt as though she was being wrapped in a warm blanket and she felt herself sinking into its embrace, trusting it.

“I need to be where it’s safe,” she whispered, “don’t send me away.”

“Never,” Kili said without hesitation, “Come, you’ve had an awful day, and you need to rest.”

~~~~~

As Alida slept soundly in his bed, Kili sat in his chair near the hearth keeping a watchful eye on her.

She’d fallen asleep the moment her head had hit the pillow and she’d hardly stirred since, the only movement from her being the steady rise and fall of her chest.

He wondered how long it had been since she’d slept so soundly…

A soft snore came from the omega and Kili smiled, managing somehow to stifle the laughter that threatened to rise in him.

Alida shuffled slightly under the mound of blankets she’d swaddled herself in and again there was silence.

Kili sighed.

Thorin would undoubtedly know by the time the sun rose that Kili had been alone with Alida, that she’d spent the night in his chambers. It wouldn’t matter that nothing improper had happened between them, Thorin’s anger wasn’t a force to be contained when ignited.

But Kili had no intention of avoiding it.

Come morning he would seek Thorin out and confess. He didn’t know what would come of it but his mind was made.

He looked to Alida, whose golden hair was fanned out in a halo around her.

_Mahal’s breath_ , he thought as his heart pounded wildly, _I love her._


	14. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili speaks to Thorin and lays his heart bare to Alida.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You, dear readers, rock!  
> Seriously, THANK YOU for your patience and continued interest in this story! Your comments are very much appreciated!  
> I hope you enjoy this latest chapter! :)

“It’s been decided then?” Dis asked as she reached for her tea.

Thorin gave a nod, “I have the decree prepared. Balin will see that it is carried out. The prisoner will be shorn of braid and beard and executed two days hence.”

“Good,” Dis said with great relief, “I for one am tired of him breathing the same air as me, brother. It’s long overdue.”

“Proper course needed to be followed, Dis.” Thorin said with a heavy sigh.

“There was never any doubt of his guilt –

“Durin’s beard, no,” Thorin interjected, “The dwarf is guilty but before I passed the sentence I had to be sure we’d gotten what information from him we could.”

“And did we?”

He nodded, “I’ve already spoken to Dwalin, he is to go with Nori to the Iron Hills and see where they can get with identifying this ‘Peddler’. Dain has already sworn to aid them however possible.”

“Good,” Dis frowned, “If we can prevent another from enduring what Alida has, it will be a blessing.”

Thorin shifted in his seat. It was concerning the omega that he had called his sister to him so early in the day but now that the subject had been broached, he knew not where to begin.

Dis eyed him suspiciously.

“What is it?” She demanded in a knowing voice.

“I had wanted to discuss with you what to do with the girl now,” Thorin began, “sending her back to her family clearly isn’t an option, yet I would see her cared for.”

She knew her brother well enough to know he was holding something back and as far as Thorin was concerned that was troubling. 

There was little that gave him reason to pause.

“Speak plainly, brother,” Dis cautioned, “you clearly have something of an idea else you wouldn’t have said anything.”

Dis placed her tea down on the table between them. She knew her tone was overly harsh but she also knew how her son felt for the omega. And when it came to him and his happiness she would do anything.

Thorin gave a heavy sigh, “I know what you’d have me do, but Kili is far too young to bear the burden of caring for an omega, let alone one as troubled as she.”

“You speak of her as if she were a pet,” Dis said sternly, glaring unwaveringly at her brother, “Kili’s not a child anymore, Thorin.”

“Of that I am aware,” Thorin said as calmly as he could muster, “but he’s a prince of Durin, sister. I’ll not have him mated to a commoner, no matter how fond of her he is. My nephew deserves far better.”

Dis shook her head in disbelief.

“I’ve always known you were stubborn, Thorin but I never thought you were cruel,” her voice was sad and quiet, “not until now.” 

Unyielding, Thorin dug in his heels and leaned forward in his seat, intent on making Dis see the truth of the matter. 

“I’ve been lenient, Dis. But after the slaver’s is executed, I expect Kili to return to his duties. The omega will be cared for and more suitable options for mates will be placed before her.”

Dis clenched her fists as anger rose in her faster than she could control it. 

“More suitable…” she snorted, “what ‘suitable’ mates would you have the poor girl choose from?”

“I’ve discussed this only briefly with Balin but we have some options better suited to her station. Bhearn has a young son, and then there is always Gimli –

Dis stood quickly, upending the table and sending their tea crashing to the ground.

“Gimli!” Dis spat, “You would see her mated to his cousin? Do you seek only to hurt him or is crushing his heart entirely your goal?”

Thorin stood and followed his sister as she began pacing about the room, “I seek only to protect the lad, Dis! I love him as though he were my own, don’t you dare think otherwise!”

Dis spun on her heel to face him, his words serving only to fuel her anger.

“Love? How can tearing him away from her be out of love?”

“He deserves better – 

“Who are you to decide she isn’t good enough,” Dis said sharply.

“The King,” Thorin said sternly, leaving no room for her to protest further, “and I’ll not see my nephew bonded to a pauper’s daughter!”

Silence fell between the two.

Dis watched him for any sign he was wavering, but saw none. She thought of Kili and her heart ached.

“Then you should be the one to tell him, brother,” she said with surprising calm, “you tell him and when he walks out of your life entirely don’t you dare come to me.”

~~~~~

After seeing that Alida was escorted back to the den, Kili made for Thorin’s chambers. It was early still and while much of the mountain was surely still sleeping, he was certain Thorin was not. As Kili approached the door to Thorin’s study, he caught a glimpse of his mother leaving down the corridor and briefly wondered where she was going so quickly before refocusing on his goal.

He took a deep breath, whispered a prayer to Mahal, and knocked on his uncle’s door.

“What!” 

Thorin’s voice boomed, startling Kili.

“U-Uncle?”

There was silence and then the door opened.

Thorin looked surprised to see him, “Kili?”

“I know it’s early, but I was hoping you had a moment, uncle.” Kili said as confidently as he could, hoping Thorin could tell he wasn’t going to take ‘no’ as an answer.

“Of course, come in.”

Upon entering the study, Kili immediately noticed a table overturned and what looked like fine pottery shattered and strewn across the ground.

Thorin saw what had caught his attention and sighed, “Your mother is a force to be reckoned with when angered…”

Kili laughed, “That she is! Whatever did you do to anger her so early in the day, uncle? It’s a feat Fili and I haven’t even reached!”

Thorin sighed and sank into the chair at his desk, flipping through the various sheets of parchment scattered across it. 

“I spoke the truth and she took offence,” he shrugged, “it’s no matter, she’ll come around. What was it you wanted to discuss?”

Kili stood in front of Thorin’s desk and watched him intently.

“Alida, uncle.”

Thorin stopped what he was doing and looked to Kili.

“I was going to tell you later, but I’ve issued the decree – the slaver will be executed two days hence. You can tell her she can soon rest easy.”

“She’ll be relieved to hear it, uncle. But the slaver isn’t what I wanted to discuss.”

“Oh?” Thorin’s brow arched as he regarded his nephew curiously.

“I come seeking your blessing uncle; I intend to court her and would like to present her with my token soon.”

There was a silence that Kili was surprised to find was awkward. He shifted a little on his feet, waiting anxiously for his uncle to speak.

“No.”

Thorin’s voice was so quiet Kili thought perhaps he’d heard wrong.

“Uncle?”

“No, Kili, you do not have my blessing.”

Thorin’s words shattered Kili’s composure and his heart fluttered in panic as he felt all confidence leave him.

“I-I don’t understand,” he struggled to find the words, “When she went into the den you said I could visit her, said I could learn from the betas what I could to help her…why, why say no now?”

“Your urge to protect her was heightened because of the horror you found her in, Kili,” Thorin began calmly, intent on educating the young alpha; “It was a natural reaction for an alpha faced with a vulnerable omega. But that’s all it is. I’ll not see you bind yourself to an omega of common birth because you cannot control your base alpha urges.”

Kili felt himself start to shake, “My base urges…”

“Your base urges and her desire to cling to the one who saved her”, Thorin explained in a very matter-of-fact tone, “that is all this is, Kili. It might not make sense to you now, but I am saving you further heartbreak.”

Kili felt like he was going to be sick. Each word that left Thorin’s lips felt like a physical blow and he had to fight the urge to fall to his knees. There was a pressure in his chest he swore was Thorin reaching in to rip out his very heart.

“I…you’re wrong, uncle. H-How can you say that!” He asked, utterly flabbergasted by what he was hearing.

Thorin rose from his seat and approached Kili, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Give it time and you’ll see I’m right, Kili. She’ll be cared for, but you both need to find mates fitting your respective births.”

Thorin’s words disgusted Kili and he roughly brushed Thorin’s hand off his shoulder, eager to put more distance between them.

“Kili – 

“Who?” he snapped, not caring it was his king he was interrupting, “Who? You clearly have an idea of who I should be with, uncle, so tell me.”

“In truth we’ve yet to find a suitable mate for you, Fili is the one who needs to find a mate quickly. But Balin and I have several in mind for Alida.”

Kili could barely stifle the growl that resounded from deep in his chest. The very idea of Alida mated to someone else hurt at a profoundly deep level. 

“You can’t pawn her off on another alpha, uncle! She’s not a good to be traded!”

“I only think of her welfare,” Thorin said sternly, “She is of common birth. Gimli is a far better match than she would have gotten in her village and Bhearn’s boy–

“Gimli!” Kili practically shouted, “My own cousin!”

Thorin’s expression, if possible, soured further.

“Yes. And you’ll watch your tone with me, nephew, I am still your king.”

Kili was on the verge of tears but he could hardly care less. He felt as though the air had been knocked from him and everything was falling to pieces around him. 

“Thorin…uncle…please don’t do this…” he pleaded weakly, his hopes lying shattered on the floor amongst the tiny pieces of broken pottery.

Thorin sighed, “I’m not forcing her, Kili; no one can.”

“You’re only forbidding her from being with me,” Kili scoffed.

“It’s for your own good, Kili.”

Kili couldn’t look at him. He gazed upwards, trying to will his tears away. 

“Last night, after she testified, she was with me,” Kili confessed quietly, “she came to my chambers and told me that she considered me her friend and that she didn’t want me to send her away. She wanted to be where she was safe…with me. She spent the night –

“Kili!” Thorin snapped.

He looked at his uncle, tears streaking down his cheeks.

_That_ hurt.

“We didn’t uncle. If you honestly think I would do away with courting and honoring her to satisfy my ‘base urges’ then you don’t know me very well,” he watched his uncle’s expression fall, “I slept in a chair so she could have my bed.”

Thorin took a step closer to him, “Kili, you’re not to do that _ever_ again.”

“Of course, Your Majesty,” Kili snapped coldly.

“Kili…”

“Fili’s waiting for me at the training grounds,” he said quickly, desperate to leave before he broke down entirely, “forgive me for wasting your time, Majesty.”

He slammed the door shut behind him and sprinted down the corridor toward the training grounds as hot tears flowed freely down his cheeks.

~~~~~

It was Ori’s idea, but for all of Alida’s protesting she gleefully went along with it eventually. They skipped down the hallway toward their destination, one dour guard trailing behind them. 

Alida had filled her in on everything that had happened the night before and Ori listened intently, clutching onto every little detail with a beaming grin on her lips.

“You two are so adorable, Alida!” Ori squeaked when Alida had finished.

Ori’s excitement was contagious and Alida felt herself smile as she thought about the night before. 

“You like him a lot don’t you?” Ori asked quietly, mindful of the guard not far behind them.

Alida stopped, suddenly overcome with embarrassment, and stammered as she searched for the right words to reply.

“I-I…”

Ori simply smiled and grabbed her hand, “You don’t have to say anything, Alida. It’s plain to see. Whenever he’s even mentioned you…glow,” she shrugged, unable to find the right words to describe what she’d observed, “He seems to be the only one able to pull you from your sadness.”

“That’s not true!” Alida exclaimed, squeezing Ori’s hand, “you…Ori you have been the very best friend to me,” she smiled, “truly. I am so grateful for all you’ve done for me.”

Ori smiled bashfully and hooked her arm under Alida’s.

“As you have to me,” she resumed her fast pace, urging Alida onward, “and as your friend I’m duty bound to inform you that you are absolutely smitten with our prince!”

Alida blushed and cast her gaze downward, “Yes…I suppose I am.”

“Then there is only one question,” Ori said in a matter-of-fact manner, “What are you going to do about it?”

The question caught her off guard.

“Whatever do you mean?”

Ori rolled her eyes, “You’ve got to tell him, silly!”

Alida paled, “Oh no, no, no, no! Ori, there’s no way I could!”

“At the very least try flirting a little,” Ori urged, “maybe we could get you a new dress? Something pretty that shows off your figure? That’ll certainly capture his attention!”

Alida shrugged, “Maybe…”

Ori glanced at her friend and noted that Alida seemed distant, as if she was in her own head over thinking everything. 

“Come, Alida,” Ori urged with a beaming smile she hoped was enough to lift her friend’s spirits, “we’re nearly there!”

~~~~~

Upon entering the training grounds, Alida’s gaze settled on Kili and she smiled. He’d not noticed her of course, he was far too busy fending off his brother’s attacks, but it hardly mattered. She was just happy to see him.

The arena was largely empty, with only a few attendants lingering on the sideline watching as the princes sparred. Ori led her down the steep stairs to the first row of seats closest to the ring itself. She sat and watched the brother’s intently.

Both were gleaming in sweat. The tunics they wore under their leather armor clung to their skin and their hair was damp.

Kili looked fierce. Between his tussled, dark hair whipping to and fro as he moved and the sounds he was making every time his blade clashed against his brother’s, there was a wild look about him that quickened her heartbeat. 

“Kili is particularly fierce today,” Ori observed with some concern, her brow furrowed as she watched the brothers.

Alida’s gaze snapped to her, “Whatever do you mean? Isn’t that a good thing?

“He’s angry,” Ori muttered, shooting Alida a worried look, “just look at his technique. He’s sloppy.”

Alida looked back to the sparring brothers, trying to see what Ori did. She knew little about the ‘technique’ behind battle but upon focusing solely on Kili and blocking out all other noise in the room she did become concerned.

Beyond the clash of swords and the musky scent of sweat in the air there was the undeniable and powerful wave of desperate anger emanating from Kili. She focused harder and felt sadness there as well. 

Just as she was about to speak to Ori, there was a sharp and pained shout as Kili’s blade sliced Fili’s shoulder. Ori gasped and Alida leapt to her feet, her hands clutched over her lips. 

Blood splattered on the sand as the bout came to an abrupt end with Fili dropping his sword and clutching his arm and Kili panting heavily, sword still in hand.

“What in Mahal’s name is wrong with you?” Fili shouted at his brother, his face twisted in anger as he stared Kili down, “Where’s your head at, brother? Cause you’re certainly not here!”

Kili’s sword clattered to the ground.

He looked startled, as if he’d just come to his senses. 

Alida’s heart ached. 

Kili looked absolutely horrified.

“Fili, brother, I…”

Fili brushed off the aid of the attendant who tried to press a bandage to his wound. He grabbed his sword, eyeing his brother angrily.

“How about instead of trying to kill me in training you try talking to me about whatever’s got you in such a miserable state!”

With that he made for the exit, leaving a thin trail of blood in his wake. A few attendants hurried after him, while others quietly slipped from the room.

Ori quickly shouted for Alida to go to Kili before bolting after Fili.

Suddenly alone in the arena with Kili, Alida wasn’t sure what to do or say. 

Kili stood completely still in the ring, his hair fallen forward obscuring his face. He let out a nearly feral growl and grabbed his sword from the sand and began hacking and slashing the base of a nearby stone statue. 

Alida winced every time his sword hit the stone. 

With every slash his screams grew louder until his voice grew hoarse and exhaustion settled in. He staggered backwards, dropping his sword.

Silence had finally returned to the ring.

Alida took one tentative step forward.

“Your Highness…”

Whatever trance he’d been in was broken and his gaze snapped to her. His eyes were wide, as if he was just noticing her presence. 

“Alida…”

She approached him slowly. Despite his display she wasn’t scared. Kili was safe, he was her friend…

And she loved him.

That he was hurting made her feel sick to her stomach. Whatever had done this to him, whatever had happened; she wanted to make it better, if only to see him smile once more.

“Alida,” Kili said as shame overwhelmed him, “I…I’m sorry you saw that.”

Standing before him, she looked up into his sad eyes.

“You’re hurting,” she said in a whisper, “what’s happened?”

Kili sighed, “It’s nothing for you need to concern yourself with…”

He turned, intent on leaving, but she grabbed his hand.

“You’re my friend;” she saw him tense but pressed on, “Tell me so that I might help you!”

He was silent and Alida felt her heart sink.

“Are we not friends?”

Kili, hearing the hurt in her voice, turned back to her. 

“We are.”

“Then tell me!” Alida insisted.

Kili sighed. He wanted to, he wanted to pour his heart out to her, but he didn’t know where to begin. Already he’d behaved horribly; the last thing he wanted was for his confession to scare her so badly she walked out of his life entirely.

He looked down to his hand, which Alida was still clutching.

“I…spoke to Thorin,” he began cautiously, still unsure how to confess to her and unable to meet her gaze as he spoke, “he tells me the slaver is to be executed in two days.”

Alida let out a ragged breath.

“That is a good thing. Isn’t it?”

Kili nodded, “That wasn’t why I sought Thorin out…”

Confused, Alida pressed him.

“And why did you?”

She felt a nervous energy grow around Kili and she wondered why he could possibly have cause to feel such unease around her. 

Kili took a deep breath and forced himself to look and meet Alida’s gaze. 

“Thorin told me he wants to ensure you are cared for. He and Balin are looking for potential mates for you.”

Alida felt her chest tighten and she took a step back, letting go of Kili’s hand. She clasped her hands over her stomach, wishing desperately she hadn’t tightened her corset so tightly.

“W-Who?”

“He…suggested the son of a minor but respected lord and…my younger cousin, Gimli.”

She felt as though all the air had been ripped from her chest. A thousand horrors played through her mind. She imagined being taken from Erebor, from Fallon and Ori and everything she’d grown accustomed to. Alida tried imagining her life without Kili in it and tears began welling in her eyes. 

“But…I don’t want him…I don’t want your cousin…” Alida whispered, her chin quivering as she struggled to maintain her composure. 

Kili grasped her hand, “No one can force you. No omega can be forced to take a mate, Alida. But Thorin has made it clear you are not to be my mate.”

Alida’s heart stopped and she suddenly felt very exposed.

She looked up at Kili, watching his dark eyes closely.

“You…wanted me as your mate?” 

Kili hesitated. He wanted desperately to scream ‘yes’, to take her in his arms and swear himself to her; but he knew that doing so meant nothing if there was no way for them to be together. Still, he didn’t want another day to go by without her knowing the truth.

“Yes,” he said finally, “And I still do, Alida.”

Shock and confusion were clear in Alida’s eyes.

“I…why?” she stammered, “I’m nothing special. I’m not good enough for a prince…”

Kili smiled sadly and slowly shook his head, “Yes, you are. And I want the chance to prove it to you,” his voice cracked as he continued, “And the thought of you with him makes me sick. The thought of you carrying his children…”

Alida was speechless. She had to be dreaming; there was no way on Mahal’s good earth that someone so good as Kili wanted her as his mate. 

“I’m sorry,” Kili said quickly, not allowing Alida a moment to process his confession, “I…I really shouldn’t have said that.”

He let go of her hand and stepped back, running his fingers through his hair as he wracked his mind for something, anything to say to fix his mistake.

“I…Alida, please…forget I said anything.”

Before she could protest, Kili spun on his heel and briskly headed for the exit.

For a moment, Alida said and did nothing.

_He…he wants me as his mate…_

Kili started down the darkened corridor.

_No…no, no, no….not like this…_

Alida forced herself forward, running as fast as she could after him.

_No…please, no…_

She grabbed his hand, ready for a confession of her own.

_Kili…_

He stopped, much to her relief. 

“I – 

In a heartbeat, Kili had spun around and backed her up against the wall. She gasped as her back hit the jagged stone of the wall and caught only a glimpse of Kili’s dark, smouldering gaze before his lips met hers in a searing, passionate kiss that immediately made her knees weak. 

Startled, she hesitated only a moment before clumsily returning his kiss.

Overwhelming.

That was the only way she could describe it.

She didn’t know what she was feeling, she had never kissed a man before, but it was entirely intoxicating. 

Everything she felt, touched, and breathed was him. The scent of him coupled with the softness of his lips made her dizzy. He pressed against her and she whimpered. He was strong, solid….safe.

It was over far too soon for her liking.

Kili pulled back, quickly putting distance between them. His absence left her cold and she tried to approach him, only for him to back further away from her.

Much to her dismay, Kili looked horrified. 

“Alida…I…I’m so sorry,” he stammered quickly, “I-I shouldn’t have done that.”

His words took her by complete surprise. 

“I wanted – 

“Please,” Kili pleaded, “Please forgive me…”

He fled before she could say or do anything, leaving her alone in the corridor.


	15. The Long Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida copes with Kili's absence in the days after their kiss in the training grounds. Meanwhile Kili tries to distract himself from thoughts of her...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!!!!!

In the days following his confession, Alida saw very little of Kili. He refused every message she attempted to get to him through Bofur and his mother, and seemed entirely devoted to his duties. Even when the slaver was put to death, Kili maintained the distance he’d placed between them. 

It had hurt more than she’d expected; to be denied the comfort of his presence when her tormentor faced justice. While she felt infinitely safer the moment the king’s messenger delivered the news of his death, it was a relief she couldn’t truly enjoy.

By the end of the third week since their kiss in the training grounds, Alida was desperate to speak to him. At Ori’s urging she had sent a letter to his brother, Fili, hoping he would be kind enough to a message along on her behalf. Ori seemed confident enough and while she’d initially had her doubts, Ori’s energy was contagious. 

She had hoped for a response. What she had not prepared herself for was a royal summons from the eldest prince himself.

“I’m in trouble!” Alida lamented, convinced she was to be scolded or even exiled by the alpha.

Ori chuckled, “Nonsense! Fili’s script is horrid! He likely fears you wouldn’t be able to read his response if he wrote anything of length.”

“Ori – 

“Alida,” she said calmly, grabbing the frantic omega by the shoulders to halt her pacing, “everything is going to be fine!”

Alida pouted, “But you don’t know that. You couldn’t…”

Ori sighed, “I do. I just do. You and Kili are going to smooth this…misunderstanding out. You’ll confess your love for each other and, with the King’s blessing, bond and fill Erebor with dwarflings!”

Alida blushed bright crimson and averted Ori’s gaze, “You have it all planned out I see.”

“Of course,” Ori beamed, “after all the misery you’ve endured you are owed a happy ending, my friend.”

“Oh, Ori,” Alida said in a warm sigh, “what would I do without you?”

The cheerful omega chuckled as she set about raiding Alida’s wardrobe.

“Come now, we must get you presentable for your royal audience!”

\------------------------------------------------------

Alone in lavish room the crown prince received his guests in, Alida feared her frantically beating heart would burst through her chest. She tried to occupy herself as she waited; eyeing the elaborate tapestries that hung on the walls, but thoughts of Kili distracted her.

She frowned.

She’d replayed the moment dozens of times in her mind since their lips had met. Still she did not know what she was missing or what she’d done to lose his interest. Had she been so horrible a kisser? Perhaps another had captured his interest…

“My lady?”

Alida turned to find the crown prince regarding her with a warm smile. 

Their only real interaction felt a lifetime ago, when she’d given her testimony to the King in his presence. What little she knew of him came from others and yet she did get the sense that he was wiser than his years and took his responsibilities seriously.

Alida curtsied, “Your Highness.”

“I hope you don’t mind but I invited my mother to meet us. I thought you’d be more comfortable with her near. She should be here shortly.”

“Not at all sire, it would be good to see your lady mother again.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie. Alida liked her very much. Dis was gentle and kind-hearted; reminding her in many ways of her own mother. 

She didn’t relish the idea of inquiring as to Kili in front of his mother however. 

He beckoned her to sit and servants brought wine. Alida didn’t refuse the prince’s offering but made no move to sip what she was certain was expensive wine.

“Are you not thirsty, my lady?” Fili inquired, brows arched as he watched her curiously.

Alida took a moment to find the right words to describe what it was she was feeling. She did not fear his reaction should she misspeak; his scent had no trace of anger or frustration. Rather she’d never felt such an overwhelming tangle of nerves and excitement before. Wording it seemed a monumental task.

“I am…worried.”

“Oh?”

She looked up from the untouched goblet of wine before her to see Fili sitting patiently across from her, watching her intently as if honestly intrigued as to her response.

He was a respectful and patient alpha; a breed she didn’t think existed when she was first brought to the mountain.

“About the prince, your highness,” she said quietly, still nervous despite the reassurance Fili’s scent and energies gave her, “I fear I might have offended him…”

Much to her surprise, Fili laughed.

“Oh, I highly doubt that, my lady!”

Eyes wide in shock, she could only stare at him as he struggled to rein in his amusement. She felt herself blush in embarrassment; feeling as though she was missing something the alpha seemed to believe was obvious.

Before Alida could respond, the door opened and the lady Dis appeared. 

“Fili!” she beamed, hurrying to him and placing a kiss to his cheek, “so sorry I’m late my dear, your uncle wanted my opinion on the new trade agreement with Dale and I was hesitant to shoo him away for fear he might ask where I was off to.”

She turned to Alida and gently squeezed her hand as Fili pulled out her chair and deposited her shawl on a nearby lounge.

“It’s so good to see you, my dear!” Dis said with a smile, “Bofur tells me you’ve got your footing in the den, said you seemed happy!”

Alida hesitated only a moment before giving a small nod, “I’m lucky to have Ori and Fallon to occupy my time with.”

The last thing she wanted was to come off as ungrateful. After all, she’d wanted for nothing since arriving in Erebor. Food, water, warm bedding, and clean water in which to bathe…it was all provided to her. She felt greedy wanting more, wanting to see Kili. Even now, sitting before Dis and Fili she wasn’t sure it was wise to tell them her concerns.

“Speak Alida,” Dis urged, clearly concerned, “I don’t like that frown that overcame you.”

Fili turned to his mother.

“She mentioned she was afraid she’d offended Kili just before you came in, mother.”

Dis swatted him on the shoulder and shot him a disapproving glare.

“Fili, she can speak for herself!”

Fili, mortified, hurried to correct himself.

“O-Of course…I didn’t mean to – 

“Tell us what’s bothering you, dear,” Dis said warmly.

Alida toyed with the lace fringe of her sleeve and kept her gaze downcast.

“I do not wish to overstep my bounds,” she began, “but I haven’t seen the prince in weeks and I worry –

“Wait,” Fili interjected clearly confused, “Kili hasn’t been spending time with you?”

There was panic in his voice and Alida jumped slightly in her chair, startled at the sudden rise of it in the prince’s scent.

“I’ve only seen him in passing since…since that day Ori and I watched you both sparing in the training grounds…”

Alida felt herself blush.

“I’ve…asked Bofur to send letters, asking the prince’s pardon, but I’ve gotten nothing in reply.”

“Nothing?” Dis asked, her brow quirked quizzically.

Alida shook her head. 

“He’s been spending more time with uncle, mother,” Fili said with a heavy sigh, “I thought he just wanted to take on more responsibility, get more involved with the management of the mountain and Erebor’s armies, but he’s hardly said a word to me since that day we last sparred.”

Dis clicked her tongue in disapproval, shooting Fili a disappointed look only mothers could give.

“And this is the first I’ve heard of it?” Dis growled, smacking Fili again, this time across the head, “Your brother turns stranger and you neglect to tell your own mother?”

“I’ve been busy; he’s been busy!” Fili sighed, “I just thought he had so little time for me because he was spending so much time with her!” 

He gestured to Alida.

“Honestly mother he was acting so unlike himself that day we sparred…”

“Well what happened? What did you do, Fili?”

“Nothing!” Fili looked to Alida, “Did he speak to you after I left the hall?”

They looked to her, both eager for insight into whatever had Kili acting so unlike himself.

“I-I…well…yes,” she stammered as warmth spread across her cheeks, “He was angry…at himself, I think. I tried asking what was wrong but he only brushed me off.”

She heard her voice crack and lowered her gaze.

“He started talking about the king, about having spoken to him about me. He said the king and his advisors were considering potential mates for me,” her chin trembled, “I was scared.”

“Of Kili?” Fili asked incredulously.

Alida vehemently shook her head. Whatever reservations she had were being broken down by the surge of emotions rushing through her. 

“Of the idea someone else wanted to choose my mate for me. I thought I was going to be made a slave all over again,” Alida confessed, tears trailing down her cheeks, “But…but then he said the king had also forbidden him from taking me as his mate.”

“He said that?” Fili asked quietly, glancing to his mother from the corner of his eye, “Did you know Kili wanted to make Alida his mate, mother?”

Dis nodded, “Not in words but I saw the way he was around you, Alida. I knew how much you meant to him and that he hoped Thorin would allow him to spend more time with you. Thorin made it known to me privately however that he did not…approve of the idea of you and Kili together.”

“Why in Mahal’s name did he disapprove?” Fili demanded angrily.

“That is complicated, Fili,” Dis said calmly, gently patting her son’s hand to remind him to control his energy, his anger near Alida, “and not something we need to delve into right this moment.”

“Did he say anything else, Alida?” Fili asked after taking a deep breath to calm himself.

Alida sniffled and used her sleeve to brush the tears from her eyes, “He kissed me.”

“He…what?” Dis gasped, having expected anything but what the omega had just confessed.

“He kissed me, said he shouldn’t have and that he was sorry and ran from the hall,” she said in a rushed breath before a new bout of tears overcame her, “I don’t know what I did wrong…and now he seems to have forgotten all about me…”

She hated how pathetic she sounded but the sharp pain in her chest and the sting of tears in her eyes made controlling her emotions difficult. In the den she tried to keep herself composed and calm. More often than nought it was a façade made possible by Ori’s gentle encouragement. Now, without her friend, intense fear and sorrow overcame her.

“I’m so stupid,” she wept, “I’m nothing, a weakling hardly worth his time and consideration. Yet I miss him so much it hurts!”

“Alida, dear,” Dis said in a soothing voice, eager to calm her, “not all is lost. Calm yourself and we’ll get to the bottom of this.”

When the omega showed no signs of heeding her words, Fili did what he could to soothe her. He controlled the energy he gave off; sending comforting waves towards her in the hopes it would be enough to pacify her. Kili would have more luck he knew, but he was still an alpha and every fibre of his being demanded her try to calm an omega.

Alida sniffled and took long, deep breaths as she slumped in her chair; strength having been sapped from her body.

“Good, very good, my dear,” Dis said.

Quiet but still exuding a sad, sorrowful energy, Alida trembled ever so slightly in her seat. Her hands in her lap, she didn’t dare look up to meet the gaze of neither Dis nor Fili.

“I’d like to return to the den please,” she said after a long moment of silence hung in the room, “I’m tired.”

“All right,” Fili said in almost a whisper, “I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, Alida. I promise I’ll figure out what’s going on.”

\----------------------------------------------

Fili spent the next few days trying desperately to corner his brother while balancing his many duties as heir. He didn’t think it would be so hard. After all, Kili always failed miserably when they played hide-and-seek as children. But try as he might he could not pin down the elusive dwarf.

At sunset on the third day, Fili finally lost his patience and decided to stake out his brother’s chambers; knowing full well that while Kili could avoid Alida he could hardly avoid sleep.

Not two hours into his mission, Fili spotted his brother approaching.

The usually upbeat dwarf trudged down the corridor. His shoulders slumped forward; he looked exhausted and beat-down. Even his hair, usually gleaming despite its lack of decoration, was dull and flat.

Everything about Kili told of his pain and Fili’s heart ached for his brother.

“You look like hell,” Fili said gently, making his presence known.

Kili raised his gaze from the ground and Fili was startled by the pronounced dark circles under his eyes.

“I feel like it,” Kili said quietly, “I’m to bed, in hopes tomorrow is a better day.”

He opened the door to his rooms, but Fili wasn’t about to let him retreat just yet.

“You’ve nothing to say first, Kee?” Fili asked, moving closer to his brother to look him in the eye, “I feel as though you’ve been avoiding me; and I know you’ve been avoiding Alida.”

Fili saw the tremor that ran through his brother’s body at the mention of the omega. 

He sighed, “You can’t even look me in the eye…”

“What would you have me say, Fili,” Kili countered, his frustration evident in his voice. 

“Something!” Fili exclaimed, “Anything! When have there ever been secrets between us, Kili? What’s changed?”

“Nothing –

“Then tell me what’s hurting you so badly,” Fili pleaded, “How am I to help you if you won’t tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?”

Kili groaned and stomped into his room, “It’s nothing.”

Fili followed, “Like hell it’s nothing.”

“Leave me alone, Fee!”

“Alida came to see me!”

Kili stopped in his tracks. He kept his back to his brother but try as he might he could not uproot his feet from the ground.

_Alida…_

“Three weeks, Kee? Really? What in Mahal’s good name makes you think avoiding her is the right course of action?”

Kili said nothing.

“She wrote to me desperate to know if I’d heard anything from you!”

Kili glanced at him over his shoulder, “Is…is she all right?”

“What do you think?” Fili asked, looking at his brother incredulously, “after all the misery she went through she thought at the very least you would not abandon her – 

“I’ve not!” Kili exclaimed, rounding on his brother with angry eyes, “I haven’t broken my word to her, Fee, I wouldn’t!”

“Three weeks,” Fili said, “how many letters did she send you?”

Kili’s gaze fell.

“How many did you have the courtesy to reply to? Hmm? You can hardly fault her for thinking she’s done something to earn this mistreatment!”

“Fee…”

He looked to his brother and to his dismay, saw tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“Kili,” he said with pained desperation, “just talk to me. Please, brother.”

Chin trembling, Kili looked up and tried to blink away his tears.

“I love her,” he muttered under his breath, “I love her, Fee, and uncle wants her to be Gimli’s mate for Mahal’s sake!”

“What? Gimli?” Fili exclaimed, confused to say the least to hear his cousin’s name, “why would he – 

“She’s a pauper’s daughter,” Kili went on, “and not good enough for a prince; or so says uncle.”

Fili’s brow furrowed, “He’s truly forbidden you from courting her?”

Kili nodded.

“I thought…thought it’d be easier this way; not seeing her if I couldn’t be with her. But it isn’t, Fili. It hurts, all the time.”

Fili believed him; he could feel the energy of his pain coming off of him in waves strong enough to cause him physical pain.

“She told me…you kissed her that day in the training grounds…”

Kili swallowed hard and nodded, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he said in a gasp, “I didn’t ask and I didn’t know how she felt! I’m no better than the filth that stole her from her life and forced her into that cage, Fee…”

Heart torn and aching for his brother, Fili clasped his brother on the shoulders and gave him a gentle shake to make Kili look at him.

“You are not, Kili,” he said sternly, leaving no room for debate, “I don’t believe that for a second. Alida doesn’t either, I’m willing to bet.”

Kili stubbornly shook his head, “She must hate me now…”

“No, Kili, she doesn’t,” Fili said with a smile, “she’s confused; seems certain she’s done something to turn you away. Most of all though I think she just misses you.”

“I miss her too…but –

“No,” Fili insisted, “’but’ nothing, Kee. I’m not going to let anything keep my brother from the potential of such happiness, not even our uncle.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

He felt better after Fili’s ambush and pep-talk but the task before him still seemed monumental. He’d effectively ignored the omega he’d made so many promises to, undoubtedly leaving her hurt and angry. He couldn’t fault her for that; he’d been an arse. But even if he could somehow earn her forgiveness, there was still the daunting task of getting Thorin’s blessing.

Young, immature Kili might have pursued Alida without a care as to what his kin thought. Having her in his life had changed him though, made him consider things differently than before. 

So often he’d rush head-first into something, anything without consideration for how it would play out. Be it bar brawl or battle, he did what came to him with a smile on his lips and a daring that went against what was expected.

But this, he knew, was something he had to do right. Alida deserved a proper courtship in which she was lavished with tokens of affection and showered with kindness. It wasn’t something to rush despite his predisposition to impatience. 

The very idea of approaching her made his stomach turn with anxiety though. His cowardice had caused her pain and he had yet to determine what he was going to say to begin to explain it all.

So when reports of orc scouts being spotted along the western reaches of Erebor’s border came to life, Kili eagerly volunteered his men for the task of eradicating the scum. It’d give him some time outside the mountain to clear his head and he’d be doing a service for Erebor. It was a win-win as far as he was concerned.

He loaded his gear onto his mount, ensuring he had ample supply of arrows and string for his bow. Fili and his mother had come to bid him farewell, and Thorin watched from the balcony as was customary. There was merriment among his men but Kili tried to keep his focus on ensuring he was prepared.

He was keenly aware of the disapproving glances of his brother and mother however. Neither liked the idea of him leaving the safety of the mountain; a concern he’d easily dismissed.

Small bands of orcs were a common, periodic occurrence in their territory. By reports this band was not remarkably large; its eradication had been ordered more on principle than anything else. No dwarf in Erebor would tolerate the idea of orcs setting foot near the mountain.

As he triple checked his gear, he heard the fast-paced pitter-patter of light footsteps approaching. He turned, only to see Alida running towards him from one of the side corridors reserved for servants who tended the stables.  
He could tell her sights were set on him and he tore his gaze from her, lifting himself onto his mount. 

He needed to go. He hadn’t prepared himself to speak to her, to face her. He nudged the goat with his heels, urging the beast to move forward so he might join his men.

_I’m sorry, Alida…_

The familiar sound of armor clanking together and spears stomping the ground forced him to look up though and to his horror he saw guards blocking Alida’s approach, spears crossed to keep her back. Regardless of the distance between them or how long he’d been deprived of her scent, he knew her well enough to feel her unease immediately.

His lack of preparation went out of his mind and he hollered to the guards, raising his hand to command them to stand down.

“Lower your weapons now!” he cried, “never raise steel against her again!”

Spears lowered and Alida gave the guards an uneasy look before slipping between them to approach Kili.

As she drew closer, Kili felt his chest tighten.

Her hair was pulled back in a tight braid that coiled in a bun at the back of her neck. Stray strands fluttered free around her face and what little she had by way of side-burns was braided neatly. She wore a navy and cream colored gown he’d never seen before that pinched in at her waist and was accented with silver embroidery. 

Her chest heaved as she struggled to catch her breath, seemingly having run a great distance to get to him. She looked at him as if she was astonished to have actually found him and he realized with a heavy heart this was a search she had in truth been conducting for weeks.

“You’re leaving?” she asked, sad eyes meeting his.

Kili swallowed hard and nodded.

Timidly, she reached out and touched the leather of the saddle. He saw her eye his quiver and felt her energy change.

“The mountain is safe,” she said in a breathless whisper, “you’d leave it?”

He shouldn’t have been surprised that her first thought, even after all he’d done to her, was of his safety but he was.

“I have to,” he said simply.

It was a weak explanation, but he was weary of the eyes upon them and the mountain of things unsaid between them. This wasn’t the time, as much as he loathed hurting her further in anyway.

“As soon as I get back we’ll speak, Alida. I promise.”

There was no reason for her to believe him. He’d ignored her for weeks and left her alone when the dwarf responsible for her misery met his end. He should have been there to support her but he wasn’t. He’d failed her and still had the audacity to expect her to take him for his word.

Alida hesitated and he saw her bite her lip as she clutched the saddle’s strap. Ultimately she nodded and took a small step back. She didn’t meet his gaze.

Kili looked to his brother, “See to it she’s safe while I’m gone?”

Fili nodded.

“Thank you, brother,” he looked at his mother, “I’ll bring you honor, mother.”

“Just bring yourself home, Kili,” Dis said with a sad smile, “that’s all the honor I need of you.”

Grasping the reins of his mount, he flicked his wrist and urged the beast forward to join his men.

Though it killed him not too, he didn’t look back as he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been patient for going on 1 year! I hope this was worth the crazy wait I put you all through!!!


	16. Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili returns to the mountain...just not in the manner Alida had hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one month? Must be on a roll! ;)

Life under the mountain slowed to a snail’s pace without Kili. Of course, she’d gone weeks without speaking to him after their kiss in the training grounds but he’d at least been somewhere safe during that time. With him gone, she found herself in a near constant state of worry. Her only relief came in sleep, or in her daily tea with Ori; which proved a momentary distraction.

By the end of the fifth day since he’d ridden from the mountain with his men, Alida was getting restless. She was more than tired of her tea dates with Ori and had flipped through every book the den had to offer. She wanted to scream.

Fallon lounged on her bed, watching her as she paced her room.

“I don’t like this at all,” she muttered to the concerned pup, “he’s been gone too long!”

He whined.

“I know!” she flopped down on the bed beside him with a heavy sigh, “he could be hurt! It’s not safe out there, even for a prince.”

Fallon stretched and curled up to her, resting his chin on her hip. 

Alida gave a reluctant smile.

“You’re such a good boy.”

He wagged his tail.

“Hmm, do you think he’ll be alright?”

Fallon eyed her blankly.

“He’s strong,” she said as she twirled the dog’s hair in her fingers, “I’ve seen him fight…it was just sparing mind you but he was fierce. And you know what? I wasn’t afraid when I saw him training. He wouldn’t hurt me.”

Alida chuckled as a bizarre thought entered her mind.

“He’s a good alpha,” she said in a whisper, “I didn’t think there were any of those left after my family died…”

Fallon licked her hand.

She grinned, “Thank you, good boy. You like him, don’t you?”

He nuzzled her hand, licking her palm.

“I do too,” she said, “I hope he returns soon…”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Alida was jerked from her sleep by Ori’s hand on her shoulder. Confused and alarmed, she struggled to focus her eyes in the dark. Eventually she made out the silhouette of her, but could not discern the expression on her face.

“Alida,” Ori whispered, mindful of Fallon snoring at the foot of the bed, “you’re needed in the foyer.”

“W-What?”

Ori handed her a robe and pulled back her bedding. 

“Fili is waiting for you, hurry!”

“The crown prince?”

“Yes!” Ori hissed under her breath.

Alida didn’t protest further. She knew she’d not receive a midnight visit from the king’s heir without good reason. There was something wrong, there had to be. She kicked herself free of the tangle of blankets that bound her and slipped on the robe Ori offered. Not bothering to so much as run a brush through her hair, she paused only momentarily to put on her slippers before hurrying after Ori, who’d already returned to the hallway.

They sprinted towards the foyer and Alida swore her heart was beating so fast it could burst from her chest any minute. A thousand possibilities of what might have happened rushed through her mind, none of them pleasant. 

When they finally reached the foyer, her gaze fell immediately upon Fili. His hair was dishevelled, as if he too had been woken suddenly. His trousers were not neatly tucked in his boots and the ties at the neckline of his shirt were loose. Though it was true he was paler in complexion than his brother, he was as white as snow before her now. Wide-eyed and panicked, though she could tell he was trying to rein that in if only for the sake of nearby omegas.

Alida curtsied but was too nervous to force pleasantries. Something wasn’t right and if Fili had bothered to come and see her, it had to have something to do with Kili.

“What’s happened?” she asked, “Where is he? Is he alright?”

“He’s alive…but injured,” Fili said heavily, “very badly, according to Oin and his healers.”

Alida heard him but his words wouldn’t sink it. She shook her head and stammered as she tried to find her words.

“I-I…don’t understand…”

“Alida, mother and I want you to be there. They’ve not allowed us in to see him, we’ll just be waiting but we thought you’d want to be there. I…I think Kili would want you to be.”

Choking back tears, Alida nodded and accepted Fili’s outstretched hand.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

They kept a brisk pace through the corridors, Fili leading the way and his guards struggling to keep up. She kept a firm grip on his hand and didn’t look anywhere but forward. Even when her slippers fell off in the commotion she kept going.

_Kili…_

Regret, guilt, and sorrow so intense she’d feared she’d suffocate under its weight enveloped her. She felt like a fool for not going to Kili sooner, for not just telling him how she felt before he left Erebor. He was so good, so kind and gentle…so safe. He was home…and now, faced with the reality that she might lose him, she wanted to scream herself hoarse. Scream and plead until Mahal himself heard her cries and saved him. 

_No, no, no, no…not him, please Mahal, not him…_

As they rounded a corner, Alida was hit with the overwhelming scent of blood. It was so strong she stumbled and gagged, kept upright only with Fili’s help.

“Shhh,” he soothed, “breathe through your mouth, endure it. Kili needs you to be strong, to be here for him.”

She tried to do as he bade, taking deep breaths through her mouth to lessen the intensity of the stench. More so than the smell itself, it was knowing that the blood was that of Kili that invoked such a reaction from her. It was then she knew Fili was right – Kili was very badly injured.

It was terrifying and a steady trembling reverberated throughout her body. Still, as badly as she wanted to crumble she knew she couldn’t. Kili wouldn’t.

“That’s it,” Fili praised as she cautiously righted herself, still gripping his arm tightly for support, “you can do this, Alida. We’re nearly there.”

They made it a few more paces before a blood-curdling scream filled the corridor and Alida stopped dead in her tracks.

It was him.

Her heart stilled at the realization. 

“K-Kili!”

Her gaze fixated ahead of them, she did not see the look of utter shock on Fili’s face. 

Another scream tore through the mountain and Alida jerked free of Fili’s grasp and bolted down the corridor.

“Alida!”

She didn’t stop. She knew where to go and it wasn’t far.

More screams came, echoing through the mountain and striking her in the heart each time. 

_Please…please, not him…_

She burst threw two ornate doors at the end of the corridor and tumbled straight into an armed guard.

Alida squealed and thrashed against the dwarf’s attempts to calm her, settling only when she felt Fili’s energy and his hands grasp her shoulders.

“Alida!”

She stumbled backwards into him, sending them both tumbling to the floor in a heap.

Another scream, this time so unbearably close and shrill she felt herself wince as it surrounded her. She looked up and saw that the guard she’d run into stood before a door; behind which she knew laid Kili. Exhausted and desperate, she made to crawl to the door only to have Fili grab her from behind and jerk her back into his arms. 

“Calm! You’ll do him no good in there!” he pleaded, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Sobbing freely, Alida was oblivious to the presence of Dis, Dwalin, and the King in the small waiting room. All she heard was Kili’s screams, all she saw was the single door between them.

“Please!” she wept, her voice hoarse, “Someone help him!”

“Shhh,” Fili said as calmly as he could muster, holding her tight to his chest, “calm, Alida, calm. You need to be strong for him! He needs you to be strong!”

She went limp in his arms and buried her face in his chest, her tears soaking the thin cotton of his shirt. When screams once again filled the room, Alida clamped her hands over her ears and tried to make herself as small as possible.

Fili made no attempt to move her or stand. Eyeing his mother and uncle from where they sat, he was unsurprised to see them both wide-eyed in shock at the omega’s display. Thorin, in particular, was regarding Alida as though he was utterly dumbfounded. 

“Have there been any updates?” he asked when silence returned to the small room.

Dis, her cheeks red and tear-streaked, shook her head. 

“Do we even know what happened?”

“Orc raiding party to the west,” Dwalin said in a growl when no one else made to answer, “one of the lads I spoke with said they came out of nowhere and overwhelmed them quickly. Kili blow to the shoulder taking down their leader, and a crossbow bolt to the thigh when he tried to buy his men time to retreat…”

“The filth…” Dis growled, “…to have touched my son –

“Dead,” Thorin interjected, “and rotting in the sun as anyone who dare touches an heir of Durin deserves, dear sister.”

“Are they though?” Fili questioned.

Dwalin nodded, “Men of Dale heard the sounds of battle and alerted the guard. Whatever chance Kili has we owe them.”

Alida remained silent. Though the screams had stopped she could still feel his pain, his fear. It was in the air, his energy. Weak and faltering, it hit her in lazy waves; as if each ripple took great effort to leave its host. 

She wanted to help him, wanted to take the pain he was feeling unto herself; bearing it all for him. 

Despite that, she knew the ones who could truly help him were with him, that by his side she’d do more harm than good. So she pulled away from Fili, spinning around to face the door, and tried to focus on what she could do. Her fear remained; that stabbing pain in her chest that yearned for him to be well. There was no hiding that. But in the energy she tried to give out, to push through the physical barriers between them, was that of hope and strength and love. 

_I’m here, Kili…_

“Alida?”

Fili grabbed her hand and was surprised when she accepted and offered him a reassuring squeeze in return. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alida felt someone shaking her and cracked open an eye to see a figure crouched down before her.

“Alida?”

She blinked and squinted, finally focusing her eyes enough to realize it was Fili who’d woken her.

She immediately pushed herself up from the bench she’d been lounging on, fearing the worst. Her gaze darted around the room and she immediately took note of two things. Firstly, she and Fili were the only ones in the waiting room. Secondly, the door to Oin’s surgery was open.

How long had she been asleep? What had she missed?

“What –

“Shhh,” Fili urged, “everyone’s fine. You were awake for hours; we didn’t want to deprive you of much needed rest. Kili would have our heads!”

“K-Kili – 

“Is alive,” he said with a heavy sigh of relief, “he’s unconscious but mother and uncle are sitting with him – they sent me to bring you to him.”

Alida nodded and allowed him to help her upright. Her immediate reaction was to try to pass through the open door but Fili stopped her. Confused, she watched him carefully. He smiled and slowly reached out to correct her robe, which had twisted some as she’d slept. It was a gesture that would have sent her cowering back when she’d first come to the mountain but now…now it felt as though it were something a one sibling might do for the other.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, her voice whisper-soft.

“It’s nothing,” Fili dismissed, eyeing her curiously.

Alida shook her head, “It’s not. Thank you, thank you for your kindness.”

Her sincerity took him by surprise but he ultimately smiled and offered her his arm, which she took without hesitation. 

They passed through the doorway together and she allowed him to lead her. They came to a door and Fili knocked once before opening it and allowing her to step through.

Alida gasped.

Kili lay on a simple cot in the center of the room. He was shockingly pale and if it wasn’t for the shallow rise and fall of his chest, she would swear he had left them.

Alida took a tentative step forward and, with Fili’s nod of encouragement, slowly approached him. 

Crisp white sheets were pulled up to his waist. Bare-chested, he was covered in numerous scratches and bruises. His hair was dull and plastered to his neck and brow with sweat. His left shoulder was bandaged and strips of linen had been used to bind his arm so as to immobilize it. 

He looked so frail.

Chin quivering as fresh tears threatened to fall, she rounded his bed, brushing against it ever so slightly.

Kili groaned suddenly, causing Alida to jump.

Dis and Thorin, who’d been seated on a plush bench near the wall, leapt from their seats only to be blocked by Fili, who silently gestured for them to wait a moment.

Unaware of her audience, Alida took a deep breath and slowly lowered herself to sit on the edge of his bed. She watched him carefully, as if expecting at any minute for his chest to stop rising. 

“Kili?” she spoke gently.

Nothing.

She reached out and tenderly moved a wild strand of hair out of his face. Pausing a moment, she grazed her fingers across his skin. His skin was warm and clammy to the touch but he was alive and she was overjoyed.

With tears in her eyes, she smiled as she looked at him.

_Thank Mahal…_

Kili moaned and his head turned towards her, his eyes fluttering weakly.

“Kili?”

He took a deep breath and she saw his hand twitch.

“Kili?” Alida reached up and gently laid her hand on his cheek, her thumb brushing across the apple of his cheek, “Can you hear me?”

He managed to open one eye enough for her to see the dark brown of his iris.

“Oh, Kili,” she gasped as tears now fell freely down her cheeks, “My Kili…”

As Fili made to join Alida at Kili’s bedside, Dis took a moment to take in the look of utter amazement on her brother’s face.

“You will not take this away from him, Thorin Oakenshield,” she said in a whisper, “you will not take this happiness away from either of them.”

He watched Alida carefully. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Thorin merely nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment, dear readers! Let me know what you think! I read them all!


	17. Sweet Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili heals, Alida makes a bold move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!! 
> 
> So, so sorry this delay took so horridly long! Life, dear readers, kept distracting me. When I was able to pull myself away to look at this story, the words just never came. And then suddenly they did! I crushed this out over two days of mad writing and honestly I find myself newly enchanted by this fandom yet again. I've plans on the go for the second instalment of this series, to commence when this one finishes. 
> 
> As a bonus - I will say I plan to write about Thorin and his omega next ;) anything you'd like to see or any suggestions, feel free to leave a comment or send me a PM!
> 
> Thank you, dear readers!

Consciousness returned to Kili in fragments. 

First and most powerful was the dull but persistent blanket of pain that covered his body. He tried to move, to lift himself from the cot. 

His shoulder was hot with pain that felt as though it seeped to the bone. It brought about an immediate halt to his meager movements and grimaced as he tried to take a deep breath only to feel a throbbing ache along his side.

_Great…broken ribs…_

Images of the battle that earned him his wounds resurfaced. 

_Orcs…there was an ambush…_

He tried to open his eyes but managed to see only a foggy sliver of the room around him before closing his eyes again. The light of the fire hurt and tears sprung to his eyes, trailing lazily down his face. 

He heard footsteps and the sound of a chair being pulled across the stone floor.

“Shhh, don’t move, Kili.”

_Mother?_

He felt a hand rub up and down his uninjured arm and forced himself to relax. His mother was at his side - that meant he was in Erebor. If he’d made it home, he rationalized that at least some of his men had made it. 

_Thank Mahal…_

He wanted to ask how bad it was and how many they’d lost in the attack but when he tried to open speak no sound left him. It was then he realized just how dry and sore his throat was.

On his knees, the sound of battle all around him, he grasped his mangled arm. He recalled vividly the overwhelming pain and terrifying cold that had enveloped him soon after. He screamed until he thought his head would explode and his lungs burst. 

He’d never known pain like that.

It had been made worse by his firm belief that he was going to die there, away from his kin and far from Erebor. Though the field of battle was vast, he felt alone on it.

A low groan left him as that feeling became disturbingly vivid.

He felt a shiver run through his body at the memory and he gave a low groan. 

“Shhh, don’t try to speak, my dear. Everything is alright; please just rest…you’re home…”

_Home…_

He was so happy to hear her voice, to hear her confirm that he was home; he thought he might burst into tears.

“Oin has you patched up,” she continued in a soft, soothing voice, “he said a moment later and you wouldn’t have made it…”

She squeezed his hand.

Kili heard the profound sadness in her voice keenly. She’d been crying.

He tried to squeeze her hand, hoping to offer her some comfort, but only managed a weak twitch of his fingers. 

“Thorin and Fili were here not ten minutes ago. Your uncle has been beside himself with worry. He’s not been sleeping, so I sent him away to try to get some rest. Fili’s been busy. He’s been taking care of Alida though, so don’t worry, my dear.”

_Alida…_

He had no right, but he had thought of her as he lay wounded on the battle field. He thought of how he’d wronged her, of how he’d been needlessly cruel in the days leading up to his departure. It had made him sick to his stomach to think that that was the memory he was going to leave with her. 

He wanted so badly to make things right by her, to mend what he’d broken in his carelessness. 

_Alida…my Alida…_

“She said your name,” his mother said as she brushed hair from his forehead, “Alida said your name when you were brought in. Do you remember?”

_What…she did what?_

The idea seemed absurd; especially given how poorly he’d treated her before leaving. 

He remembered the sad look she’d given him as he’d made to leave and how he’d brushed her off. 

Kili’s heart sank.

If it were possible, that hurt far more than the wounds he suffered at the hands of the orcs. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Kili woke again he felt a familiar presence on his uninjured side. He stretched as best as he could and took a deep breath as he struggled to open his eyes. 

But that breath was all it took to know who it was.

_Alida…_

She said nothing. The only sound that filled the room was the crackle of the fire.

His chest tightened.

Afraid that she’d flee or that it was a dream brought on by Oin’s tonics, he wanted to reach out and hold onto her. He wanted to pour his heart out, to beg her for forgiveness…but his lips wouldn’t cooperate. All he could manage was a pathetic whine he hoped sounded enough like her name to prompt her to speak.

He needed to hear her voice.

“A-Are you awake?” 

Kili let out a shaky breath.

Slender fingers slowly brushed his hair from his face, lingering on his cheek.

It sent a shiver through his body.

“Thank Mahal you’re alive,” she said in a relieved sigh, “Kili…”

_What?_

“Kili…my Kili…”

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move.

Had…had he heard her right?

As he wracked his mind for something that made it all make sense, he felt her pull away from him.

_I…I must have hit my head…_

He had to be imagining things. She’d never said his name and at some point, if he was being honest with himself, he’d given up hope of her becoming that comfortable with him. 

He felt the cot shift as she sat down beside him, the fabric of her dress grazing against his fingertips. 

“Kili?”

Her scent was damn near suffocating she was so close.

“Please say something,” she whimpered, near tears. 

He felt her hand against his clammy cheek and leaned into her palm. He took deep, quick breaths, greedy for her scent. It was euphoric, being so near her after coming so close to death. His head spun in a vertigo he couldn’t blame on the pain or Oin’s tonics. 

It was then he decided that it didn’t matter if this was real or not. 

If it was a dream, it was a good one.

_Please let this be real…please…_

“You’re there? Kili?” she cupped his face gently, as if he were made of glass, “I’m here, I won’t leave. Get well, please, get well…”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the weeks since being rushed into Erebor near death, Kili never left the confines of his chambers as he slowly healed. His mother visited often with Fili or Thorin in tow but still the walls seemed to grow smaller. It didn’t make things any easier that he didn’t see Alida in that time.

Oin had ordered Alida spend time recuperating in the den, explaining that the omega had been traumatized and weakened by what she’d witnessed. It hadn’t made any sense to him until Bofur explained one afternoon when he’d visited with Fili.

“Her connection to you is strong, lad,” he’d said as he lit his pipe, “she was as weak as a kitten after ye’ returned to the mountain near dead. Oin says she needs rest, and I intend to make sure she gets it. I know it hurts, lad, but it’d hurt a whole lot more if I ignored Oin’s words and let her do as she pleased and got sick. If it makes ye’ feel any better…she wants to be here with ye’ too.”

He couldn’t argue with the beta anymore after that. 

The days dragged by without her though. 

His wounds healed slowly, with his thigh wound giving him the most hassle. It seemed like every time he tried to move, be it to try to walk or to tie his boots, the damned thing opened. 

He did as much as he could on his own but still felt he relied too heavily on servants and the cane Bifur had made for him.

Both made him feel weak.

To kill time, he tried to write letters to send to Alida through Fili but never got anywhere. There was too much to say, too much to confess, to even attempt to put on paper. Instead, he only asked Fili to wish her well and remind her of him whenever they happened to bump into each other.

It was a dull existence. 

“Your highness?”

Kili groaned.

It was late in the morning; he knew he should be up. Still, the sound of the servant’s voice at his door was infuriating.

“Come in,” he grumbled.

Khern entered and hurried across the room to Kili’s side. The poor beta had been an attentive aide and deep down Kili was appreciative. But when Khern tip-toed around him, asking if there was anything he could do to help or offering him his cane, it made his blood boil. 

He bit back a growl as he took the beta’s arm, leaning much of his weight into him, as they made for the baths. 

Oin had ordered a large basin-style bath brought to his chambers early on, knowing it wasn’t wise to have Kili step down into the natural stone bath he typically used. Khern bared Kili’s weight without complaint as they slowly made their way to the corner of Kili’s room that had been cordoned off with curtains to provide him some degree of privacy. 

When they finally made it, Kili eased himself down on a small stool and waited in silence as the beta drew a warm bath and gathered soaps and washcloths.

With his supplies at hand, Khern made to help Kili disrobe only to have his hand swatted away.

“I’ve got it,” Kili grumbled, starting on the laces of his shirt.

Khern nodded and took a step back, waiting patiently.

The laces were easy enough but his arm was still stiff and sore from the blow he’d taken, making getting it off difficult. After some struggle and some choice words for the tailor who crafted his nemesis, Kili managed to get the offending article off, tossing it across the room. 

He started working on his boots without bothering to look at the damage to his chest. Despite weeks having passed, evidence of his encounter with the orcs remained in the form of bruises of various shapes and colors. A long, twisted scar ran from his shoulder blade over his shoulder and down to his elbow. It wasn’t pretty, but then Oin had done the best he could with what he had. 

Kicking off his boots, he took a steadying breath and tried to ready himself for the pain that would come with removing his trousers. The bolt he’d taken to the thigh had done real damage. It had been buried deep and taken all of Oin’s skill to remove in one piece. The wound it left was even nastier than the one on his shoulder, as it had opened and had to be repaired numerous times. Kili hated looking at it.

Laces dealt with, Kili knew it would take Khern’s help to get any further. There was no way he could stand, balance himself, and shirk off his trousers without winding up in a heap on the floor.

Khern moved to assist without Kili asking (a small mercy) and together they managed to keep him from falling while removing his of the last of his clothing. 

Kili grabbed an oversized towel from the pile beside him and draped it over his lap.

“Would you like to go into the water today, your highness?” Khern asked.

Kili shook his head.

Khern nodded and filled a bucket with steaming water. He knelt beside Kili and soaked a washcloth.

“I can do it myself,” Kili said sternly, snatching the cloth from the beta, “leave me.”

“Your highness –

“Leave!” he snarled, glaring angrily at the startled beta.

Khern didn’t need to be told twice. He stood and quickly bolted from the room, leaving Kili alone. 

Sighing heavily, Kili tossed the cloth in the bucket. His elbows on his knees, he leaned forward with his head in his hands, feeling completely defeated. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alida reassured the flustered beta all was well, sent him on his way with an encouraging smile, and entered Kili’s chambers. She was giddy with anticipation in seeing him, having grudgingly endured weeks apart from him while they both healed in their own ways. 

She worried about him constantly during that time but admitted to Ori that she felt better than she expected. She felt…refreshed and reassured.

Ori had been a tremendous help. She had listened and given her the courage to be honest with how she felt. Fili was a great help in that regard as well. He’d visited her regularly, keeping her updated on Kili’s condition and passing along well-wishes from his brother. It was him who had helped her realize that if Kili had been so impassioned as to kiss her surely what he felt was real. 

“He’s crazy about you, Alida,” he’d said with an amused grin at one point, “he ran after he kissed you because he was afraid he’d gone too far. He was terrified he’d hurt you, maybe reminded you about the alphas who hurt you.”

“He’s nothing like they were,” she’d exclaimed without hesitation, “he’s kind and strong and –

“In love with you,” Fili’d finished for her, grin wide.

Alida took a deep breath to muster her courage and headed towards the curtained off portion of Kili’s room. 

She parted the thick velvet curtains and saw Kili sitting beside a large washbasin wearing nothing but a towel, his head in his hands. She immediately flushed red at the sight of him near-naked. He was tanned and toned, every inch of him molded by years of dedicated training. His skin was smooth and largely devoid of hair save what she saw on his arms. 

She might have turned and ran, had it not been for the how tremendously sad he looked.

So instead, she cleared her throat.

Kili jumped in his seat, saw her, and with wide eyes reached for the towel he’d slung over his lap.

“A-Alida?”

His surprise was evident but when his gaze settled on her and a strangely comfortable silence followed, he visibly calmed. 

She smiled softly, “Khern said you sent him from the room.”

Kili tensed and fiddled with the hem of the towel. He hunched forward, seemingly trying to make himself as small as possible.

It was alarming to Alida to see so sudden a change in him. He wasn’t the same dwarf who’d coaxed her from the wreckage of the slave carriage she thought she’d die in.

Though she supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. So much had happened since then. And there was still so much to fix, so much to say, and they’d not been alone together since he’d surprised her with a kiss. 

Kili reached forward, wringing out a cloth and weakly running it down his injured arm. He didn’t look at her and paid no mind to where he was cleaning, grazing the cloth carelessly across his wound. It was a sad attempt at convincing her all was well.

“I…didn’t need the help.”

Alida sighed and stepped forward, reaching to take the cloth from him.

“Stop, please, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“You don’t have to wait on me, Alida.”

Alida knelt beside him, dunking the cloth in the water, and gently grabbed his wrist. When he flinched she made no move to force him to hold still. Instead, she continued undeterred, gently working the cloth in circles starting at his hand; taking care to be thorough. 

“There was a time I needed help and was afraid to accept it,” she glanced up at him, “let me help you now, Kili.”

She forced herself to be brave and held his gaze. 

His eyes went wide and his lips parted as something akin to awe struck him. 

Alida blushed fiercely and tried to refocus on her task, the weight of his eyes on her near unbearable. 

A long silence stretched between them, only to eventually be broken by Kili’s whisper-soft voice.

“I thought I’d dreamt it…”

Alida furrowed her brow, unsure of his meaning.

“W-What?”

“You…s-saying my time,” he stammered incredulously. 

Her breath caught in her throat.

She gave a slight shrug, trying to feign indifference, “It seemed too personal.”

“I...thank you,” he said in a quick breath, “for using it…and for staying with me.”

“Of course,” she smiled.

She worked her way slowly up his arm, taking great care when she neared his wound. Dabbing the washcloth over it, she looked to him for any sign of discomfort.

“Is this alright?” she asked, concerned etched in her features.

Kili looked tense but nodded.

“You’re sure?”

Again, he answered with a nod. 

Her heart pounding with the ferocity of a war-drum, Alida had to force herself to stop and take a deep breath to try to calm it. 

It did little good however. 

Everything about him was sensory overload. The warmth of his skin, the sight of his bare chest and broad shoulders, the energy he projected, and the dangerously intense scent he was giving off…

_It’s alright…it’s going to be alright…oh!_

He felt it too; his scent confirmed it.

Excitement, nervousness…it was wrapped up in the beautiful scent she’d come to know as his.

_Does he…does he feel this because of me?_

“Fili…he told me Oin has been impressed by your recovery,” she said, the silence becoming unbearable, “When I saw you…that day I didn’t think there was any healing to be had. There was so much blood…I thought for sure…”

She couldn’t finish the thought.

_This isn’t helping…_

“I’m sorry. That’s the last thing you need to hear. Just…just pay me no mind…”

Satisfied she’d cleaned the area around his wound as best she could, she swallowed hard. 

Nervously, she ran the cloth up the curve of his neck and down his back. He shifted awkwardly in his seat, arching towards her touch, and she worried she’d done something wrong. When she moved back towards his neck, she looked up at him only to be met with a dangerously dark and heated gaze.

“K-Kili?”

His lips trembled.

_Mahal…his scent…_

Alida tentatively reached out, brushing aside a wild lock of his hair that had fallen over his shoulder. She saw him shiver.

He inched closer to her, so much so Alida could feel his breath on her lips.

“Alida, I –

She silenced him the only way that felt right – by pressing her lips to his.

It was clumsy at best, nothing more than a nervous peck on his lips that lingered, but Alida hardly cared. His lips were just as soft as she remembered, just as perfect. 

And, thank Mahal, he didn’t pull away!

She felt his hand on her neck and gave a contented sigh as he deepened their kiss. 

He wasn’t as fierce as before, as desperate. It was slow, tender…as though he sought to savor it.

_Kili…My Kili…_

His fingers found their way into her hair and she leaned into him.

The hiss of pain that left him broke their kiss and Alida lurched back, her hand over her kiss-swollen lips.

“I-I’m so s-sorry! Kili, I –

“Don’t,” he said in a breathless gasp, “I’m alright…it…that was…”

Alida glanced from his desire-darkened eyes to his parted, swollen lips and bit her lip.

“I…wanted to tell you before you left the mountain. Before…in the training grounds…” 

His reached out cautiously to grab her hand, sadness etched in his features.

“I really shouldn’t have done that…”

Alida squeezed his hand and vehemently shook her head, “No! No, Kili! You startled me then; that’s all! The kiss…I rather liked the kiss. I was trying to tell you that before you left…”

Alida swallowed hard, blinking back the tears that had suddenly sprung to her eyes.

“And you came back to me near dead and I thought I’d never be able to tell you in this life.”

Kili smiled and sighed. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers and rubbing along the curve of his neck with his calloused fingers.

“Mahal, I was such a fool. I thought you’d hate me after that,” he chuckled, “I thought I’d pushed you away for sure.”

Alida shook her head, “Never! I…I have a question though…”

He pulled back some, just to look her in the eyes, and lazily toyed with a lock of her hair.

“Anything.”

“You don’t regret our kiss? Now or then?”

She couldn’t help it. Despite how amazing she felt now, with him, old fears and insecurities remained. And this was so important. She didn’t want to blink and have it all disappear.

“No,” he said firmly, “even with how I reacted in the training grounds.”

“And you…you meant what you said? That you wanted me to be your mate?”

“Yes.”

Again he didn’t hesitate and her heart felt lighter for it.

But still…

“You said your uncle didn’t approve of it though.”

He grasped her hand tightly, bringing it to his lips where he pressed a firm kiss to her knuckles.

“Alida, I don’t care how long it takes but I will make my uncle understand. I will do anything to be with you, my gimlíth. If…if being with me is what you want…”

With tears in her eyes, Alida nodded.

“It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> I'm going to try to get going on the next chapter soon but fear life may delay me again. I'm working two part time jobs and going to school full time, so things have been hectic. Bare with me though :)


	18. Blessing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin approaches Alida, Kili speaks with his mother in private.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update! Huzzah!   
> Plans for the second instalment of this series is underway, dear readers. I'm excited by what I've got so far and cannot wait to delve into it! Beyond the three main parts of this story I intend there to be smaller stories to help fill in some gaps and provide ya'll with some smut - I hope you don't mind ;)

Alida sat on the edge of his bed, her hand in his. 

Kili had just fallen asleep. It had taken a great deal of convincing to get him to rest and in the end she’d had to promise him a kiss if he’d comply. A kiss and her word that she’d not leave while he slept.

She smiled to herself as she watched him. 

Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined herself where she was – by Kili’s side, comfortable and safe. She was proud of herself. 

There was a knock on the door followed by the squeak of it opening slowly. She didn’t bother turning to see who it was, she knew his scent, but she did tense up.

“Lady Alida?” the king said in a hushed voice, “I require a moment of your time.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him. Much to her surprise he was dressed rather casually. There were dark circles under his eyes and his hair was devoid of any ornament. 

Alida swallowed hard and looked back to Kili, squeezing his hand.

“I promised Kili I’d not leave him while he slept…”

“We’ll be just outside his door,” Thorin said with surprising calm, “we can leave it cracked if that would make you more comfortable.”

With a small sigh, Alida pressed a kiss to Kili’s hand and stood. There was no refusing the request of a king, she told herself. Still, the idea of breaking her promise to Kili did not set well with her, however small a transgression it might be.

Thorin held the door open for her and, true to his word, did not shut it behind him. 

“Thank you. I’ll not keep you long from him. I believed it was important that we spoke given all that’s happened since Kili’s injury.”

Alida watched him curiously. 

“You know I’ve spoken with Kili regarding you and his…fondness for you?”

She nodded; her throat too tight to risk speaking a word.

“Then you know I forbade him from pursuing you as a potential mate?”

Again she nodded.

Thorin sighed, “You can speak, Alida. I’m not going to punish you or Kili for anything you say. This will go much smoother if you’d say something when I talk to you.”

She made to nod then quickly corrected herself.

“I-I understand, sir.”

Alida began fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve. Her voice was shaky and soft, but it seemed enough for him.

“You’re of a far lower rank than I’d wish for my nephew. I thought you’d be better suited to another. The options I had mentioned to Kili were far better than a pauper’s daughter would be presented with typically. I thought I was being generous.”

Alida said nothing, though anger bubbled up inside her at his words. 

Generous? To be thrust upon a stranger? To be denied the one who brought her happiness and made her feel safe?

Thorin continued.

“My sister did not approve of my efforts. Kili…well, I’ve never seen the boy so furious. But I was willing to endure their anger to do what I thought best for him. But then he was injured and you never left his side…”

A silence fell between them and Alida looked to Kili. The door was ajar just enough to see his figure on the bed, to glimpse the slow rise and fall of his chest.

She was in love with him.

There was no denying it. 

She did not want to consider a future that did not have him in it. She wanted to help him heal, tend to his wounds, and accept his token of courtship should he offer it. She wanted to give him dwarflings, to sleep by his side every night and grow old with him.  
She wanted him with her heart and soul.

Alida took a sharp breath.

As much as its intensity scared her, it made her feel incredibly brave. 

“He did not leave me,” she said quietly, “it would have certainly made things easier for him, but he didn’t. I’ll not leave him now…and I’ll not consider the ‘options’ you mentioned. For me there is only him. I’d sooner remain unwed and unmated than be without him.”

Thorin regarded her closely. He saw the affection in her eyes as she looked to Kili and heard the resolve in her voice as she spoke. She wasn’t the terrified and broken omega that came to the mountain so long ago. There was still healing needed, of that Thorin was confident, but she was far stronger than she had been; certainly more so than he’d given her credit for.

“I expected you’d say that,” he said with a smile, “and I wanted you to know I have no aversion to my nephew choosing you.”

Alida’s gaze snapped back to the king and she stared at him, wide-eyed and without words. 

“I’ve always wanted Kili to be happy. I love him as though he’s my own, after all. I always hoped he’d find a strong omega; one that loved him for more than his bloodline, one that would stand proudly beside him and advise him wisely. It was foolish of me to disregard your strength and the fondness you so clearly have for him. I…I hope you can forgive me my folly. When Kili presents you with his token, please know you have my most sincere blessing.”

Gobsmacked, Alida could only nod.

Thorin smirked, “Your words, Alida, please.”

Spurred on by her joy, Alida opted instead to embrace him, that strange bravery still potent in her heart. 

The shock of it made Thorin stumble and take a step back but he regained his composure enough to pat her gently on her back.

Alida quickly jumped back, seemingly startled by her own outburst.

“I-I’m so sorry, Your Majesty, I – 

He held up his hand to silence her.

“Please, Alida, just Thorin is sufficient when we’re in private.”

“A-Alright…Thorin. Thank you,” she smiled, “and you’re forgiven. I don’t fault you your doubt in me.”

“Thank you, Alida. Now, return to his side before he wakes to find you gone.”

“You don’t wish to speak with him?”

He laughed and shook his head, “Kili was always ugly if roused from bed before he was ready. I’d not sour his rest.”

She smiled, “I’ll tell him you were by, then, and send word when he wakes?”

“That would be appreciated.”

Alida bowed low, thanking Thorin again, and skipped back into Kili’s room. She resumed her post at his bedside and brushed wild strands of hair from his brow.

Thorin watched them from the door for a brief moment, a smile on his face.

______________________________________________________________________________

The days that followed passed in a whirlwind. Alida was lucky enough to spend much of them with Kili and they passed the time talking and learning more about each other.

Alida told him of her brothers and her quiet life before the slavers stole her away. She described the small home she shared with her family and the pond she used to swim with her friends. When she told him of the sacking of her village and the death of those she loved, she allowed him to hold her through the tears.

Kili talked of his childhood, of growing up with Fili in the safety of the mountain. He spoke of the day he learned his father had fallen in battle, and of the nights he lay awake listening to his mother sob uncontrollably. He teared up telling her of it and, unsure what to do, Alida simply curled up next to him on the bed and hugged him as tightly as she dared.

The mountain was busy during those days as well. Nori and Dwalin departed for the Iron Hills to discuss the omega slave caravans with Dain and preparations for a great feast in celebration of the summer solstice began. Ori was able to drag her from Kili’s side (at his urging) to help her and Dori prepare the decorations that would fill the great hall.

It was during that time, when Alida was preoccupied with a complicit Ori, that Kili asked his mother to visit him.

“What’s the cause for all this secrecy, Kili? Are you alright, my dear?”

Dis fussed over him, fluffing his pillows as he tried to reassure her.

“Mother, please, I’m fine!”

“I swear if Oin or that stone-damned brother of mine didn’t tell me something – 

“I’m fine,” he said firmly, grabbing her hand and squeezing it tightly, “please, mother, that isn’t why I asked you here.”

Releasing her death-grip on the pillows, she settled on the edge of the bed; still clearly very much on edge and concerned.

Kili smiled fondly, “I’m going to be alright.”

Dis sighed, “I know…at least I try to remind myself of that. It’s just horrible to see you so, my dear.”

Kili couldn’t fault her that. Despite the time that passed, he still looked miserable. The wounds had closed nicely but left bruises of the vilest coloring in their wake. His side was a mosaic of purple, black, and green. He didn’t dare examine his leg too closely but had caught glimpses of dark blotchy welts when Oin was changing the wrappings on more than one occasion. When he did attempt to walk, it was only with the aid of a cane that he remained upright. Beyond that, he knew being bed-bound for so long would weaken his endurance and his sword-arm. There’d be a long road to true recovery.

“I improve with each passing day,” he said with a smirk, “at least that is what Oin and Alida keep reminding me.”

Dis smiled; a knowing glimmer in her eye, “Does your asking me here have something to do with her, my dear?”

Kili cleared his throat and sat himself up in bed.

“I…uh…yes, mother. I intend to present her with a courting bead.”

Dis’ smile grew and she clasped her hands together, her delight palpable. 

Kili gave a small smile.

“I thought to make her a bead but none of the designs I’ve come up with felt right,” he pulled sheets of parchment from under his cot and handed them to her, “they’re all either too simple or too fancy or – 

“Just not right,” Dis finished for him, shooting him a reassuring look before flipping through the sheets he’d given her.

“Exactly,” he ran his fingers through his hair, “nothing feels right! Not sapphires or rubies or diamonds…”

“She doesn’t seem the type for shiny gems,” Dis observed, still engrossed in Kili’s sketches.

Kili tentatively continued.

“I…I had hoped to offer her one of your amber beads…”

Dis looked up from the sheets.

“The ones your father made for me…”

His father had always been a sensitive topic for his mother. Even years after his passing she mourned him. 

Out of love and respect he and Fili rarely broached the subject with her. He did so now out of desperation. Nothing he came up with felt right but the idea of passing down something cherished by his family…that felt right.

Kili nodded, “I’ve always liked them. They were some of father’s best work and…I like the idea of offering her something that means so much to our family, something that united two people who loved each other so fiercely. It’d be like a token of good luck…”

Kili’s voice faded. His cheeks were red and he looked flustered and lost for words.

A smile grew on Dis’ lips as she regarded her youngest son. 

“Kili, I’d be honored, my dear,” she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, “and so would your father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm thinking 2-3 more chapters at most for this story - then on to the next! Thank you in advance for your reviews and comments! :)


	19. The Feast, Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida and Kili prepare for the feast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks, life got crazy busy very quickly and I only now had some time to write. 
> 
> I'll try to not make you wait too long for the next update but I honestly don't think things will calm down anytime soon :( Between work and school its not been fun...
> 
> But writing this update was! Let me know your thoughts! :)

“I don’t need it, Oin,” Kili spat, tossing the cane he’d been provided aside carelessly, “I’m not a damned cripple!”

“No, ye’r not, lad, not just now. But if ye push y’erself too hard or ye’r leg gives out on ye at the wrong moment ye will be! Ye owe it to others to take care of y’erself!”

Oin grabbed the cane and thrust it towards him, shooting him a lethal glare as he waited for the stubborn prince to give in and take it.

With a heavy sigh, Kili snatched it from him. It angered him beyond words that he needed it. His wounds, still healing, he could at least hide under clothing. So long as he didn’t try to move he appeared normal, whole. But with the cane everyone could tell – his feebleness was on display for all to see. 

Would Alida still want him? She’d scarcely left his side since Thorin had given them his blessing but he’d not left his chambers in that time. Would the gawking of others dissuade her? Would she want to remain by his side if he needed her arm for balance should he descend a flight of stairs?

Kili didn’t know.

He didn’t feel like the strong protector he wanted to be for her. That sad, sickening realization made the weight of the amber courting bead in his pocket multiply tenfold.

A gentle tapping at his door and the scent that wafted through the keyhole tore him from his worries. 

“Alida! Come in!” he exclaimed, tossing the cane down on his bed and doing his utmost to remain upright.

Oin grumbled in disapproval.

The door opened and Alida practically skipped into the room, Fallon at her heels.

As their eyes met they both smiled.

“You look beautiful, Alida.”

Her cheeks flushed pink.

“T-Thank you,” she slowly approached him but stopped a few steps shy of him; very much aware Oin was still in the room.

“I’ll take my leave,” the old healer grumbled, gathering his supplies, “you’ll consider what I said though?”

Kili cleared his throat and nodded.

When the doors closed behind him, Alida quickly hurried into Kili’s arms. She was gentle, her arms wrapped almost timidly around his waist, and yet it was still enough to anger his wounds and cause his leg to throb angrily. He managed to stifle the wince it pulled from him and Alida showed no sign of noticing.

She looked up at him, her beautiful eyes glimmering in the dimly lit room.

“I missed you,” she said quietly.

Kili smirked, “Did you now?”

Alida buried her face in his chest and nodded.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head and took a deep, greedy breath of her scent.

“And I you, gimlíth. What called you away from me?”

Alida giggled and looked back up at him, “I went to see Mister Dwalin and Nori off with Ori. She was sad to see Dwalin go so I stayed with her awhile after. She told me all about the feast that’s coming up – can we go, Kili? Can we?”

His gut, and the painful throbbing pain in his leg, told him no – at the very least for himself. Alida deserved to enjoy her first proper feast and how could see with a cripple slowing her down? Ori could keep her company and Fili could keep an eye on her, make sure she was safe…

“I worry about you,” Alida whispered, “you’ve not been out much since Oin permitted you from your room. Ori…she says the feast will be fun and I’d really like us to go together…”

Despite the doubts he had, he couldn’t help but smile. He recalled vividly how scared she had been once to venture to the market with him. Now she comfortably and confidently asked him to a feast!

Kili’s heart swelled with pride for her.

“My fearful omega seems to have vanished,” he said as he brushed his fingers through the ends of her hair, “Have you any idea how proud I am of you?”

Her brow quirked quizzically, “You are proud of me?”

Kili hugged her tighter to him, ignoring the stinging of his wounds, and pressed his forehead to hers.

“Yes, Alida! You’ve come so far, faced so many things that scared you, and become so much stronger for it. How could I not be proud of you?”

She blushed.

“It’s only because I had you beside me.”

Kili’s expression soured and shook his head, “Alida…”

He didn’t want her laying all of her successes on him, not when so much of who she had become was her. Devaluing herself only to praise him…that felt wrong; too much like the hellish treatment she’d endured before crossing his path. She was the one who took a chance on him when she had no reason to, who first trusted based on nothing more than faith. 

“I only mean…I mean that I’m not sure it would have happened if I did not have your encouragement. It’s odd…and amazing,” she smiled fondly as she tried to find the words to describe the feeling, “to know you have faith in me. It…makes me relax; knowing that no matter how much I may doubt myself you don’t.”

He smiled.

“I’d be a fool to doubt you, gimlíth. And I’d be an even bigger fool to not accompany you to the feast,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Mahal help him but he couldn’t deny her anything.

Alida gave a beaming smile. She stood up on the tips of her toes and kissed him lightly on the lips. As she pulled back, their eyes met and Kili kissed her properly. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Do you like the green one or the blue?”

Ori glanced between the two from her perch on Alida’s bed. Shoes were scattered over the bed, all having been tried and tossed aside. A dozen dresses lay forgotten around the room and in the middle of it slept a snoring Fallon, blissfully unaware of the fuss going on around him. 

“You worry about this too much, Alida,” she said gently, “Silk or velvet, lace or tulle; he will think that you are the most beautiful dwarrowdam there!”

Alida frowned and looked down at the dark green velvet gown in her arms. It was heavy, detailed almost entirely in pearls and thick, intricate embroidery. It was beautiful, something akin to what the other ladies would wear, but…

“Yes…but…” she muttered.

Ori laughed, “But what?”

With a huff of frustration, Alida heaved the gown across the back of her vanity chair.

“I want to fit in, Ori. Great feasts like this…we never had them in my village. I don’t want to embarrass Kili by looking like…like some farmer’s daughter who has no business at a fancy party!”

Ori shifted up and off the bed, sending shoes falling to the ground as she wiggled her way to freedom.

The sight caused a smirk to form on Alida’s lips, despite her best efforts.

Ori fetched a blue gown from the foot of the bed and held it up for Alida.

“This one,” she said without hesitation, “it’s not so heavy a fabric and the neckline is stunning.”

Alida looked at it, brow furrowed, “It’s pretty…but…”

Ori gave a heavy sigh, “You walk in there covered head to toe in gaudy beads and embroidery and thick, dark velvets no one will recognize you. Trust me. Kili will love you in this one!”

\--------------------------------------------------------

“Nervous?” 

Kili ignored his brother’s foolish question and set about the slow task of getting ready for the feast. Servants had already set out everything he needed, all fresh from the tailor. A crisp white undershirt, dark leather boots, black trousers, a deep blue tunic embroidered with gold runes, and a new belt etched with both his and his family’s sigils. 

It was all much fancier then his usual garb, but for a feast of this magnitude he was expected to look the part of a prince.  
He leaned his cane against his dresser and set about disrobing. 

Kili could practically feel his brother’s gaze burning a hole in his back.

Fili set down his tunic and approached his stubborn brother.

“Do you want a hand with that, Kee?”

He swatted Fili’s hand away when he neared.

“I’ve got it.” 

“Sure,” Fili scoffed, “and what should I tell mother and Alida then when you tumble over trying to tug up your trousers? That wouldn’t be a pretty sight for Oin when he comes here to help me lift you bare-arsed from the floor!”

Kili grumbled but said nothing.

Fili watched him carefully; unable to pull his gaze from the wounds along Kili’s exposed back. 

He was no fool. He knew Kili better than anyone. 

Kili had always been trying to prove himself, to show everyone that he was a strong and capable dwarf. As soon as he grew old enough to understand the teasing of the older dwarflings, he got into fights with anyone who thought him less because of his lack of a beard. He trained harder, hunted better, and brawled better than any other dwarf his age…and then he came of age. He became an alpha and the pressure he placed on himself only grew.

He could only imagine the insane thoughts whirling about in his brother’s head – was it weak to need the cane? Would Alida even want to sit with me? Will the cane embarrass her?

With a sigh, Fili moved to help his brother again.

And again Kili swatted at him.

“I don’t need your help, Fee!” he grumbled, clinging to his dresser for support.

“Kee, for the love of Mahal, let me help. You’ve got a whole procession of dwarves who’d have my beard if you hurt yourself while I sat here twiddling my thumbs.”

Kili shot him a confused glance.

“Uncle, mother, Alida, Ori, Oin, Bofur –

“I get it,” Kili snipped, “fine…just…fine.”

Fili helped him out of the rest of his clothing without saying a word. Kili held tight onto the dresser all the while for balance, his expression sour. It wasn’t until Fili had helped him into his new trousers that he dared say anything.

“I spoke with Alida a lot while you were on the mend, before you woke up. I don’t think I’ve seen an omega so worried since mother saw off father on his last scouting.”

Kili’s expression softened some but he said nothing.

“I tried to keep her updated on how you fared…and I may have helped clarified that kiss you stole from her on the training grounds.”

He laughed at the mortified look that pulled from Kili.

“Come now, Kee! She thought she’d done something wrong after you ran off and avoided her like the damned plague!”

“I suppose I didn’t exactly handle that well,” Kili admitted in a murmur.

Fili sighed and grabbed Kili by the shoulders.

“She loves you, you dolt. She’s not going to care about the scars or your cane, so offer her the bead you’ve been keeping to yourself before I lose patience and ask her for you!”

Kili’s gaze shot up.

“Y-You knew?”

Fili rolled his eyes.

“Mother told me of course. Are you planning on presenting it to her at the feast?”

Kili sighed, “I…I don’t know.”

“You should. It’ll be a grand feast; music, ale, dancing…”

“Mahal’s breath,” Kili groaned, hands running through his hair as new panic washed through him, “what if she wants to dance? Fee I can hardly stand upright let alone –

“Breathe, brother,” Fili soothed, “she knows you’re still on the mend. I don’t think she’d expect that of you.”

“But what if she really wants to? Fee I can’t say no to her!”

“Sure you can –

“I can’t!” Kili insisted, “Fee, you don’t get it! I see her and I’m blind to all else! She’s intoxicating! I catch her scent and I can’t breathe for a moment! She’s –

“Alright,” Fili said with an amused grin, “alright, Kee. I’ll speak with Ori and make sure she dances with her if the spirit moves her. But you need to keep yourself in check, Kee.”

The urges to which he referred were well known to both of them, the idea of them at least. Fili had yet to feel so strongly for an omega but it was clear Kili was there. The intense need to protect, to be near, and (eventually) to mate with a chosen omega was supposedly all consuming. 

Clearly embarrassed, Kili nodded meekly.

“I haven’t even found the stones to offer her the bead…if she knew what I felt or how I saw her at times she’d run scared…”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, brother. I doubt she’s noticed. I get the impression she doesn’t see herself as someone…desirable.” 

Kili’s brow furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

Fili stumbled some, unsure how to word it in a way that was respectful of the omega his brother cared for but got the point across.

“I mean I don’t think she has much clue of the…more intimate side of the alpha-omega relationship. I’m not naïve enough to think she didn’t see or hear something while in the slaver’s caravan but you and I both know that is not a how it should be.”

“The kiss…it didn’t scare her as I first thought, Fee. I thought she’d think me just like those who kidnapped her but she didn’t. And we’ve kissed since…”

“I’m sorry, Kee. I really don’t mean to give you more to worry about I just caution that she may not entirely realize you desire more from her than kisses.” 

Kili shallowed hard. 

He hadn’t considered that and it shamed him deeply.

Of course he knew some of what she had seen and endured. Alida had said early on that none of her captors had used her, that she was clean. That didn’t mean she didn’t witness the abuses inflicted on her fellow omegas.

Would she be repulsed at the idea of being intimate with him? Of sharing more than kisses?

Fili saw the look shift and darken in his brother’s eyes and gently wrapped his arms around him.

“I’m sorry, Kee, I’m so sorry I said anything. Please, let’s get you ready. Nothing needs to happen tonight; not a dance and not the offering of a courting bead. Do you hear me?”

He pulled back to look Kili in the eye.

“What do I do though? Fee, I don’t want to lose her…”

Fili smiled.

“Have fun tonight and enjoy having her at your side. When the time comes…just speak to her, Kili. I’m no expert, I’ve not felt as you do for an omega but I think if your honest and talk her through any worries she has you’ll both be fine.”


	20. The Feast, Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida and Kili attend the feast and while Alida makes great strides in gaining confidence Kili isn't himself...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! An update here for you! It may be the last before the new year but we'll see (I'm very excited for the next few chapters!).
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!

Alida paced outside the massive oak doors that led to the great hall. The feast had just begun and already the sounds of joy and laughter emanated from the room, doing little to quiet her nerves. How many dwarves were inside? Would they stare at her? Laugh at her sad attempt to fit in? Alida wasn’t sure. Despite Ori’s reassurance it was difficult to silence the questions her frantic mind generated with each passing moment.

“Where is Kili?” she asked quietly.

Ori smiled, “On his way I’m sure. He’s always been the fashionably late sort.”

Alida glanced down the hallway, standing on the tips of her toes in hopes of catching a glimpse of him nearing.

“What if he changed his mind though?”

“Doubtful,” Ori said with a chuckle, “You could ask him to scale the Lonely Mountain with his bare hands and I’m sure he’d make the attempt.”

Alida wished she could share Ori’s confidence. 

“Oh…I don’t know about that…”

She’d opted for the blue gown Ori had insisted upon. It lacked the elaborate detail of the others, but was made of a far lighter, natural cloth that didn’t make her feel like she was being swallowed by fabric. 

It had a low, scoop neckline that accentuated her bust. A wide belt of silver links circled her waist and played off the fine silver details in the fabric of the gown. The skirt was full, and she’d spun around to enjoy it twirl around her while she readied herself with Ori’s help. 

While it lacked a corset, Alida felt like she couldn’t breathe the laces were tied so tight.

She made herself take slow, deep breaths to steady herself as she toyed with the links of her belt to distract her mind.

Of course she knew her nerves were needless. Kili was going to be there with her the whole time. They’d laugh and enjoy the fine food and wine…

Alida smirked; utterly delighted by the picture she’d painted in her mind. Her and Kili…she still couldn’t believe it at times.  
Ori grabbed Alida by the arm.

“There they are!”

Alida looked and saw Kili descending the stairwell at the end of the hallway, his kin around him. She knew with his uncle and mother present she should try to play the part of a proper lady, but her delight in seeing him was too great. 

She squealed in delight. 

It overruled her nerves and she picked up her skirts and hurried down the hallway towards them. 

Alida couldn’t hear the crowd in the great hall over the frantic beating of her own heart and the tap of her silk slippers against the polished stone floor. 

Her hair, left down and styled with pearl pins and barrettes of silver, bounced against her shoulders as she ran. 

She hardly noticed the guards stationed along the corridor stir, or Thorin dismiss them with a wave of his hand. 

All she saw was Kili, her prince. She wanted to throw herself into his arms, to breathe his scent in deep and savor his warmth…but she knew she couldn’t, even in her joy. He was still healing, still hurting. The last thing she wanted to do was cause him any more pain. So she slowed down as she neared him, smiled coyly as she caught sight of his wide-eyed surprise, and gently slipped her arms around him.

It was at that moment that the tightness in her chest eased considerably. 

Kili wrapped his free arm around her and pressed a kiss to her temple. His other hand clutched his cane tightly.

“Mahal’s mercy…you are beautiful, gimlíth,” he whispered into her ear as he held her close.

“That you are, my dear,” Dis said with a chuckle from Kili’s side, “But I daresay it’s that smile of yours that makes the look. It’s wonderful to see you so happy.”

Alida smiled brightly, reluctantly easing herself from Kili’s embrace to curtsey, “Thank you, my lady, for your kind words and the care you’ve shown me.”

Dis pulled her into a tight, warm hug only mothers were capable of giving.

“My dear, it was my pleasure!”

“Come now, mother, you’re going to suffocate her,” Fili said with a groan, his hand on his mother’s back as he shot Alida an apologetic look, “And Kili would never let us hear the end of it if you did.”

Dis released her with a laugh, straightening the ornament she’d jarred from Alida’s hair.

“Sorry, dear, just got caught up in the excitement of it all!”

Dis hurried along to catch up with Thorin, who was waiting impatiently near the oak doors. Fili trailed after her, an exasperated sigh leaving him.

Alida felt Kili’s hand on the small of her back and she turned only to be met with his strangely dark and intense gaze.

“Kili?”

He took in a deep, long breath and she realized he must be enjoying her scent. 

She suddenly felt very warm all over.

“Yes?”

She swallowed hard, “Thank you for coming tonight.”

“I’m happy to,” he kissed her forehead, “Alida, I’d do anything to make you happy, you know that, right?”

Startled by the questioned, she could only nod. 

“And safe,” he continued, “Alida, you know you’re safe here? With me?”

“Of course!” she managed to squeak out.

It seemed to calm him some.

“Good.”

She squeezed his hand in hers.

“Is everything alright, Kili?” 

“I –

“Hurry up you two,” Thorin hollered, his voice echoing down the corridor, “now!”

Alida pinched her lips closed and looked down at the floor. She was suddenly entirely aware Kili’s kin and Ori had likely been eyeing them the entire time.

She wanted to melt into the floor and disappear.

Kili took her hand pulled her close to his side.

“Don’t worry about me, gimlíth,” he whispered as they headed down the hallway to join his family, “tonight is all about you.”

\------------------------------------------------------

Alida had never seen so many dwarves in one room before. But it wasn’t a ‘room’, this was a great hall built to host a great gathering. 

And a greater gathering Alida could not imagine.

There were dwarves from the Iron Hills and many from the settlements along the Blue Mountains. She recognised the sigils of many great houses from the Blue Mountains but saw no familiar faces. Not that she expected to. Her world was small before the slavers came. 

Friends of the King were also in attendance, including a party of men from Dale. Alida couldn’t help but stare at them as she walked by, her arm around Kili’s. Men were scarcely seen in her village and while she’d always been curious of their ways and customs, her brothers had always told her they weren’t very special. ‘Nothing to make a fuss over’, were Ketain’s words.

They burst out into a fit of obnoxious laughter as Alida passed with Kili and she tensed, tightening her grasp on him.  
“It’s alright,” Kili said softly, “any men permitted inside Erebor are trusted not only by my uncle but the King of Dale. Those over there have joined Erebor’s scouting companies on more than one occasion, fought with us. I’ve fought beside many of them. You’re safe.”

She followed him to the King’s table, which was raised to look down upon the guests. Fili sat to Thorin’s right and Kili beside him. He leaned his cane against the table and ushered her into a chair at his side, smiling as he went. 

It was enough to cause the memory of his unease in the corridor to seem insignificant; nothing more than her own imaginings.

Alida sat demurely, her hands folded neatly on her lap as she scanned the room. There were dozens of tables, all long and full of cheering dwarves with tankards in hand. Alphas, betas, and omegas mingled together and everywhere Alida looked there were smiling faces. 

“You look deep in thought,” Kili observed, his gaze having been on her the entire time, “It’s not too much, is it?”

Alida quickly shook her head.

“No! No, it’s just…wonderful!”

“I’m glad you think so. But you’ll tell me, yes? If it becomes too much or if –

Alida reached over and gently touched his arm.

“I’ll tell you. Please don’t worry about me.”

“A good alpha always concerns himself with the happiness and safety of his omega,” Dis piped in, having overheard, “You’ll go mad with frustration if you try to convince them to relax their guard, my dear.”

Alida felt herself blush.

Am I really his?

Kili leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

“Don’t mind her, gimlíth.”

She smirked, her cheeks warm from his kiss and the flurry of emotions tearing through her.

_I am…but that means he is mine…_

Their meals were brought to them promptly, a luxury afforded to the King’s table. While she didn’t think she was hungry, when the plate of heavenly smelling food was placed before her, she licked her lips. 

“Oh, they’ve outdone themselves,” Fili said with a low groan.

Kili laughed and tried (and failed) to steal chicken from his brother’s plate.

Fili poked him with his fork.

“Stealing in front of Alida, Kili? Really?”

“Boys!” Dis hissed, “Have a care!”

Kili gave her an apologetic look as Fili bit triumphantly into his food.

Alida laughed.

She leaned over in her chair and grabbed Kili’s hand.

“Don’t worry, my prince,” she whispered, “my impression of you hasn’t been tarnished in the slightest.”

A mischievous look shined in Kili’s dark eyes.

“Then my lady wouldn’t be offended if I make an attempt on the crown prince’s dessert later?”

Alida giggled, “Only if you don’t share the spoils!”

Kili winked and Alida felt as though the laces of her gown were too tight again.

Minstrels began to play, filling the already boisterous hall with joyful music. Alida savored every bite of her meal, forcing herself to go slow if only to enjoy what the cooks had worked so hard to prepare. Unsurprisingly Kili and Fili cleared their plates in record time, neither seeming particularly interested in ‘savoring’ their meals or the merriment happening before them.

Chairs and tables were pushed aside to clear an area in the center of the hall. Alphas, betas, and omegas filled it quickly and began to dance and sing. A table of rowdy dwarves from the Iron Hills started to clap in time to the beat and those dancing matched their pace beautifully.

Alida scooted to the edge of her seat as she tried to find Ori amidst the masses in the hall.

“Who are you searching for so intently, my dear?” Dis asked.

“Oh, I was hoping to find Ori but she seems to have disappeared.”

She wanted to venture down but was nervous at the idea of going alone. There were a lot of dwarves in the hall and she was but one omega amongst them. She could ask Kili to go with her of course, but the moment the thought entered her mind she dismissed it. He was still healing and she didn’t want him in any situation where he could potentially aggravate his wounds.

“I think…I think I’d like to dance,” Alida said, “I thought maybe Ori would indulge me.”

Dis smiled brightly, “I am very happy to hear you say that, my dear. Wait here, I’ll fetch her.”

Before Alida could dissuade her, Dis rose and disappeared into the crowd.

A familiar hand grasped her wrist and Alida turned to see Kili looking at her strangely, a sad look in his eyes.

“Do you not want me to go? S-Should I have asked?” Alida blurted out; utterly confused by the look he was giving her.

“No, you don’t need to ask, gimlíth,” his gaze dropped as he considered his words, “I just…wish I could go with you.”

“Oh, Kili…”

“I know you’d like to dance…and I can’t,” he scoffed, “I can’t even get around without this damn cane!”

The regret and sadness in his eyes was startling.

“Kili, that doesn’t matter!” she insisted.

He said nothing, hardly convinced.

“Is this why you were acting strangely before we entered the hall?” she asked.

Kili sighed.

“Kili…”

He forced a smile and patted her hand.

“Let’s not worry about it tonight. I want you to have fun, Alida. I’ll watch you dance from here just please stick close to Ori.”

\----------------------------------------------------------

Ori hooked her arm with Alida’s and skipped as she led her into the dancing crowd.

“Isn’t this wonderful, Alida!” Ori exclaimed over the boisterous singing and cheering of the crowd.

“It’s…a lot,” she said meekly, unsure how else to describe the bizarre mix of emotions she was experiencing. 

It was louder than she expected, and there were numerous scents from nearby alphas that startled her. None spoke of anger or darker desires like those she’d endured in the slaver’s care, but all were…well, they were off-putting. 

Her nose wrinkled as she took them in. 

Too musky, too sweet, too…odd.

She looked back at the royal table and saw Kili speaking to his brother.

“Come now! Lets dance!”

Alida wasn’t given a breath to consider before Ori had her by the hand and was pulling her into a circle of dancing dwarves. The initial shock of it evaporated the moment she realized she knew the steps and she joined in gleefully. 

She didn’t stop until the music did, and Ori walked her to a vacant table near the back of the hall. 

“Why must we stop?” Alida whined.

Ori laughed, “They have to catch their breath, Alida!”

“They were wonderful!”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself!” Ori glanced around them, looking for something, “Are you alright here by yourself for a moment? I’d love a drink and there’s not a server around.”

Alida swallowed hard.

“Here? Alone?”

“I’ll be so quick you won’t even notice I’m gone!” Ori assured her, “I promise!”

The last thing Alida wanted to do was be a burden on her friend or dampen her sprits. She smiled and nodded despite feeling somewhat uneasy about the prospect of being on her own.

“I’ll bring you back a drink!” 

Ori had turned and left before Alida could say anything.

She looked around her, taking in the seemingly endless swarm of dwarves surrounding her. Faced with such a sight, it was easy to feel horribly small among them all.

Her chest suddenly felt tight and she nervously toyed with the silver chain at her waist.

_Oh, please, Ori, where are you?_

She was so absorbed in her own thoughts she did not see that she was no longer alone at her table.

“Are you lost?”

Alida practically jumped from her seat.

The young alpha who’d spoken was equally startled.

“I’m so sorry, my lady!”

Clutching her chest, Alida took a few shaky breaths as she regained her composure. She looked up at the alpha who’d startled her and found that she did not recognize him or the crest he wore on his tunic. 

“I-I’m not lost no,” she stammered.

“I’m sorry,” he said somewhat awkwardly, “it’s just…I thought I felt anxiety coming off you…on your scent that is…”

Alida shook her head, “No, I’m fine. Just waiting for my friend to return.”

“Can I sit with you until she returns?” he asked.

Alida cautiously looked to him. He was young, perhaps more so than Kili, and a meticulously neat, thick beard. He seemed genuinely nervous and she wondered if this was perhaps his first time speaking to an omega.

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just…mother said to be attentive to the scents of omegas and be polite and respectful to them – I mean you…omegas – at all times.”

It seemed innocent enough. She saw nothing in his eyes or body language that unnerved her and his scent wasn’t full of the anger she feared. She did wonder if Kili would be angry with her for sitting with this strange alpha, but an entirely new possibility entered her mind that excited her.

Perhaps Kili would be proud of her!

That possibility made her smile.

She had felt so good about dinner, having done nothing she felt embarrassed Kili or his family. She’d danced in a hall with hundreds of dwarves and not ended up a sobbing mess on the floor. She was proud of herself and if Kili was ever going to offer her a courtship bead she needed to show him she could be friendly and social with dwarves beyond those in her small world. After all, what good was a quivering, quiet wife and mate to a prince?

“I…alright…”

The alpha smiled and sat down on the bench a respectable distance from her.

“My name is Sorli, by the way, son of Sorlin of the Iron Hills.”

“I’m Alida.”

“Are you enjoying the feast, Alida?”

She nodded, “Very much! I love the music!”

“They’re from the Iron Hills,” he said proudly, “the minstrels. That fellow with the lute used to train with my brothers and I…chap was rubbish with a sword.”

Alida laughed, “Yes, well he’s very good with that lute.”

She searched the crowd but saw no sign of Ori. Curious, she looked up toward the royal table and found that Kili’s gaze was already upon her.

She smiled brightly, hoping he could see despite the distance between them.

“You were sitting with the prince earlier.”

Her attention turned back to Sorli.

“Yes.”

“I saw both princes fight in a tourney back home last year; they were fierce. Prince Kili dominated the archery round.”

Alida swelled with pride to hear Kili spoken of so highly.

“I’d have loved to see that,” she said.

“There is to be another tourney next year here in Erebor if I’m not mistaken. He is to be your mate, yes? I’m sure you’ll be given a seat of honor to watch the games. You’ll see then.”

Alida blushed and was unsure what to say.

Mercifully, Ori reappeared with two tankards in hand.

“Alida, I got you…o-oh, I see you’ve made a friend!”

Sorli stood quickly and bowed, “Sorli, son of Sorlin, my lady.”

“Ori,” she curtsied, “thank you for keeping my friend company.”

“My pleasure, I leave her in your care,” he took Alida’s hand in his, “I hope you have a wonderful time during the feast, my lady.”  
He bowed and lowered his lips to her knuckles, stopping short of placing a kiss upon them as per custom.

After Sorli departed, Ori sat down beside her and issued a stammered apology.

“It’s alright, Ori, really!” Alida insisted, “I was a little nervous at first but he was really polite. He thought I was lost and kept me company while I waited for you.”

“Really? You’re sure?”

“I am!”

“Good,” Ori said, offering Alida one of the tankards, “because we have about three minutes before the music starts again and I’m in need of a partner.”

Alida beamed, “Well, you’ve got one!”

\----------------------------------------------------

Kili, having witnessed Alida’s encounter with the alpha, was seething with anger.

He wanted to leap across the great hall and tear out the boy’s throat for having the gall to approach his omega. The moment he tried to stand however, throbbing pain resonated down his leg.

Fili, having felt the shift of his energy, reached out and grasped Kili’s arm when he tried to rise again.

“Calm, brother,” he whispered, “breathe.”

But Kili could scarcely hear him. All he knew was the sudden possessive anger that had flooded his veins like a toxin. 

Fili saw Kili’s eyes darken and searched frantically for an out for them. Their mother was with Bombur’s wife and children across the hall and their uncle had been whisked away by Balin.

He was without reinforcements.

“Come,” Fili urged, “let’s go for a walk, get you cooled down.”

He hooked his arm around Kili’s waist and carried the bulk of his weight as he led them through a doorway to a quiet corridor just off the great hall.

Fili leaned Kili against the wall and closed the doors behind them, taking a deep breath before turning to confront his brother.

“He touched her!” Kili growled, cane lying on the floor forgotten.

“Kili –

“He touched her, Fili! She’s _mine_ and he had the stones to –

“Kili, he did nothing forward.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because I saw it! I saw you shooting daggers at something in the crowd and I saw what caught your attention! Believe me, brother, had there been anything inappropriate I’d have the guards after him this minute!”

Kili huffed and paced around him, limping badly with each step.

Fili scooped up the cane and offered it to Kili, only to have it smacked out of his hands.

“I don’t want that damned thing!”

“You need it,” Fili soothed, “Kili, stop or you’re going to hurt yourself. Alida won’t be happy with me if I let that happen.”

“Alida,” Kili scoffed, “she doesn’t think I’m strong enough to protect her, to have her.”

“That’s not true, Kee.”

“Maybe,” he conceded as he continued to pace about like a caged animal, “but that scum of an alpha that dared approach her was thinking it!”

Fili wasn’t going to get anywhere, and he knew it. He needed to find his mother and Bofur. 

“Listen, I need you to stay here a moment, Kee. I’ll find Thorin and we’ll…we’ll figure this out, alright?”

Kili looked at him suspiciously.

“Why Thorin? He won’t understand!”

“He’s the king, Kee. We need him if we’re going to find and charge the dwarf who touched Alida.”

Kili nodded.

Fili hurried from the hallway, pausing only briefly at the door to remind Kili to stay where he was, before disappearing into the chaos of the great hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't wait to give you guys the next chapter! It's going to be a big one for Alida and Kili!
> 
> Also, please feel free to comment on what you guys would like to see for the rest of the series; particularly from the Thorin and Fili chapters to come. Both need omegas of their own! I have a ton of idea but welcome your input!
> 
> Thanks, dear readers!


	21. Crashing Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida finds Kili, and her trust in him is seriously tested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...remember when I said in chapter 18 there was likely going to be only 2-3 more chapters? Yeah I lied!
> 
> (Also, please read the tags! There may be some triggering references!)

Alida returned to the royal table only to find it empty. She stared at the empty chairs and half-full plates and felt familiar fear settle in the pit of her stomach. 

Kili…

Why would he have left without her?

Saddened by the thought, Alida bit her lip to halt its quivering as she scanned the room, hoping to catch sight of him. 

Where could he have gone?

As vast as the great hall was, Erebor was infinitely more expansive. Kili could be anywhere.

Alida took a shaky breath.

She was about to find a guard to help her when she caught a whiff of a scent that was unmistakably Kili’s. Her worries immediately evaporated. His scent wasn’t too faint, meaning he couldn’t have gone too far. 

Alida whispered a heartfelt prayer to Mahal in thanks.

Confident she could find him, she smiled brightly at the thought of how proud he would be of her. Not only had she spoken to someone new without her nerves getting the better of her, but she was going to find him on her own!

Alight with excitement, she followed his scent to a doorway set behind the royal table. Guards saw her approach but merely nodded and allowed her to pass without issue. It confused her only for a moment before she realized they must have known she was Kili’s.

Was his scent so strong on her?

She blushed at the thought.

She adored his scent. It wasn’t so overwhelming or offensive like those of many of the dwarves in the great hall. It was earthy, clean, and comforting. Sometimes, when he’d been training, there was an added hint of sweat and leather. That was a particularly intoxicating mix. But whether he’d been training or not, she loved to be close to him, to breath it in greedily. Coupled with the warmth of his body as he held her…it was perfection. 

Of course, she’d never told him that; the very idea of it was mortifying. But she found herself hoping that perhaps it was like that for Kili too.

She slipped through the doors, closing them quietly behind her. In the quiet of the corridor two things became abundantly clear. The first was that Kili was near, likely just a bit further down the hall. His scent was strong. The second was that there was something peculiar about it. It was still earthy, still very much Kili, but there was a muskiness to it she’d never detected from him before.

Curious but alarmed, Alida remained where she stood, breathing it in.

He smelled of sweat and sandalwood, oak and moss. There was almost a heat to it as well; strong and enticing. It seeped into her, relaxing her limbs; beckoning her onward.

The closest she could liken it to was that of the slavers that once held her captive. It was a terrifying realization for her, one she wanted to forget the moment her mind made the connection. 

She was suddenly overcome with the desire to run and hide but she angrily resisted her body’s impulses, vehemently reminding herself that this was Kili.

Kili would never hurt her. He supported her, cared for her. He was patient and kind.

And his scent, however needy, lacked the ferocious anger of her former captors.

She gathered her courage and continued down the corridor, coming upon her alpha around a bend.

She smiled the moment her gaze settled on him. She said his name, but he gave no indication he’d heard her. 

As she stepped closer to Kili, her concerns heightened. His hair was a mess and his cane lay discarded on the floor nearby. He was limping badly as he paced but seemed oblivious to it.

“Kili!” she said, this time louder.

He turned, stumbling some and leaning on one of the columns that lined the corridor to keep his balance. His eyes were darker, a maelstrom of sadness and anger swirling in his irises. 

“K-Kili?”

Something was very wrong with him and she wanted to help him as he had once done for her, though she had no idea how.

Perhaps he fell and hurt himself, she wondered, eyeing his forgotten cane.

“You think I’m weak with it, don’t you?” Kili snarled.

Alida’s gaze snapped back to him and she quickly shook her head no.

“Liar,” he breathed, “just go away!”

Astounded by the venom in his voice, Alida stammered as she tried to find the words to calm him.

“Go away!” he snapped again when she made no move to obey him.

He pushed himself off the column and slowly approached her.

“I-If you’re angry with me please tell me why,” she murmured, her chin quivering as she took small steps away from him.

Tears had sprung to her eyes and she dropped her gaze to the floor, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“Why?” he growled, “I saw you with that alpha from the Iron Hills!”

“S-Sorli?”

“Is that his name? Did you tell him you were mine? Did you tell him I’d have his head if he laid so much as a finger on you?”

Alida trembled, “H-He knew I was with you –

“Do you want him?”

Shocked, Alida looked up. Kili was standing only a breath away from her and he’d backed her up against the wall. She was afraid and confused. Why was Kili saying such hurtful things? Why was he so angry with her?

“No,” she managed to squeak out, “Kili why would you say that?”

Kili cursed in Khuzdul under his breath. He closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in the crook of her neck. She felt him take a deep breath, and felt the warmth of his breath against her neck when he exhaled. He held her tightly, his fingers digging into the fabric of her gown.

“K-Kili?”

His lips pressed against her ear and she felt her legs go weak.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me, Alida?” he asked in a whisper.

At a loss for words, she could only shake her head.

Without warning Kili’s lips were on her neck. 

Alida held her breath.

He went agonizingly slow, pressing soft kisses against her skin until he reached her shoulder.

“Alida…”

His tongue flicked over her skin and she jumped at the sensation, grasping onto Kili’s tunic and struggling with whether to try to push him away.

He wasn’t himself, that much was clear. He was too intense, to strong in his affections. And while the feeling of his lips on her neck wasn’t off-putting, it was not how she imagined an intimate moment with him to be.

But the moment she opened her mouth to voice her concerns, Kili bit into the tender skin of her neck.

Suddenly very scared, Alida jerked against him, causing him to bite down harder and suck roughly on the abused skin.

Before she had a chance to attempt to push him off her, Kili was torn from her and sent tumbling across the hallway. Alida crumpled to the floor, eyes wide and gasping for breath as she struggled to make sense of what had just happened.

Fili knelt before her and tried to get her to look at him.

“Alida! Speak to me! Are you alright?”

She didn’t have a chance to answer.

“Fili!” a familiar voice called out.

The crown prince stood just as Kili charged him. He managed to push his brother back, punching him in the jaw and sending him sprawling backwards. 

Alida watched it all through teary eyes, shaking violently.

Fili and Dis tended to Kili, each trying to get him to allow them to look at his bad leg, which he was clutching desperately. 

He was hurt…Kili was hurt…

Overwhelmed and still very scared, Alida wanted to scream herself hoarse.

“Come here, lass,” a gentle voice beckoned.

She jerked, not having noticed Bofur until he was kneeling beside her.

He offered her his hand and an encouraging smile, though she saw sadness and worry in his eyes. Relieved to see a familiar, gentle face, Alida grabbed onto him as though he were a raft in a turbulent sea.

“It’s alright,” he soothed, “ye’r safe, lass.”

The moment her face was buried in the thick fur that trimmed his coat, she burst into tears.

She put up no fuss as he picked her up and gathered her in his arms and didn’t look up as he carried her away from Kili.

\------------------------------------------------

Alida lay sprawled out on her bed, exhausted but unable to find rest. 

Bofur had helped her out of the outer layers of her gown when they’d reached her room in the den, carefully unbuttoning her bodice and unlacing her corset. He’d helped her to her bed in the thin chemise she wore underneath, not bothering with trying to get her in her nightgown. 

He’d whispered words of encouragement as she sobbed, working to remove the pins from her hair as she soaked her pillow with her tears.

That had been hours ago.

She’d found no sleep since he left her. All she could do was replay everything that had happened repeatedly in her mind, dissecting it to find out where she had gone wrong. Even now she could not identify the precise moment.

There was a knock at her door and she gave a pathetic grumble.

Bofur poked his head in and frowned, knowing immediately she’d not slept at all since he left her.

He pulled a chair over to her bedside and sat down, watching her closely.

“Do ye want to talk about what happened? Would that help?”

Alida teared up and bit her lip.

“Oh, lass…”

“I don’t know what I did!” she gasped as she clutched her pillow.

“Ye did nothing, lass. What happened wasn’t ye’r fault. Kili is in the wrong.”

Alida pushed herself up on her elbows, “He wasn’t himself! He wouldn’t have done what he did normally! Something had to have happened!”

Bofur sighed, “He saw ye with another alpha –

“I didn’t do anything with that dwarf!” Alida exclaimed, “We talked briefly! I swear that was all!”

“I know and so does Kili, lass.”

“Then why would he say such horrible things! Why would he…”

She hiccupped, overwhelmed, as tears streamed down her face.

Bofur patted her hand, “My dear I can confidently tell ye he meant none of it. Ye said it y’erself – he was not himself. Take a breath and calm y’erself. All is not lost.”

She looked up at him, her eyes red and glassy.

“How is it not?” she lamented, “He hates me…and he...he…”

She clasped her hand over the mark Kili had left on her neck.

“I was scared…and I never wanted to fear him, Bofur. I hate this feeling…”

Bofur sighed, “I know, dear.”

“Why? W-Why did he…what happened, Bofur?”

“Alphas are meant to protect their omegas, yes? Well, Kili saw an alpha he didn’t know near you.”

“I was in no danger,” Alida said.

“I know,” Bofur said gently, “but his instincts as an alpha compel him to defend ye from others who might desire ye as theirs. Ye do not yet wear his bead. A persistent alpha will still try to woo an omega who is courting but not braided. Fili also told me Kili’s felt less than deserving of you as of late.”

“W-What?”

The idea was foolish to her – Kili didn’t feel like he deserved her?

“With his injury,” Bofur clarified, “he’s been slow to heal, or so he feels. Alphas need to defend their omegas, lass. He feels he can’t with his leg the way it is.”

“He…thought I’d stray without his bead? To whom? An alpha that was better suited to protect me?”

Bofur shrugged, “Perhaps. I haven’t spoken to him about it, this is all through Fili.”

“I…why didn’t he just tell me,” she muttered, more to herself than Bofur.

Did he not trust her? Was he afraid it would prompt her to leave him?

“I don’t know, lass.”

“What else did Fili say?”

“Well…he said that his brother had thoughts of…sealing ye’r bond lately.”

Alida looked up at Bofur, her confusion evident.

“Ye know what happens between alphas and omegas, yes? In the bedchamber?”

Alida’s cheeks flushed crimson. She eventually nodded, though it didn’t instill much confidence in him.

Bofur tried again.

“Ye…do know how dwarflings are made, lass?”

She nodded quickly, but he could tell she had her mind fixed on something.

“What is it?”

Alida’s throat felt tight but she spoke nonetheless, knowing with Bofur she was safe.

“I…saw things in the caravan. They…stripped one of the omegas and did things to her…made us watch.”

All the color drained from Bofur’s face.

“Mahal’s beard! I hate that ye saw that, lass. I’m so sorry…”

She swallowed hard, a new fear rising from the pit of her stomach.

“He…wants to do those things to me?”

Bofur looked horrified. 

“No! No, lass, not that, not what you saw!” he squeezed her hand, “there was no love in what ye saw, no trust, no willingness. A true, proper mating is tender, passionate…powerful. It is always the omega who leads, who holds power in the bond.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes! I swear to ye, lass. What ye saw was abhorrent, disgraceful, and completely against what Mahal seeks in the bond. Kili loves ye, he’d never harm ye like that. What happened tonight…well, I haven’t spoken to him, but I’d place good coin on him being a wreck.”

“Should…should I go speak to him?”

“No, not yet, lass. Get some sleep; rest and heal. Kili likely needs some time to cool down and come to terms with what he did himself. It might not be a bad idea to speak with Lady Dis though. She could tell ye more about the goings on in the bedchamber, set ye’r mind at ease.”

The idea of talking to Kili’s mother about _that_ made Alida nauseous, but she supposed Bofur was right – it would be wise to speak with someone who’d gone through it. Someone who could tell her if mating was truly as horrible as she’d seen that night when the caravan made camp.

“I’ll…think on it…thank you.”

Bofur smiled, “Sleep tight, lass. Everything will work itself out, don’t trouble y’erself; and for the love of Mahal don’t blame y’erself!”

\------------------------------------------------

Nightmares plagued Alida’s sleep, depriving her of true rest in the days that followed her altercation with Kili. She’d spoken to Bofur about them some, but there were some parts she didn’t have the heart to speak.

Those parts were dark, sickening. Each time she awoke from them she’d heave over the side of her bed, bile burning her throat.  
They made her feel weak again, as she was when she first entered Erebor, and she turned Ori away each time the worried omega tried to coax her from her room.

One morning a week into her solitude, there was a knock at her door.

“Alida, my dear? Might I come in?”

Alida recognized Dis’ voice but was unsure if she was up to facing Kili’s mother just yet. Of course, she knew it was rude to turn away the king’s sister…but she couldn’t fathom mustering the strength to face her.

“I…I just want to be alone,” she answered in a timid voice, “please.”

There was silence and then –

A letter was pushed through the crack at the bottom of her door.

“It’s from Kili, my dear. Please read it. I can only imagine how much his actions hurt you. If you’re not ready to see him, that’s fine, dear. I’m not here to drag you to him. Just please…read his letter. And if you need anything please come to me.”

Alida heard Dis walk away and waited until the sound of her footsteps faded entirely before she stood and approached the letter.

She stopped short of picking it up though.

A part of her wanted to rip it up and toss the pieces into the fire. It alarmed her, that such a thought would come so easily to mind. It also flooded her with sadness, to think that she’d consider tossing aside something he had sent her. Still, the thought remained.

And why shouldn’t it, she thought, given all that had happened.

Kili was an alpha and her experience with them told her trusting them was foolish…she should have known better.

Alida sank to her knees.

Kili…her Kili…had been so angry. How he’d spoken to her…touched her…

Had that been the _true_ Kili? 

If so she knew she had to protect herself from him. 

But the second she gave it real thought, she remembered the moment when their paths crossed. She’d been confined to a filthy cage like an animal, starved and beaten. Somehow, she’d survived the initial attack, but she’d been terrified to leave the ‘safety’ the familiar cage offered. Swords clashed, dwarves screamed…and then he stepped into her cage, offered her a gentle and encouraging smile, and swore to her that she was safe.

And then somehow, he went from ‘master’ to ‘prince’ to…to Kili.

Her Kili.

Alida picked up the letter, broke the red wax seal and unfolded it. She immediately recognized Kili’s handwriting.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she read:

_Alida,_

_I broke my promise to you, my gimlíth. Do you remember it? When you first came to Erebor? I swore to you I’d never hurt you, that you were safe with me. I shouldn’t be writing this…I should be on my knees before you, telling you this as I beg for your forgiveness, but I know you have no desire to see me right now. Mahal knows I am not worthy of any of your time.  
I hope you’re reading this. I hope you haven’t tossed this letter in the fire. You probably should. I wouldn’t fault you if you have. But if you’re still reading…I am so sorry for the hurt I caused you, gimlíth. _

_You did nothing to deserve it. I was…am ashamed of my weaknesses. The wound to my leg has left me crippled and I hate that without that damned cane I’d not be able to keep myself upright. You deserve a strong alpha as your mate. One who could defend you…one who could dance with you for as long as you desired. It pains me that I cannot be that dwarf for you._

_I thought…I thought maybe that dwarf you were speaking to could have been. He could have matched your joy as you danced, could have protected you against those that might try to harm you. I was jealous, Alida. Jealous and scared and weak.  
And now I’ve lost you…and all because I was too proud to tell you of my fears beforehand. Bofur and Fili tell me my instincts as an alpha might have had some part to play in what happened, but it doesn’t matter. In the end it was me – I hurt you. I scared you. I pushed you away._

_I want to tell you all of this and more in person, if you’ll allow me. I’ve been confined to my rooms and my uncle has threatened to disown me if I attempt to approach you beyond this letter. If I knew you wanted to see me I’d risk his bluff, but I know you don’t, gimlíth. And I don’t blame you for that…I blame myself._

_If by some chance you’d agree to seeing me, even if its for one last time, let my mother know. She’ll escort you to me and could stay in the room, so you wouldn’t be alone with me if you’d wish._

_And if you have no desire to see or hear from me again, my mother can forward that message to me as well. If that is the case, gimlíth, you should know that I consider myself blessed to have crossed your path._

_You are a wonder, Alida._

_And I love you…I always will._

_Yours,_

_Kili._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the feast was initially supposed to me less angsty and drama filled then this chapter is. But then this idea hit me and I thought 'damn I love the angst of it' and, well, here we are!
> 
> Thank you for all your comments! Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter and what you may like to see for short fics in this universe or the Thorin/OFC and Fili/OFC stories to come!


	22. Advice by the Firelight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili speaks with his mother and receives an unexpected visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm proud of myself for updating so soon! lol
> 
> Enjoy!

Fili sighed heavily as he collapsed in his favorite chair in front of the fire. Every muscle in his body ached and his head felt as though someone had tried to split it with an axe. 

His day had been dreadfully long, with hours of meetings and duties to attend to on top of monitoring his brother’s care; to which he was trying to dedicate as much of his time as physically possible. 

He sank into the comfort of the chair, groaning as his achy body relaxed.

His last meeting of the day had been with his uncle and it had taken Fili over an hour to calm the king’s anger towards Kili and quash any talk of disowning or beard-shearing. Thorin’s anger was legendary and while Fili thought he’d developed a talent for placating him, he wasn’t confident he’d succeeded tonight.

“Fili, love, would you like one lump or two?” his mother asked from the back of the room, where she had been quietly preparing their tea.

“Three,” he grunted, “please.”

Dis prepared his tea as requested and brought it to him, her concern deeply etched on her features.

Fili often visited her at days’ end a few times a week, seeking out her tea and chair while getting her option on matters of policy or person. She always looked forward to it. It warmed her heart to know that despite the fact he was no longer a dwarfling clawing at her skirts that he valued her opinion and enjoyed her company.

But it hurt her terribly to see him run so ragged. 

His duties as Thorin’s heir were one thing, but she knew Fili had taken it upon himself to defend and care for his brother after what had happened at the feast.

“Anything on your mind, my dear?” she prompted when he remained silent.

Fili downed his tea in his usual fashion, seemingly unaffected by the blistering heat of it.

“There’s talk of Dale’s intent to increase the taxes on ore,” he said almost mechanically, “Thorin is threatening to refuse Dale’s traders entry to Erebor if Bard goes through with it. Balin tells me we’ve got a mite infestation in the great library. We’ve heard nothing encouraging from Dwalin and Nori in the Iron Hills. Oh, and Dain’s youngest wed…finally.”

“Fili…”

“Oh,” he straightened himself in the chair, “and your brother still wants to see that Kili is properly punished. His idea for Kili today was a one-year exile to Dale after being shaved and shorn.”

Profound sadness tore at Dis. Of course, she was angry at Kili for what he did, for what he risked losing in Alida. Any other dwarf would have been shaved and banished by now for treating an omega so violently and she struggled with the idea herself. It wasn’t something she wished for her child and yet what he did couldn’t go without consequence. She felt like a hypocrite and she hated it.

Dis sniffled and hurriedly searched out her handkerchief. 

It pained her to know Kili was suffering of wounds both physical and emotional. Kili’s leg was in a horrible state after Fili threw him off Alida, a necessary act her eldest blamed himself for day and night. 

Kili had hardly been able to stand since they’d gotten him back to his room and Oin was worried. That of course made everyone else terrified. The wound had only reopened partially but the real concern had been the damage they couldn’t see; to nerves and muscles. Dis feared Kili would never be able to run or ride again, that he’d be bed-bound. 

She wept at the thought of it, knowing full well Kili wouldn’t be able to bare it on top of losing Alida.

Fili, having seen his mother’s eyes well with tears from the corner of his eye, reached out and squeezed her hand tightly.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, “I didn’t come here to upset you.”

Dis dabbed her cheeks with her handkerchief. 

“I know, my dear, I don’t blame you. I’m just so worried for your brother…and I haven’t heard from Alida since giving her his letter.”

“Do you think she read it?” he asked.

“I’d like to hope so, but I truly don’t know. You saw her, Fili, she was petrified.”

He nodded, his expression somber, “Given the hell she came from…”

“That’s the saddest part of it,” Dis said with a sniffle, “all the misery she endured and now she must see Kili as being no better than the ones who hurt her. That part must crush him after all he did to earn her trust, to show her he was different. Mahal, they both deserved to be happy!”

Fili felt the same. He’d listened to how his brother talked about Alida, saw how he looked at her when her gaze was elsewhere…  
He didn’t want to imagine what it would do to Kili if she turned from him after this.

It could be a more lethal wound than that of his leg.

“She’s not reached out to you yet,” Fili said instead, not wanting to worry his mother with his worst fear, “That means she could still.”

Dis took a deep breath and nodded, “You’re right. And I’ll be no good to her if I’m a blubbering mess.”

Fili smiled and kissed the top of her hand, “Lady Dis of Erebor is never a mess. She is the pillar of this family.”

She managed a small laugh, “You have an awfully high opinion of me, my son.”

“One based on decades of watching you pull us through one hardship after the other,” he said fondly and without hesitation.

“Don’t let your uncle hear you say that,” she said with a smirk, “he’s under the impression he keeps this family going.”

“Only because you let him go on thinking it.”

Dis gave a hearty laugh and Fili smiled, victorious.

\------------------------------------------

Fili left his mother’s chambers feeling confident he’d done his best to alleviate her worries. He enjoyed going to her for advice and council but the last thing he wanted was for her to suffer for it.

He was nearing the door to his own chambers when a familiar scent caught his attention. He paused just for a moment before writing it off as a figment of his exhausted mind before continuing. 

Thorin had more reports and meetings for him in the morning and Fili knew he’d best get right to bed and get what sleep he could if he was going to endure another day of his uncle. 

He could hardly stifle the groan the thought pulled out of him.

As he rounded the corner, he caught sight of a familiar figure sitting on the stone bench outside his chambers.

Fili stopped in his tracks, the slight sound of his change of pace more than enough to cause his unexpected guest to look up and lock eyes with him.

“A-Alida,” he managed, “w-what are you doing here?”

She stood and gave a small bow.

Her hair was down, and she was wearing a robe she had tied tightly at her waist. He noticed her cheeks looked puffy and her eyes had a slight redness to them and realized she must have been crying for some time, though her cheeks were now dry. 

Truly, she looked as exhausted as Fili felt.

“I’m so sorry,” she said in a quiet voice, “I know its so late and you must be busy…I just…was hoping…”

“You’d like to talk?” he offered.

She nodded.

“Of course, do you feel comfortable stepping into my chambers? We could go somewhere else if that –

“Here is fine,” she said quickly, then caught herself, “Oh, I’m sorry…”

Fili smiled and moved to open the door for her, “Stop apologizing, it’s really fine, Alida. Come in.”

\-------------------------------------------------

She couldn’t sleep, though that had become the norm really.

Ori and Bofur were sleeping and Fallon was snoring at the foot of her bed, so she decided to go for a walk. Somehow, she ended up nearing the royal wing and her feet stopped outside Fili’s door.

She should have turned around and returned to her bed, tried to get some sleep instead of bothering anyone, but her mind was too full. She’d rationalized that Fili had been kind and spoken to her before, perhaps he would again.

As she stepped over the threshold to his chambers, he pulled out a chair for her and set about stoking the fire.

Soon enough the warmth of the fire filled the room.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” he asked as he shirked off his coat.

Alida shook her head.

“Might be for the best,” Fili said as he took a seat opposite her, “you look like you’d need an ale over tea and that wouldn’t be wise at this hour.”

She managed a hint of a smile, though she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She still felt like such an inconvenience and was inwardly scolding herself for bothering him at such an ungodly hour.

“I feel like I should ask you how you’ve been but that’s stupid,” Fili said when she made no move to fill the silence, “you look awful, Alida.”

She took a breath, already feeling her chin trembling and angry at herself for it.

“I feel awful, honestly.”

She took a quick look up at him before turning her gaze to the fire.

“I can’t sleep, all I do is cry…I wouldn’t blame Bofur if he tossed me out of the den, so the others could finely have a quiet night…”

“He’d never do that.”

“I know. Still,” she sighed, “how…how is your brother?”

“Kili…is doing about as well as you are.”

He didn’t elaborate so Alida looked at him.

Fili sighed, “He’s miserable, if I’m being honest. I hurt his leg when I threw him off you and he’s been bed-bound since. Oin’s medicines touch the pain but don’t quench it so its hard for him to get around even with the cane…”

“I’m so sorry you had to do that,” Alida said sadly, sincere in her words, “but…thankful you were there when you were to do it.”

“As am I,” Fili admitted, “as is Kili. You…received his letter?”

Wordlessly, Alida pulled it from the pocket of her robe and turned it around in her hands as if to examine it from all angles.

“What are you going to do?” he asked, watching her carefully.

Alida’s chin quivered and she gave a helpless shrug.

“Mahal’s mercy, I don’t know…”

“You love him?” Fili asked, already aware of the answer.

Alida nodded, “I do. So much! But I’m scared now, of him! I never was before, not like this!”

“Alida,” he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “I can’t tell you want to do or what the right thing is. What I can say is that Kili loves you. I can tell you he hates himself for what he did, for what he could have done. And if Thorin wants to disown him, exile him, shave him…he’d take it. He takes all the blame for what he did, and he’ll take whatever punishment Thorin deals out.”

Alida sniffled, “Punishment?”

“He attacked an omega. He touched you against your will. There will be consequences for him, Alida.”

She wasn’t sure what to feel. Kili exiled from Erebor? Shaved of his beard?

Those were punishments fit for Naldri and the other slavers who hurt and used omegas…not Kili.

“I don’t want those things to happen to him,” she whispered, “does that make me crazy?”

Fili shook his head, “Nothing about this is straightforward, Alida. How you feel isn’t going to be black or white. You’re not crazy for being conflicted.”

It felt so good to hear those words Alida almost burst into tears.

“I’m so angry with him I could scream,” she admitted, feeling entirely free, “and yet I want so badly to go to him and help him get better. The things he said…he hurt me, Fili. And if he’d just talked to me beforehand, told me what he felt…”

“All of this could have been avoided,” he offered, finishing her thought.

“Yes,” she said with an exasperated sigh, “did he honestly think I’d think less of him? After all he’s done to help me overcome my own doubts? I just…I just don’t know if I can forgive him, Fili…”

“I don’t know if I could either, if I were you,” he confessed, “but forgiving him doesn’t mean you’d be expected to excuse what he did. It doesn’t mean everything is magically repaired between you too either. You can still be angry or hurt and forgive.”

It didn’t seem possible.

“How?”

“You don’t do it overnight,” he said with a chuckle, “it’s about…accepting what’s happened and realizing you need to find a way to come to terms with it.”

Alida smiled, “You’re a very wise dwarf, Fili.”

He laughed, “No, I was just lucky enough to have wise parents. I knew enough to listen to them…I guess in that I was wise.”

“And your brother?”

“Kili…has always felt like he’s had to work harder than others to prove his worth,” Fili said, “it never mattered what mother, or I said, he’d work himself to the bone to prove himself. He used to get into fights with older dwarfs who teased him about his beard. When uncle made him promise to stop the fighting Kili trained hard to prove he was just as strong and capable a warrior as the others.”

Alida frowned, “I never wanted to make him feel like he had to prove himself for me…”

“I know but I honestly don’t believe you did a thing to start it. When he was a dwarfling it was about his beard…he worked hard to prove he was strong. After his leg injury he couldn’t work hard the way he knows how to prove he was still just as strong. I know he thought with that cane you’d think he was weak…”

“Never!” Alida exclaimed, startling Fili some, “I’d never, ever use ‘weak’ to describe him!”

Fili chuckled lightly, “I know! But he doesn’t and that’s the problem…or part of it at least. I can only guess based on what I know of my brother. He hasn’t been exactly open with me about this.”

Realization dawned on her suddenly.

Kili had his own insecurities and felt, whatever the reason, that he couldn’t talk to her about his leg and the cane he relied upon. Up until now, the very thought of talking to Kili about her fears about intimacy and taking the next step in their bond seemed impossible. Before the feast she hadn’t even had the courage to acknowledge them! 

Alida felt lighter and she knew in her heart she had to see Kili, had to talk to him. 

She jumped up from her seat, once again causing Fili to jump in surprise.

“I have to see him! I must make this right! I must –

Fili grabbed her gently by her shoulders, “Calm, Alida. It’s late. Kili’s likely been knocked out by Oin’s ‘special’ tea and he’s been in such a state it may be best to give him warning of your visit. Besides, Thorin told the guards to keep Kili in his chambers. I’m sure they wouldn’t let you in without his order.”

Alida nodded slowly, taking in Fili’s words and trying to figure out what to do.

“Alright…can…can you get me an audience with Thorin tomorrow?”

“An audience? What –

“I’ll need to be able to see Kili,” she explained, “and make certain he won’t be exiled or shaved. I’ll need your help of course! Please, Fili!”

Fili smiled bright, his exhaustion forgotten.

“Of course.”

\-----------------------------------------

Alida wasn’t sure how Fili managed it, but she received word early in the morning that she was granted an audience with the king. Of course, that news came mere moments before she was to _actually_ meet with him, and she only had just enough time to pull on a fresh dress and sprint through the hallway to Thorin’s office.

Fili was waiting for her just outside Thorin’s chambers.

Unable to contain her joy, Alida threw her arms around him and hugged him as tightly as she could muster.

“Thank you,” she whispered into his ear as she pulled away, “Thank you so much for this, Fili!”

He smiled but she could see the unease in his bright blue eyes.

“Your welcome. Keep in mind though this isn’t a guarantee you’ll be granted anything. My uncle is famous for his temper and his stubbornness. Even my mother has trouble getting him to relent at times.”

That tempered her excitement.

“So, what do I do?” she asked, glancing beyond Fili to the door to Thorin’s chambers, “What do I say?”

“My advice? Just be honest.”

Still far from confident, Alida grabbed his hand.

“Come with me,” she pleaded quietly.

Fili shook his head, “I’m sorry, Alida, but it would be better if you do this alone. If I’m there he may think I’ve coerced you into being there and speaking on Kili’s behalf. He needs to know your thoughts are your own.”

“Lady Alida?” called a guard, “The King will now see you.”

The door was opened for her and the guard eyed her expectantly, clearly not one for patience.

Alida nodded and hurried along, getting once last encouraging smile from Fili before entering the chambers of the King of Erebor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Kili-less chapter! Don't worry, he'll be back soon ;)
> 
> Let me know your thoughts, dear readers! As Fili said there has to be a punishment or consequence of some sort for Kili - what do you think it should be?


	23. An Audience with the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida meets with Thorin, and Fili preps his brother for a special audience...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's important to me that there is a tangible consequence for Kili, as much as it may suck for me to write and you to read. 
> 
> Why? 
> 
> a) I don't want it to appear as though he gets special treatment because of his family, b) I don't think Alida could feel comfortable around him, or even start to, if nothing happened to him, c) omegas couldn't possibly be truly held in any sort of honour if he wasn't punished, d) it's important to me Alida doesn't come across as having something along the lines of Stockholm syndrome (it's hard to put into words but I hope that makes sense). And, finally, e) I want Alida's path to forgiveness to feel more natural in that it won't be an immediate thing.
> 
> So, the question is what punishment is dealt to Kili? Leave your ideas in your comments, dear readers!
> 
> Thanks!

“I’ll admit, I was surprised when Fili told me you were eager to speak to me,” Thorin said, his gaze fixed on the sheets of parchment he was flipping through, “especially about my nephew. I’d expected you would request to leave Erebor.”

“To leave?” Alida asked, startled by his words.

“If only to get far away from Kili,” Thorin explained, looking up from his work, “I’d expect you’d feel much safer that way.”

“No…I’d like to stay if that’s alright.”

Thorin’s expression was even, giving no indication of his feelings whatsoever. It made reading him impossible and the prospect of convincing him to spare his nephew serious punishment even more daunting. 

“If that is your wish. I should apologize to you though, for my role in your distress.”

“Your role?” 

“Had I trusted my instincts and not given you my blessing perhaps you would have been spared what Kili did to you.”

Alida had considered many ‘what if’s’ since her encounter with Kili but had ultimately cast them aside. It did not good to wonder what would have happened if she’d remained in the great hall or if she’d not gone with Ori. She knew that had Thorin not given his blessing she still would have wanted to be with Kili. They’d have continued as they were in secret, which could have served only to make the situation worse.

Alida didn’t blame Thorin in the slightest.

“Kili’s actions were his own,” she said with a heavy heart, “I didn’t ask to see you to lay blame at your feet.”

“Then why are you here?”

Alida took a deep breath, steeling her courage and straightening herself in her seat. She knew she needed to be brave and unwavering in her request and was determined not to fail.

“To ask your permission to see Kili.”

Thorin’s brow arched as he eyed her suspiciously, clearly trying to discern her intentions. 

There was an uncomfortable silence between them; neither daring to speak as Alida’s words hung in the air between them. Alida noticed his tightly clenched jaw, his expression a mix of bewilderment and frustration, and tried to ready herself for the barrage she’d expected.

Instead, Thorin leaned back in his chair.

“Why?” he asked, voice tight and sharp with anger.

Alida knew it was a command just as much as it was a question. 

The King under the Mountain was clearly not going to make anything easy for her but Alida refused to cower. The way she reckoned, he would be angry with her no matter what she said – so why not be honest and unashamed in her demands? What could he do anyway? Throw her in the dungeons for running her mouth? She’d endure. Confine her to the den? She’d manage it.

Even if he banished her from Erebor in a fit of rage it was a risk she was willing to take. She had to speak to Kili…even if it was just once.

Alida couldn’t bare to leave things as they were between them.

“I ask that you allow me to say my piece before you say anything about your decision. I swear to you I’ll be honest if you do me this courtesy.”

Thorin paused a moment but ultimately gave a short nod, signaling her to continue.

“I’m…angry with Kili,” she began, “for what he did, for the worry he felt and allowed to fester instead of speaking to me, trusting me. He scared me and honestly, I’m still scared…and that only makes me angrier with him. But he still means so much to me. I don’t want to walk away. I want to try to forgive…”

“Forgive?” Thorin scoffed, “Alida he attacked you.”

“I want to forgive for myself, Thorin. Since being taken from my home I’ve been so scared and angry. Kili cared from the start. From the second he saw me in that cart. He never gave up on me, even when I was a wreck and he probably should have. How can I give up on him now? I love him. I know that must sound insane, but I do. I love Kili. I know that forgiving him…it won’t happen overnight. I’m still mad and I don’t mean to excuse what he did, but I also don’t want him to be punished as if he were as vile as the slavers who kidnapped me.”

“So, you wish not only to be allowed to see him but to have a say in his punishment?” Thorin said after a moment, having considered her words.

Alida nodded, “Naldri deserved what befell him. He used, abused, and violated omegas in pursuit of riches. There was no remorse in him. He was not capable of it. Kili…is kind and brave. He is good to others and would never intentionally do harm to an innocent.”

“You were innocent, Alida,” Thorin interjected, his gaze fixed on her.

“Yes. But in the letter he sent me he spoke of self-doubts he’d never spoken of before. He did not ask for forgiveness. He apologized for failing me, Thorin.”

The obvious frustration had left his features but Alida was still unsure how to decipher him or his thoughts.

“I’m not saying that I’m going to forget what he did,” she said solemnly, “I’m not saying that everything he broke between us will be fixed easily…or at all. I’m only asking for the chance to speak with him and judge the sincerity of his words myself. Please…allow me to do this.”

Thorin leaned forward in his chair.

“Am I right in suspecting that if I refuse your request you’ll attempt to see him all the same?”

Alida nodded, “Yes.”

“And the guards stationed outside his door? How do you expect to get past them?”

He had a fine point.

“I’d try to sneak past them,” she said, “and if that failed…perhaps bribery?”

Thorin said nothing. He just looked at her, straight-faced and seemingly calm.

“If you think locking me in the den will deter me, you’re wrong,” Alida said with as much force as she could muster, praying her voice did not tremble, “do it and I swear to Mahal I’ll not eat until I’m allowed to see Kili.”

“You think me a cruel king?” Thorin asked, a sharp tone to his voice.

Alida wanted to run and hide but she stood her ground.

“No. I think you’re a fine and fair king and a good dwarf. I think you love your nephew and it hurts you that he did what he did. You hate the situation you’re in. I think you feel guilty for giving us your blessing, though you shouldn’t. I think you’re trying to protect Kili and I by keeping us apart. I understand. All I ask is that you allow me to speak to him, even if its just this once. I know he’s not doing well. Please.”

Alida swallowed hard.

“I’ve spoken out of turn, I know, and I am sorry. But I promised I would be honest with you.”

Thorin nodded, “And I believe that you have.”

She relaxed in her seat, but only slightly. She was abundantly aware he could still refuse the entire thing.

“I too am angry with Kili,” he said, “both for putting me in this situation and for hurting you.”

Alida sensed a ‘but’ was coming.

“However,” Thorin continued, “I cannot appear as being lenient with him. Were he not my kin, he’d already be shorn of beard.”

She nodded, “I understand. But…Kili does not deserve that.”

“Doesn’t he? What punishment do you think is fitting his transgression?”

“I don’t know. But to shave his beard…everyone would see his shame. I don’t want that for him.”

“Nor do I, Alida. But then what else? Exile? Flogging? Caning?”

Alida felt the color leave her face, felt the burn of bile rise in her throat.

She vehemently shook her head.

Thorin leaned forward and grasped her hand gently.

“I do not mean to scare you, only to make you see that this is no game. His actions have consequences. Please understand I do not want anything to happen to him. I told you – I love him as though he were my own, Alida.”

Alida remembered.

She nodded, “I-I know.”

Thorin leaned back and sighed heavily.

Mahal, Alida hated this. She knew Thorin felt it too, she heard it in the wavering of his voice when he spoke of Kili and could see it in the deepening of the once slight wrinkles at the corner of his eyes. It made her feel guilty for pushing him on it, but she suspected no matter what she said or did there would be sorrow for him.

“Your Majesty –

“You can see him, but you cannot be alone with him,” he said evenly, “I will sit in, as will my sister. You and I will hear what he has to say, judge his sincerity and meet afterwards with Balin to determine a punishment.”

“Thank –

“Do not thank me,” Thorin interrupted, “I’ve placed you in the middle of an awful situation.”

Alida shook her head, “I was already there. You’re only allowing me my voice in it.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

In a dimly lit room, Kili lay pale and exhausted on his bed. He was naked, having managed to weakly wiggle out of his loose-fitting trousers when his fever spiked three hours earlier. Oin had long since given him the tonic to fight it off and he no longer felt like as hot as a smelter, but he had yet to summon the strength to redress himself.

He reasoned that there was no rush.

His only visitors were Oin (a healer and therefore accustomed to seeing naked dwarves), his mother (again, accustomed to seeing him naked; having raised him), and his brother.

Thinking of his kin immediately brought Alida back to mind and he draped his arm over his eyes, trying to wish himself to sleep. At least when he slept he didn’t replay what he’d done in his mind. 

Oin’s tonics gave him dreamless sleeps, although they were cruelly short. He’d not had any real rest since…since before he…  
Kili squeezed his eyes shut and growled through clenched teeth, furious at himself for the tears that welled in his eyes.

In one single instance of blinding stupidity and loss of resolve, he’d alienated himself from his family and effectively ruined everything. His uncle hadn’t visited him. When Fili and their mother did, each looked at him differently. Pity and disappointment showed in their meek looks and the physical distance they took from him when they were in the room.

He hated that he was the cause of it.

Alida hadn’t visited, though he hardly expected her to.

He had broken every promise he’d ever made when he grabbed her in that corridor. 

Initially he knew nothing but the warmth of her body so close to his, the shiver that rippled through her skin and the feeling of her breath on his skin. But when Fili pulled him away his senses were no longer clouded. He knew only the searing agony in his leg…and the stomach-churning scent of Alida’s fear dominating the hallway.

Kili felt bile rise in his throat and coughed. He rolled over onto his side, his leg protesting the abrupt movement, and retched up the meager contents of his stomach into his chamber pot. 

He only vaguely registered the sound of his bedchamber door opening.

Another wave of nausea took him, and he gagged as he hung over his bed.

“Are you alright?” Fili asked, dropping the clean clothes and towels he carried to hurry around the bed.

Kili took a cautious breath as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his stomach still tight.

“Never been better,” he scoffed, “What are you doing here?”

“Have you eaten today?”

Kili shook his head.

Fili sighed and went to a nearby dresser, fetching the pitcher of water that had been left for his brother and pouring a glass.  
He handed it off to Kili, giving him a sharp look when his brother made no move to take it.

“You haven’t answered my question,” Kili said, taking a small sip to placate his brother.

Fili sighed and quickly fetched the items he’d dropped earlier.

“You’re having visitors. Come, let’s get you on your feet. We’ve not got much time.”

Kili groaned, unsure what part of what his brother said he disliked the most.

Fili sat everything down at the foot of Kili’s bed.

“Come on, Kee, you are in desperate need of a proper bath.”

Kili threw a pillow at him.

“If you were in your right mind you’d agree with me. You reek something awful.”

“I don’t care,” Kili said with a snarl, “just leave me be…”

“Kili, I swear to Mahal I will drag your naked ass to the bath myself if I have to. Thorin and mother would not be happy to see you like this.”

“What does Thorin want with me?” Kili scathed, his tone sharp but his eyes watery with tears, “to tell me once again how I’ve shamed the family? To further discuss his plans to disown me?”

“Kili –

“What?” he snapped.

“Thorin and mother are escorting Alida here. She wants to speak with you.”

“I…what?” Kili stammered, brow furrowed in confusion.

“Alida came to me asking if I could get her an audience with Thorin,” Fili explained, “He agreed to meet with her and is allowing her to see you. We’ve got an hour before they’re here.”

“They?”

Fili’s expression fell, “You’re not to be near her unsupervised. Mother and uncle will sit in on your meeting with her.”

Kili took a moment to let what his brother said sink in. The fact Alida wanted to see him seemed unfathomable. It had felt like an age had passed since he’d sent the letter. With no word from her, he just assumed she’d burned it.

“What does she want to say to me?” he asked quietly, the previous bite to his tone having dissipated. 

“I don’t know for sure, Kili. I know she’s conflicted…so maybe she doesn’t even now.”

Perhaps she intends to deliver her rejection in person, he wondered. The idea was heartbreaking, and he wasn’t sure he could endure it. As he thought of her and everything he’d done he realized he had to though. He owed it to her, even if this was goodbye.

“Alright…”

Fili slowly helped him to his feet and then allowed Kili to lean the bulk of his weight against him as he waited for the pain to lessen. The muscles in his leg twitched and tightened, sucking the air from Kili’s chest and sending a pinching pain down to his toes.

Fili frowned.

“Kee, I’m so –

“Don’t,” Kili said in a gasp, “it’s not your fault.”

Their progress to the bath was horribly slow. Each limp forward he managed was followed by a hiss of pain or a curse through clenched teeth. 

When the finally made it, Kili practically collapsed on the stool, his breathing labored. 

Fili set about removing the tangled beads in Kili’s hair and, once he was sure none were left, began working a brush through the neglected locks.

“It’s been a while since I did this,” Fili said.

“What? Saw me naked?” Kili said with a snort.

“Brushed your hair, you idiot.”

Kili sat in silence, allowing his brother to work. He was struck by how incredibly lucky he was, to have Fili as a brother. Many dwarves would walk away from one crippled and disgraced as he was, Kili thought, but not Fili. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a torrent of warm water dumped over him and he bit out a curse only to have Fili throw a cloth in his face.

“Get to it,” he said, his glee hardly contained in his voice, “scrub yourself down, I’ll take care of this mess on your head.”  
Kili brushed the wet hair from his eyes and jerked his elbow back, hitting Fili’s knee.

Fili laughed as he started to work sweet-smelling cream through Kili’s hair.

“What did she say?” Kili asked finally, “when she met with Thorin?”

Fili shrugged, “I’m not sure. She met with him alone.”

“And he relented?”

“I’ll have to get her to tell me her trick later. I waited outside for her, there wasn’t even any yelling!”

Kili managed a small smile.

“She’s…something special,” he swallowed hard, “What…what do you think I should say to her?”

“I’m not sure. Let her talk and see where it goes. And wherever it goes…just be honest, Kee. I know it’ll be awkward with mother and Thorin there, but you have to speak truthfully if you want her in your life.”

“I do…I want to be with her. I don’t deserve her…but I-I still love her.”

“I know.”

Fili dumped another bucket-full of water over Kili, rising the suds from his body.

“You’re enjoying this too much,” Kili said as he flicked damp hair out of his eyes.

“Nonsense,” Fili said with a small grin, “you offend me, brother.”

“Be serious, Fee,” Kili grumbled.

Fili sighed and clasped Kili’s shoulder, offering him some comfort as he continued to work on the tangles in his hair.

“I’m sorry, Kili, I am. Truly. I know how hard you’ve been on yourself…”

“Rightfully so.”

“Perhaps,” he conceded, “but remember who we’re speaking of. Alida isn’t a cruel dwarrowdam, Kee. Whatever she has to say, none of it will come from truly wanting to cause you pain. Even with all that’s happened. She is not uncaring. When she spoke to me, I advised her the same as I did you – be honest.”

“Does…does she want to see me punished as uncle does?”

“No,” Fili said gently and without hesitation, “I honestly don’t think she wants any harm to come to you in the slightest, even now.”

Kili’s chest tightened and he felt fresh tears begin to well in his eyes.

“I do not deserve her. Thorin is right, Fee. I should lose my beard, my title, and my place in Erebor for what I did…”

Fili stepped around him to look him in the eye.

“No one wants to see that happen to you.”

“What you want shouldn’t matter. What I did deserves a harsh punishment, Fee. That I’m the King’s nephew shouldn’t spare me it.”

“Kili –

“Please,” he interjected, “just…help me get dressed. Let’s get this over with.”


	24. Between Two Bared Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alida and Kili reunite.

Kili sat awkwardly on the plush chair Fili had pulled up near the fireplace, unable to get comfortable with the persistent ache in his leg. He brushed off Fili’s attempts to help him, knowing it would take more than a precisely placed pillow to relieve the pain.

“Stop fussing, Fee,” he said with a groan after being offered a stool.

Fili ignored him.

“Maybe a tonic from Oin,” he pondered aloud.

“It’d only knock me out. I want to be coherent when she gets here.”

“Something mild then?”

“Fili…stop.”

A knock at the door spared him Fili’s response.

“Come in,” Fili called, shooting his brother a frustrated glare.

Thorin entered, followed closely by their mother, Dis.

Alida wasn’t with them.

As Dis leaned down to hug him where he sat, Kili looked over her shoulder towards the door.

“Where is she, mother?” he asked.

“Composing herself,” Thorin answered sharply, having taken a seat on the lounge not far from Kili, “She’ll be with us shortly.”

“I-I see.”

The look on his face made Kili’s heart sink. Thorin had always been more than an uncle to him. After his father died, Thorin had stepped up and had effectively taken on that role. He taught him how to hold a sword, how to forge iron and steel, and supported him when he showed interest in the bow. And somehow, despite all the pressure on him, Thorin had always found time for him. 

Kili hated suffering his uncle’s disappointment but he knew he deserved it.

Just one more consequence of the worst mistake he’d ever made…

“Oh, my dear, you look awful!” Dis lamented, cupping Kili’s face in her hands and pulling his gaze from Thorin, “Oh, Kili…”

He forced a smile, “Please, mother, I’m alright…”

“No, you’re not,” she said with a frown, “you’re so pale…”

“Only tired,” Kili said, hoping to reassure her, “please don’t worry yourself…”

“A mother always worries, my dear.”

Thorin cleared his throat.

“Fili, Balin is waiting for you in your chambers. I need you to address the petitions he’ll have with him. Check on Alida on your way out.” 

Fili nodded and excused himself with a small bow, shooting Kili a smirk as he left.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Alida sat on the bench just outside the door to Kili’s chambers. She was anxious, more so than she expected she’d be. After all, speaking to him had been her idea – so why was there a fluttering worry in the pit of her stomach? Why were her palms so sweaty?

Letting out a shaky breath, Alida wiped her hands on her dress and stood.

She paced back and forth, fiddling with the lace cuff of her sleeve as she wracked her mind for what to do.

“Nervous?”

Alida stopped and spun around, smiling at the sight of Fili in the doorway.

“A little.”

“Alida, it’s going to be alright.”

“How can you be sure?” she muttered.

He shrugged, “I just am. You love my brother, he loves you…surely this isn’t the end.”

“You’re right…”

“Listen, just go inside; don’t allow yourself the chance to doubt it. Kili is with my mother and Thorin in the parlor, I left the door open. Just be honest, Alida. If you can do that I truly believe everything will be alright.”

“I wish I had your confidence…”

“You have it,” he said with a laugh, “remember, you were the one to demand an audience with the king, you were the one who convinced him to allow this!”

“I-I suppose…”

“Alida,” Fili said, grabbing her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze, “you’ve got this.”

She doubted she was as confident as Fili claimed, but his was contagious. 

“Alright.”

Fili left with a grin and a cheerful clap, leaving Alida alone in the corridor. 

_I’ve got this…I’ve got this…_

She pushed open the doors to Kili’s chambers before she could second guess herself and spotted the door Fili had mentioned right away, left ajar just as he’d said. It wasn’t far into Kili’s chambers, being just off the anteroom she now stood in.

Alida took a tentative step forward, her focus entirely on the door.

She heard nothing coming from the room beyond the crackle of a fire. Kili was there though, she could smell his distinctive scent. 

Alida paused.

Last time she breathed in his scent his arms were around her waist; his lips on her neck. She’d been so afraid then. His scent, which was typically so enticing and comforting, was twisted. Now…now it seemed as it should. Sandalwood…oak…moss…Kili.

Alida pushed open the door and saw Dis and Thorin sitting on a lounge.

Dis smiled upon seeing her.

“My dear!” she said in barely contained delight, “Come in, it’s alright.”

Alida felt strangely embarrassed despite knowing she would be there. Knowing it was foolish, she tried to push on through it. 

She managed a small smile, and looked beyond her to Thorin, who nodded.

“Lady Dis, Your Majesty…”

She caught a glimpse of movement from the corner of her eye and…

All air was sucked from her lungs and her heart fluttered wildly in her chest.

“Oh, Kili,” she whispered, aghast at what she saw.

He looked awful.

All color had left his face, making him appear almost ghostly in the light of the fire. Against such pale skin his dark hair looked stark black. It hung damp to his shoulders, no trace of braid or adornment to be seen. The loose fitting white tunic he wore was untied at the neck and clung to his body with sweat. 

And his eyes…

Alida felt her chin tremble.

Despite everything he was looking at her in awe, like he was absolutely flabbergasted that she had shown up. There was a sadness to it though, and it broke her heart to see.

Everything that had happened hung unspoken between them and all Alida could think of was how wrong she had been to ask him here.

Kili should be healing, resting. It was obvious he was by no means well and to drag him here…

She clearly hadn’t thought this through. There was no way to fix anything between them if he was still so injured!

“I shouldn’t be here,” she stammered, “I mean…you shouldn’t.”

Panic fell over Kili and he tried to stand, his face contorting in pain as he hurried.

“Alida! Please, no!”

“You’re still healing,” she said, taking a step back, “I shouldn’t have pulled you from your bed. It was selfish –

“Don’t go,” Kili pleaded, “please…please stay.”

“But you look awful…you should be in bed.”

“I’m fine,” he said quickly, “please, Alida. Sit, stay with me…”

Unsure, she looked to Dis, who gave her an encouraging smile.

“I don’t know…” she said sadly.

“I’ve missed you,” he confessed, his voice tight with barely contained emotion, “I meant every word of that letter, Alida. I want to make things right. I want a chance to try to right the wrong I’ve done you…”

Alida said nothing, but slowly made her way towards Kili, not taking her eyes off him as she took a seat in the chair opposite him. 

To her relief, she wasn’t scared. 

Sitting before him now didn’t bring out in her the fear she’d felt in that corridor. 

He was just Kili, her Kili. 

And his scent was as it should be – familiar, comforting…perfect.

She missed it…she missed him.

“I feel…like I should ask you how you’ve been,” he said nervously, “but that’s thoughtless…”

Alida felt Thorin and Dis’ gazes upon them but tried to close her mind to that. All that mattered was Kili and trying to mend what had been broken. 

So, she kept her focus solely on him.

“It’s alright. I’ve…been better,” Alida said tentatively, “what happened…it left me confused, scared…it’s been difficult to come to terms with.”

Kili remained silent but the look in his eyes spoke volumes. Brow furrowed, dark eyes deep and watery, he looked hopeless.

Alida felt her chin start to quiver and took a deep breath to fend off the tears she felt coming. There was so much to say, weeping so soon would hardly help.

“And you?”

He sighed heavily, “Not well.”

Alida’s gaze fell to his hand, which was grasping the thigh of his injured leg.

“Have…you been letting others help you? You were quick to turn away help before, with Khern.”

“I’ve been cared for,” he replied quickly.

“Good,” Alida nodded, “good…”

“You read my letter?”

“Yes.”

“Alida –

“I still don’t understand,” she confessed in a hurried breath, “I…I did nothing to warrant your accusations, Kili.”

“No…you didn’t.”

“Then why?” she pressed when he made no move to elaborate, “Why were you so cruel?”

“I…felt undeserving, weak,” he began cautiously, “I’m crippled, even with the cane every step is agony. And then I saw you with that dwarf from the Iron Hills. He was strong and…you didn’t seem scared. I thought…someone like that was more deserving of your attention. It hurt, so much. I…didn’t expect what happened though, what I did.”

Alida’s heart sank as she tried to process all he was telling her. 

“I…I wanted to offer you my courting bead, Alida,” Kili continued, “I wanted you to be my mate, my partner. I was so jealous when I saw you, so ashamed of my own failings…I left the hall furious. And when I saw you…I didn’t want to lose you.”

She’d never had guessed a dwarf as handsome and seemingly confident as Kili would have such doubts. It was one thing to read of his reservations in his letter, but to hear them…

Did he not see what she did? The strength and kindness? The humor and patience? Did he not see the way she looked at him? Mahal, even she knew she looked at him like a love-stuck girl!

She wanted to reach out and take his hand. She wondered if his doubts wouldn’t have developed if she had been more open and honest with him…

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner, Kili.”

“I was ashamed. I still am. Especially given how I behaved during the feast. Alida, what I did…”

Tears welled in his eyes and he looked down, his dark hair falling forward to obscure his face.

“Thorin was right,” he muttered, “I’m not fit to care for you. I put you in danger. I should not have pushed him to grant me his blessing…”

“Kili…”

Alida edged forward in her chair and slowly reached out, placing her hand over his.

He looked up, his gaze full of confusion.

“Kili,” she whispered, “weak is not a word I’d ever use to describe you. Not now, not ever.”

He looked disgusted, “How can you say that…”

She continued, undeterred by his sorrowful eyes.

“I hate that you’re in pain, that it’s taken so long for your wound to heal. I do not think you’re weak because of it. You’ve endured it, Kili. Even before that, you were strong for me when I first came to the mountain.”

He didn’t look convinced. 

“If I was strong, Alida, we wouldn’t be in this situation. I’d never have laid a hand on you, scared you…”

“I’m not scared now,” she said gently, squeezing his hand.

“The second Fili pulled me off you I could smell your fear. I remember it sometimes,” he swallowed hard, “and it makes me physically sick…”

“I was scared,” she admitted, seeing no reason to deny it, “I…I would tell you why, if you would hear me out?”

Kili looked up at her, having picked up on the unease in her voice.

“Fili suggested I be entirely honest with you…and I want to be,” she blinked back tears, “I do but it’s hard.”

“Gimlíth?”

Alida’s breath caught in her throat.

“I…didn’t think you’d ever call me that again.”

Kili managed a small smirk. It was gone before Alida could savor it, but it raised her spirits. 

She rubbed the tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath.

“Kili…what happened at the feast…it scared me because I never thought I’d ever see you so angry but also…also because I didn’t realize you…you…”

Alida felt her cheeks flush and couldn’t bring herself to look at Kili.

“I didn’t realize you…desired me…quite like that…”

Silence, and then –

“Oh,” he gasped, “Oh, Mahal, Alida, I’m –

“P-Please,” she interjected, her voice cracking awkwardly, “let me…let me finish what I have to say, or I’ll lose my nerve.”

She caught sight of him nodding from the corner of her eye.

“I…spoke of things when I gave my testimony that I never spoke of to you. At the time I couldn’t. It was the worst time of my life…the worst night. But…I think you need to know to understand…why I was so scared.”

“A-Alright.”

“One night…a month or so before you and I crossed paths, the caravan stopped near a lake. They pulled us from the cages, made us kneel in a line near the fire. Naldri…he made us an offer. An extra serving of food…to the omega who allowed his men between her legs.”

His grip on her hand tightened and she looked up, only to be met with his agonizingly painful gaze. 

“One girl stepped forward,” Alida said, her chin quivering, “She was so thin, so hungry. Naldri…made us watch as his men took turns with her.”

Tears trailed down Kili’s pale cheeks and he looked as though it was taking every ounce of strength he had not to say something. A slight tremor shook his body from the effort.

“It was in that moment I took his lesson to heart. I was weak…filthy and worthless. I can’t tell you how many times I repeated that to myself when I first arrived here…”

Alida paused and watched Kili closely. She could smell the anger in his scent. It wasn’t like it had been at the feast, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on what was different. All she knew for sure was that it didn’t scare her.

She continued.

“Do you remember that night, shortly after I arrived, when I woke the whole den with my screaming?”

Kili nodded.

“The dream that woke me…it was of a memory; a very unpleasant one. The slavers were beating an omega and Naldri…turned on me. He grabbed my hair and…pushed me to my knees. Another…egged him on, told him to…”

Alida choked on a sob and pulled her hand from Kili’s grasp to clutch her ever-tightening chest.

“He didn’t,” she muttered, “he didn’t touch me further; said they’d not get paid if they took me…”

Tension filled the silence that hung suspended between them. 

She looked to Kili and trembled at the horrified look on his face.

“Kili, I didn’t tell you this to make you feel guilty –

“Y-You should hate me,” he stammered, clearly shaken, “you shouldn’t want anything to do with me let alone be in my presence…and I should have killed Naldri myself when I had the chance…”

Alida shook her head, utterly resolute, “Kili, look at me.”

His gaze had strayed to the fire and she needed him to look at her, needed him to understand.

When he made no move to comply, she stood and stepped closer to him. He immediately looked at her and leaned back in his chair, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. Alida’s features softened and she tentatively reached out to place her hand on his stubbly cheek.

“Do you know what stopped the mantra Naldri instilled in me?”

Kili swallowed hard and shook his head.

“You. Your kind heart, your patience, your determination to make me see the value in myself. Kili, you said once that you hoped one day I’d trust you enough to tell you what hounded me. I trust you.”

“How?” he asked, not seeing it, “I…I touched you without your permission. It made you think of all that piece of scum made you suffer, what nearly happened…”

“It was too much too fast,” she said with a nod, easing back to lean against the arm of his chair, “but I know you and I want to be with you. I want to forgive. If you won’t accept that, then I’ll forgive you for myself. I’m not dismissing what happened, or saying all is repaired, but I’d like…I’d like to try again.”

“I don’t understand. You…you still…”

“Yes,” she smiled, her cheeks still glistening with fallen tears, “I don’t care about your cane. Use it, do not harm yourself further because you fear my discomfort. I don’t care that you’ve only stubble on your cheeks. Naldri had a fine beard and he was a despicable dwarf. You are not, and I adore you as you are.”

Kili cried freely, no longer caring to try to hold back.

He grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

“You are a wonder,” he whispered, “one I have no right to. Alida, we…we can’t. I’ll be punished, how I’m not sure, but you and I –

“Do you love me?” she asked, her resolve steadfast.

Kili let out a shaky breath and nodded, “Mahal, I do. So much, gimlíth.” 

“As I love you, Kili,” Alida said with a smile.

He looked at her in awe, and she kissed the top of his hand.

“Surely that means we cannot be over? Can we not start anew? Go slow, be honest and open with one another, and come out stronger?”

“We may not have the chance,” Kili said in a hushed, pained voice.

She glanced beyond Kili to Thorin, sharing a brief but resolute look with the King under the Mountain.

She turned back to Kili.

“I came here to be truthful in telling you how I felt and to judge the sincerity of your words. You were honest with me in your letter, and if it were solely up to me I wouldn’t punish you at all. I don’t want any harm to come to you at all,” tears welled anew in her eyes, “I want you to get well. I don’t know what will happen, but Thorin has allowed me to have a say in your punishment.”

Kili didn’t seem relieved by her words.

“Alida –

“I’ll not see you exiled or disowned, Kili,” she said sternly, “I’ll have my say.”

“I’m not asking for leniency.”

“I know.”

There was shuffling to her side, and Alida saw Thorin rise and make to leave.

“Come, my lady,” he said, pausing at the door, “Balin should be waiting for us in my offices by now, we’d do well not to make him wait any longer.”

Alida stood and rubbed the tear streaks from the apples of her cheeks. She nodded to Thorin before turning back to Kili.

He watched her intently, his expression soft but sad; a plea unspoken in his gaze.

She wanted to stay, to watch over him as he healed and have him kiss her as he did the day when she first asked him to go to the feast with her.

Seemingly aware of her inner turmoil, Kili grabbed her hand and pressed a firm kiss to her knuckles. His warm breath grazed her skin as he turned her hand to kiss the inside of her wrist. She smiled, a shiver of delight rippling through her, and brushed the tips of her fingers across his cheek before tucking a wild strand of his hair behind his ear.

“Please take care of yourself while I’m gone,” she said in a whisper.

“Please come back soon,” Kili countered, the sorrow in his voice betraying the smirk on his lips.

Alida knew she would, regardless of what Thorin said. She believed Kili. Every word in his letter had come from his heart and she wasn’t about to give up when there was hope for them. 

“I will,” she soothed, “I promise, amrâlimê.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me your thoughts, dear readers! :)

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? I appreciate any and all comments, dear readers! So let me know your first impressions!  
> I'm soooo excited to start this story, which is the first in a series :)


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